Tiffany and Louis Vuitton for a KID???

[Fun2BMe]

Why the eyeroll when adults who work and make money wear these labels? IMO an adult can buy/wear whatever they can afford. I'd rather spend money on my child's education so that she can afford to buy whatever she wants as an adult.

I agree adults can buy/wear whatever they can afford. I can afford labels to but I was expressing a personal opinion that I think labels are a waste of money regardless of how much you make. As a kid to fit in, it's a different purpose but as an adult, I know better. I see it as a baby sucking its thumb. It is ok for a baby but tacky for an adult to do it IMP.

[HokeyReligions]

All you are seeing is that she is buying these things. No one knows the family dynamic or the reasons or feelings behind the purchases. It doesn't necessarily mean that the kid will grow up with no sense of value or is spoiled - even though it may appear that way.

 

I've never been into labels myself. When everyone seemed to be wearing Gloria Vanderbilt jeans - I was wearing whatever brand K-Mart sold and didn't think anything of it. I hated GV jeans - they were not comfortable.

 

My daughter wanted a Gucci bag when she was 13. A friend of hers had one and she really wanted one too. We sat down together and figured out how much she would have to earn and how she would have to earn it and she did save for a while - then she saw some shoes at a department store she wanted more - they were $29 (more than I usually would pay for shoes!) and she decided the purse just wasn't worth it! We found a Gucci-style purse that went better with her shoes anyway. Her friends didn't think any less of her.

[Nicholas]

Materialism is bad, yeah.

 

But so is criticizing people for the way they raise their kids, I think.

[Buttaflyy]

My daughter wanted a Gucci bag when she was 13. A friend of hers had one and she really wanted one too. We sat down together and figured out how much she would have to earn and how she would have to earn it and she did save for a while - then she saw some shoes at a department store she wanted more - they were $29 (more than I usually would pay for shoes!) and she decided the purse just wasn't worth it! We found a Gucci-style purse that went better with her shoes anyway. Her friends didn't think any less of her.

 

You pretty much summed up my point. Nothing wrong with it if it's earned. And as long as the child understands that material things doesn't define them. IMO LV is still a bit too much for a child.

[Outcast]

But so is criticizing people for the way they raise their kids, I think.

 

Nobody should be sacrosanct. Not veterans. Not politicians. Not parents. Everybody is human and prone to screwing things up and therefore should be open to correction. I think that uncritical obeisance to any authority is dangerous.

[Nicholas]

Sure, it's just that everyone thinks their an authority when it comes to other people's kids.

[climbergirl]

I'm glad my parents didn't have that mentality. They always said that once you're an adult, you will be working your whole life, so they worked extra hard to provide for us.

 

I don't think it's right for people to start working at 12 years old to buy what is close to a necessity - clothes the rest of the kids are wearing. You can babysit for toy or candy money or to save up or extra clothes, but even that before age 15 is a little extreme unless it's an allowance.

 

I doubt the mother is dropping 20,000 on a diamond Tiffany bracelet. Maybe a $50 charm. And a $200 purse can last the whole year. Big deal.

 

With all due respect, again, please do not question my parents mentality. That is insulting and unwarranted. My father worked on a farm, worked hard to be an actuary and is now an arbitrator. And all his brothers and sisters are extremely successful (all 6 of them) and I do believe it is somewhat attributed to living on a farm and not being coddled to believe they will be 'taken care of' for the rest of their lives.

 

FYI-I certainly was provided with necessities-and, again, unwarranted to assume otherwise, but that doesn't include designer labels........that I had to earn. As we all should.

 

I'm grateful that my parents didn't set a bad 'material' precedence.

[BareGoddess]

Totally agree with Climber. Now those are good parents! Too many spoiled, rotten kids today.

[Fun2BMe]

With all due respect, again, please do not question my parents mentality. That is insulting and unwarranted. My father worked on a farm, worked hard to be an actuary and is now an arbitrator. And all his brothers and sisters are extremely successful (all 6 of them) and I do believe it is somewhat attributed to living on a farm and not being coddled to believe they will be 'taken care of' for the rest of their lives.

 

FYI-I certainly was provided with necessities-and, again, unwarranted to assume otherwise, but that doesn't include designer labels........that I had to earn. As we all should.

 

I'm grateful that my parents didn't set a bad 'material' precedence.

I apologize if it came across as an insult. I am not singling out any parent or anyone but only trying to express my opinion. I think just like how you didn't go through a label period and your parents didn't purchase label items, many do and turn out fine.

 

I don't think anyone should be criticizing that mother when I am sure she is trying her best to be a good mother. We don't know their values and to the degree she purchases those types of items for her 12 year old. It could be a reward for good grades, a birthday or for whatever reason. Seeing that she shops on ebay, I would bet that at the end of the day, she spends less overall on her daughter than the average parent does on a 12 year old.

 

My first car was a Mercedes my parents gave me yet I consider myself more down to earth than more than half the people I meet. Keeping nice items away from chidlren doesn't automatically make them better than other people.

[climbergirl]

I apologize if it came across as an insult. I am not singling out any parent or anyone but only trying to express my opinion. I think just like how you didn't go through a label period and your parents didn't purchase label items, many do and turn out fine.

 

I don't think anyone should be criticizing that mother when I am sure she is trying her best to be a good mother. We don't know their values and to the degree she purchases those types of items for her 12 year old. It could be a reward for good grades, a birthday or for whatever reason. Seeing that she shops on ebay, I would bet that at the end of the day, she spends less overall on her daughter than the average parent does on a 12 year old.

 

My first car was a Mercedes my parents gave me yet I consider myself more down to earth than more than half the people I meet. Keeping nice items away from chidlren doesn't automatically make them better than other people.

 

 

First, thanks BG for your defense.

 

F2Bm-I've read your other posts and you certainly don't seem to be the insulting type. I was surprised, but thank you for the expanation.

 

But in addendum, yeah my parents could afford all the materialistic crap, but what they seemed to think was more important was to expose us to a culture that we weren't accustomed to..........so they took us on road trips, emphasis on museums and historical sites, overseas and other countries.....anything to make us well rounded individuals. That is what I remember and carry with me-and also what I want for my own kids.

[Fun2BMe]

First, thanks BG for your defense.

 

F2Bm-I've read your other posts and you certainly don't seem to be the insulting type. I was surprised, but thank you for the expanation.

 

But in addendum, yeah my parents could afford all the materialistic crap, but what they seemed to think was more important was to expose us to a culture that we weren't accustomed to..........so they took us on road trips, emphasis on museums and historical sites, overseas and other countries.....anything to make us well rounded individuals. That is what I remember and carry with me-and also what I want for my own kids.

I didn't mean to come across like that, I get carried away in these threads lol. I completely agree with you. Nothing makes for a better experience than family trips whether to a museum or simply cruising on the road, to experience other people, places and things and become more well rounded. But we have to remember not to stereotype. Just because someone buys a particular brand doesn't mean they lack in all other departments.

 

A family that makes a 200K income probably spends more - house, trips, cars and ends up with let's say (this is totally made up) with 10,000 disposable income. They could be spending a lot on labels and running up their credit card but it's easy for others to judge that it's ok, they can afford it unlike Mrs. X who is shopping for cheap on ebay on labels she shouldn't be spending her money on because after all if she could really afford it she'd be going to the store itself and paying the full price.

 

Mrs. X's family income could be 70,000 but have excess of 20,000 in disposable income, go on trips that cost a fraction of what the 200K spends on trips and so on so really, I am just trying to say it's not good to judge. We all know of families where the kids were raised the same but one turns out anti-social. There are too many factors that play into how a kid will turn out.

[slinkysu]

I think it's sad that the mother is doing that. It sends the wrong message. What kind of values is she teaching this kid?

 

I agree. I was never into designer labels - i had no idea what they were. I had some extremely wealthy friends when i was growing up but i had no idea how wealthy they were until after i left school and started seeing them in the society pages of magazines! Maybe it's because i went to a school where a uniform was mandatory and everyone was treated as equal, but i had no concept, nor desire, to wear expensive clothes to keep up with my friends. I was too busy running around outside, doing sport, going to the movies and generally enjoying being a kid to care about stupid things like whether my purse is the same as the next girls.

 

Kids these days have their priorities all out of whack. Childhood is over in a second, so sad that it is wasted trying to 'keep up with the Jones'.

[Guest]

Certainly, I don't know the dynamic within this family but I do know this about them;

 

The father (who makes 80K/year) hates his job and is stressed out from working 70 hour weeks. He wants to quit and take a less stressful job but then they can't maintain their current lifestyle.

 

The mother of the 12 year old has told me his current job is 'killing' him but she worries that if they scale back and move to a smaller house and a less expensive neighborhood they are 'cheating' their daughter.

 

The 12 year old daughter is currently in therapy for being defiant and dishonest with her parents on a regular basis.

 

She is an only child.

 

So it's my opinion that the parents are killing themselves to provide this life for their daughter and rather than being appreciative and greatful, she is becoming impossible.

 

That's my two cents and I certainly don't claim to know how to raise other people's children.

 

But there's that old saying, "It takes a village..." you know? Meaning, sometimes you need and outsider's opinion or support from people outside your own immediate family.

 

However, most people are inclined to snap, "Don't tell me how to raise my kid!"

 

So the 'Village' rarely steps in

[Buttaflyy]

Certainly, I don't know the dynamic within this family but I do know this about them;

 

The father (who makes 80K/year) hates his job and is stressed out from working 70 hour weeks. He wants to quit and take a less stressful job but then they can't maintain their current lifestyle.

 

The mother of the 12 year old has told me his current job is 'killing' him but she worries that if they scale back and move to a smaller house and a less expensive neighborhood they are 'cheating' their daughter.

 

The 12 year old daughter is currently in therapy for being defiant and dishonest with her parents on a regular basis.

 

She is an only child.

 

So it's my opinion that the parents are killing themselves to provide this life for their daughter and rather than being appreciative and greatful, she is becoming impossible.

 

That's my two cents and I certainly don't claim to know how to raise other people's children.

 

But there's that old saying, "It takes a village..." you know? Meaning, sometimes you need and outsider's opinion or support from people outside your own immediate family.

 

However, most people are inclined to snap, "Don't tell me how to raise my kid!"

 

So the 'Village' rarely steps in

 

 

I kind of got the feeling that this was the case here. That they couldn't actually afford the labels and that they were instead trying to "impress" (for a lack of a better word) their daughter with these items.

 

It is apparent that by doing this, the child is not only being spoiled, but develops a warped sense of priority. Again, lessons that should be taught early on.

 

Also as you said, the concept that "it takes a village", is one that seems to be long forgotten in today's society. This is IMO so sad. It's not about telling someone how to raise their children, but more about being supportive in the child's overall well being. This is why kids today have lost respect for authority and their elders. They're always quick to say "your not my mother", and this behavior is being supported by their parents. Im in no way speaking of everybody, but this is a big problem for alot of our "leaders of tomorrow".

[HokeyReligions]

this is a little off-topic, but related in a way.

 

I remember a time in my life - maybe 20 years ago - where a woman I worked with was bragging about all the things her father gave her for Christmas that year - and every year, including a large amount of cash. Expensive items like cars and expensive clothing and jewelry. Her dad had money. She married a laborer - a man who worked hard and earned a decent living, but wasn't into investing, etc. During the year she would proudly whip out her wallet and show off the dozens (and I do mean dozens!) of credit cards and complain about how they could barely make ends meet during the year and was looking forward to her parents gifts at Christmas.

 

Her daughter had been dating for about a year and she would talk about her daughters various boyfriends and how they were or were not 'right' and judged them on what gifts they gave to her daughter.

 

We sat next to each other so we would hear phone conversations, etc. and I remember my husband and I saving for something big - the downpayment for our house - something that required many thousands of dollars. When we reached our goal and were discussing how and when to make this purchase in a phone conversation (and this was right after Christmas I think) I remember saying how proud I was of us that we did this ourseves - with no help from anyone.

 

I remember thinking about that conversation later on and I had a revelation of sorts - I always thought she was somewhat snobbish and 'uppity' with her bragging, but I was just as bad. A reverse form of snobbery in a way. I realized how lucky I was to have earned it myself (with hubby - who was working at the time) and she might never know that because she was handed everything - even though during the year she made the same financial sacrifices we made, like matinee's or McDonalds instead of sit-down restaurants and evening movies. Payless shoes instead of an expensive shoe store. Telling her kids that they couldn't have the designer label clothes but maybe they would get them for Christmas from grandpa. Hamburger instead of steak - that kind of thing. I was jealous in a way because I would have loved to have someone with money and know that I could count on them if/when I needed them. I wanted to provide that for my kids too.

 

She valued expensive items and gifts, but she also knew the value of a dollar and of budgeting (although with all those credit cards mostly maxxed out she wasn't very good at it) but she did know and she did try to instill some of that in her kids. She also instilled in her kids that to have those things they would have to work for them or marry someone who would work and take care of them. Kind of the philosophy that my husband's family (well part of it anyway) taught him: If you take the best, you'll have the best. Quality vs. quantity.

 

Maybe, along with the labels and 'peer pressure' these parents are trying to teach that philosophy too.

[Buttaflyy]

this is a little off-topic, but related in a way.

 

I remember a time in my life - maybe 20 years ago - where a woman I worked with was bragging about all the things her father gave her for Christmas that year - and every year, including a large amount of cash. Expensive items like cars and expensive clothing and jewelry. Her dad had money. She married a laborer - a man who worked hard and earned a decent living, but wasn't into investing, etc. During the year she would proudly whip out her wallet and show off the dozens (and I do mean dozens!) of credit cards and complain about how they could barely make ends meet during the year and was looking forward to her parents gifts at Christmas.

 

Her daughter had been dating for about a year and she would talk about her daughters various boyfriends and how they were or were not 'right' and judged them on what gifts they gave to her daughter.

 

We sat next to each other so we would hear phone conversations, etc. and I remember my husband and I saving for something big - the downpayment for our house - something that required many thousands of dollars. When we reached our goal and were discussing how and when to make this purchase in a phone conversation (and this was right after Christmas I think) I remember saying how proud I was of us that we did this ourseves - with no help from anyone.

 

I remember thinking about that conversation later on and I had a revelation of sorts - I always thought she was somewhat snobbish and 'uppity' with her bragging, but I was just as bad. A reverse form of snobbery in a way. I realized how lucky I was to have earned it myself (with hubby - who was working at the time) and she might never know that because she was handed everything - even though during the year she made the same financial sacrifices we made, like matinee's or McDonalds instead of sit-down restaurants and evening movies. Payless shoes instead of an expensive shoe store. Telling her kids that they couldn't have the designer label clothes but maybe they would get them for Christmas from grandpa. Hamburger instead of steak - that kind of thing. I was jealous in a way because I would have loved to have someone with money and know that I could count on them if/when I needed them. I wanted to provide that for my kids too.

 

She valued expensive items and gifts, but she also knew the value of a dollar and of budgeting (although with all those credit cards mostly maxxed out she wasn't very good at it) but she did know and she did try to instill some of that in her kids. She also instilled in her kids that to have those things they would have to work for them or marry someone who would work and take care of them. Kind of the philosophy that my husband's family (well part of it anyway) taught him: If you take the best, you'll have the best. Quality vs. quantity.

 

Maybe, along with the labels and 'peer pressure' these parents are trying to teach that philosophy too.

 

 

Hey HR! OMG I did not know u were a woman!

 

Interesting story, but it sounds to me that the mom here was also pretty materialistic. This is not the bad part though. Most people would like the "finer" things in life.

 

I think by her judging her daughter's dates by what gifts they brought her was teaching her to judge the wrong value in people.

[HokeyReligions]

Hey HR! OMG I did not know u were a woman!

 

.

 

Not sure how I should take that!

[Buttaflyy]

Not sure how I should take that!

 

Please don't take it offensively! Your name is unisex. I was basing that statement soley on your sn.