crystallizedrose Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 Hey all. I recently started dating a man that I met online. (Yes, yes, I know... but I actually like it - I haven't ever met any psychos, just a lot of genuine, nice people.) At any rate. I liked him from the start - his email to me really stood out, in that it was not only charming and clever, but he had obviously paid close attention to my profile and responded specifically to it. Yay. We exchanged a few emails, and then he asked if he could call. Also good - I don't like to draw these things out too long before meeting someone. We talked several times on the phone over the next week, which was great fun; and then, each time we got off the phone, he would ask, politely, if he could call me again. Aw. I was really charmed by this combination of clever conversation and old-fashioned manners. After a phone call or two, he asked me out to dinner. I accepted. Oh, my. The date was fantastic. So much fun. Chemistry, laughing. We were out for hours - dinner, dessert, etc., he continued to be very courtly, in a gentlemanly, stand-when-you-leave-the-table, walk-you-to-the-door sort of way. After dessert, we walked around for hours, talking. He had to work early the next day, but didn't seem inclined to cut the date short. It was very late, hours had gone by, we were sitting close outside a museum in the dark - I found myself wondering if he were ever going to kiss me, because I really, really wanted him to. And at last, he did. Yay. Wow. (I might add that, mmm, he was clearly into it. ) So. After a while, we broke apart, he had to get home to go to work in a few hours, he drove me to my house and asked if he could see me again. We agreed to another date a couple of days later. But when he came to meet me, I sensed something was a bit...restrained. He was much the same personality-wise, but physically held himself apart. At the end of the date (which was still great, lots of fun, though there was an odd undercurrent), he drove me home and we talked for a while in his car. He didn't move to touch me, and, well...I felt a bit confused and hurt, but was trying valiantly not to read too much into it, since he was clearly not trying to get rid of me - he kept me there, talking and so forth. Then, as I was at last getting ready to go, he said that while he had a great time the previous date (and he stressed this point multiple times), he just really doesn't want to move fast. He likes to take his time. But he made a point of saying he wants to see me again, and asked for another date with me. So here's the thing. I have to admit, what he said is entirely consistent with everything he's told me, and with what he wrote about himself in his profile. It really isn't a surprise. And the part of me that is capable of standing back, being mature and not taking it personally (but aren't I irresistible?!?) is even more charmed by this than before. Damn. How can I not respect that this is who he is and he wants to stick to it? I don't want him to change; I like him how he is. But there is also a part of me that doesn't know what to make of it, since it's not something I've encountered before. He wants to spend hours and hours talking to me but not touch me? It's definitely not that he doesn't know what he's doing - based on the other night, it's clear that he does. But now I'm trying so hard not to feel undesirable and rejected...I guess I just want to know if I'm being a fool, either way. Should I be reading into this or not? Is it possible that this is for real, and he really just prefers to "take it slow"? Or is this a way of saying, hm, not so much wanting to date you after all? I'm trying to go with the flow here - if I can just let myself get comfortable with this, and not want to rush things, I think I could probably enjoy it. After all, it's kind of awesome how he always thanks me after a date, and asks when he can see me again, and whether he can call. Utterly charming. Good lord. I want to jump him constantly. Which is why I also want him to be overwhelmed with wanting me. Damn it. He certainly seemed that way the other night. Which was delightful. Anyone ever been in this situation before?
Kamille Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 I think it's great and that you're lucky to have met someone who is so into you that he wants to take his time. Don't give in to doubts and enjoy the sexual tension and small discoveries that taking time inevitably leads to. And don't waste time doubting yourself. Instead, help him (and the both of you) take time!
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