Kamille Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 I’m kind of having a long-distance affair with a MM who works in the same field I do in another town pretty far away. The branch where I work being what it is, 75% of the staff are women and most of the men who work there are gay. My workload being what it is, I hardly have time to go out and get hobbies where I could meet guys. All that to say, I find it hard, in my current networks, to meet interesting single straight guys. But there is MM. I am not nor could be in love with him but he provides my life with some much needed romance and excitement so I can’t seem to be able to let him go. I realize how selfish that is (mostly for his partner but also for him) and try to keep contact to a minimum (limited to work) but every now and then I cave in and send him a more personal e-mail and then avidly wait for a response (which I generally find disappointing as he is not the man for me). What’s going on? Why am I hanging on to him? Any advice?
LucreziaBorgia Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 Why am I hanging on to him? Any advice? because ...he provides my life with some much needed romance and excitement... Masochism, basically. I think its what he represents to you rather than holding on to the man himself. It gives you a thrill to hear from him, to know that a man who is committed to someone else through marriage would want you enough to jeapordize that. Its an ego boost, a roller coaster ride - thrill and terror all mixed up into one. He is 'safe' on one hand in the sense that there is only so much relationship stuff you have to worry about. He is only available up to a certain point. On a deeper level, perhaps it is knowing that he can never truly commit to you that you hold on to. Something down deep in there that perpetuates your need for that sort of pain and sadness.
ahotmess Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 I am curious to your industry. I work also in a field where the men are 75% gay or Married...and the other 25% are just weird. End what you can now. Read my post "To My MM" . Do you want to feel this way. Get out...unless you are completely in love with him....then you are just as screwed up as me:) This is a great forum...find comfort in it!!
newbby Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 because Masochism, basically. I think its what he represents to you rather than holding on to the man himself. It gives you a thrill to hear from him, to know that a man who is committed to someone else through marriage would want you enough to jeapordize that. Its an ego boost, a roller coaster ride - thrill and terror all mixed up into one. He is 'safe' on one hand in the sense that there is only so much relationship stuff you have to worry about. He is only available up to a certain point. On a deeper level, perhaps it is knowing that he can never truly commit to you that you hold on to. Something down deep in there that perpetuates your need for that sort of pain and sadness. this hit home for me. very perceptive as usual.
ahotmess Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 because Masochism, basically. I think its what he represents to you rather than holding on to the man himself. It gives you a thrill to hear from him, to know that a man who is committed to someone else through marriage would want you enough to jeapordize that. Its an ego boost, a roller coaster ride - thrill and terror all mixed up into one. He is 'safe' on one hand in the sense that there is only so much relationship stuff you have to worry about. He is only available up to a certain point. On a deeper level, perhaps it is knowing that he can never truly commit to you that you hold on to. Something down deep in there that perpetuates your need for that sort of pain and sadness. This forum is sooo awesome. I am stumbling upon big changes I am making within myself.....I am learning soo much about myself. I am an adrenaline junkie. I love roller coaster rides. Maybe that is what I can't let go of...the ego boost, thrill, and terror. Great food for thought.
stoopid_guy Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Maybe you're hanging on to him because it's easier than looking elsewhere? Or wondering if/when you'll find someone else? I always wonder how many people stay in bad relationships from simple fear of change...
Recommended Posts