fabulousgal Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 So this weekend was pretty kick ass. I partied like a rockstar 3 nights in row, had a blast, got hit on constantly, actually went out and didn't think about "him" every other second. but today i miss him his friend came over to me the other day and said, "just to let you know, he's an idiot." thats pretty much the consensus....great to hear it from his buddy but i still miss that idiot. bloody bastard. i started dating again, and i am spending more time with people i wouldn't have if i still had a boyfriend. so i guess the most important thing i can try to stay positive and realize i am making a lot more relationships, that can be meaningful as well. they just don't cuddle like he did. bastard. wait did i already call him that once in this post:laugh:
riobikini Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 FB, Slow down. (Smile) Some of us deal with a breakup in the way you describe (party like a 'Rock Star') -but that's only because of the painful emotions you are feeling (and trying to avoid). At first, it seems to help but there's always that 'alone' time ahead, where you really must confront those emotions and deal with them. You can't run forever. The 'partying' seems to liberate you momentarily. It gives you a feeling of power and causes you to feel 'in charge' of your life, which is a world apart from being a 'slave' to the emotions you feel towards your ex. But the 'alone' time is where your battle will actually be. It's where you truly learn about your strengths and weaknesses and where you make crucial decisions about *you*: where your life is going, how you really want to live it, -and certainly- the starting point where you begin to recognize needed personal changes. Getting it all out by doing some heavy partying may be the start to feeling a type of pseudo empowerment that actually has the ability to turn into the 'Real McCoy' with some folks, in time, -but realize that it's a double-edged sword; it's both a temporary 'high' that has just enough 'oomph!' to lead you to a threshold where you are confronted with the opportunity to make some major, positive changes in your life, as well as it's polar opposite: the potential to keep you locked in your old ways of coping, viewing, and living with situations which were simply not working for you to begin with. Breakups are,indeed, about *second chances*, (Smile) -a second chance, a third chance, all the opportunity you need to learn and grow in positive ways, from the experience of a bruised, broken -or even shattered- heart. I see nothing wrong with you reasonably enjoying the brief moments of 'freedom' you are taking during the aftermath of your breakup, but realize and take full advantage of the potentially 'good things' that can develop from it, as well, by taking the time to step back and view carefully the 'big picture'. Relationships -according to their size or intensity- have impact, -and following any impact there is a momentary loss of bearing, that varies in time allowance. FB, this is *your* momentary loss of bearing; next, you will begin to regain your bearing; how you *do* that is extremely important to your future wellbeing and happiness. Hope I have said some things to help. Take care. -Rio
GW7147 Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 Hey FabGal!! I've experienced the same feelings at times. I've been out with a group of friends and felt as if I didn't have a care in the world. Had a great time and then, of course when I get home go to bed and wake up the following morning, I feel the lonliness creep back in. Certainly not a fun feeling. Don't know if you've seen my most recent post "Anybody Have Some Insight" under the Coping Section. It's been an odd couple of days but, I think it will give me the push I need to move on. I'll admit I'm slightly bitter but, if I wasn't I guess I wouldn't care and I would be totally without emotion. The way I was looking at going out with friends: I've been having a good time, possibly even better than when I was with the ex. It's not all partying when we go out. At times, we go out to eat or sit and talk. There have been times when I can't recall laughing so hard. My ex and I had a good relationship but there were times when I would almost second guess things or I was uncomfortable with certain circumstances (her childrens ill manners etc..). They're 13 and 15 and should know better. We could go out to dinner and they acted horribly sometimes to the waitstaff etc.. It was almost embarrassing. I guess that's besides the point. If you get a chance, read my post. By the way, I previously posted in another thread and responded to your suggestion to private message you (if I got bored). I would email you to talk, not out of boredom. I've not been able to activate the PM but, if you'd like feel free to email me at: [email protected] I hope you have a great day (make it great!!) and I hope to hear from you soon. Best Regards, Greg
PeanutHead88 Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 I too have realized that It's when I'm alone, that the demons come out. I have to be occupied to not burry my self in a deep hole, or get really sad. I agree with the previous posts on alot of things, only she can put advice out like that. I also see nothing wrong with going out and having fun, look at it like this.. When your sad and lonely this can be your way of escaping and getting all the anger you have inside, It will help you momentarily and permently if you deal with your emotions the correct way Thats why they say keep busy, maybe at the start of the break up you won't feel like doing anything but after a cuple of months just KEEP busy.
Author fabulousgal Posted July 3, 2006 Author Posted July 3, 2006 Rio, I totally get what your saying. I've spent about 2 months being unable to focus on ANYTHING but him. This weekend I was excited I guess bc it was the first time I don't have constant thoughts about what happened. I don't really care that much anymore. I am beginning to see that most people thiink he was ridiculous for what he did, and maybe I should too. I will take the time now that I am not so "down" to reflect on what I'd do different. 1) Listen to my instincts as you and I discussed 2)move much more slowly, this was the first time I gave into being swept away...and I should have put the brakes on to really get to know a persons values first. Also, I am focusing on the fact that I am setting up and forming close friendships with people I know I wouldn't if I still had a bf taking up most of my time. Granted I miss him, but hopefully time and keeping myself busy will take care of that. Thanks Rio
riobikini Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 re: Penuthead: " I agree with the previous posts on alot of things, only she can put advice out like that," Thank you, PH, -for the compliment. (Smile). -I try. Note: Even as a small child, I despised the 'stumps' that many jumped up on to blow useless opinion, 'solutions', and 'fact', just for the sake of pleasing their own ears or an imagined adoring (or simply bored) audience. My *own* real-life experiences and insight, as well as the gathered, conveyed experiences of others is the source where many of my answers are drawn from; stating them doesn't require a stump. I see no reason to fabricate or exaggerate any opinion or answer I give. You can always be sure that every word is given straight from the core of who I truly am in an everyday, ordinary sense, and that my insight is a good deal the product of the region where I was raised, the passed-on good sense of those whom I was raised with (and by) , as well as the gift of a few good genetic traits, all mixed in with a heaping bushel of pretty reliable gut instinct. As with the hunter who chooses not to follow the lead dog in a coon hunt, I normally only meet with error when I don't follow it. (Smile). I am merely glad that what I offer might be -on occasion- useful, duly considered, and perhaps, appreciated by one or two who happen to be looking for a solution that just makes sense. (Smile). Sincere thanks, again, -but mostly for the opportunity to say what I've said above. Yours, -Rio re: FabulousGal: " I will take the time now that I am not so "down" to reflect on what I'd do different. 1) Listen to my instincts as you and I discussed 2)move much more slowly, this was the first time I gave into being swept away...and I should have put the brakes on to really get to know a persons values first. Also, I am focusing on the fact that I am setting up and forming close friendships with people I know I wouldn't if I still had a bf taking up most of my time. Granted I miss him, but hopefully time and keeping myself busy will take care of that. Thanks Rio" Of course, you are welcome. (Smile) And it appears that you are doing *exactly* what you need to be doing: evaluating, protecting and planning for your *better*, *brighter*, and more *promising* future. I think you're gonna be ok. Yours, -Rio PS: BTW -*Happy July 4th, -to all of you.* from the shadow of the foothills of the Cherokee, the sleeping place of Daniel Boone, the birthplace of Davey Crockett, home of the Volunteer, and the Land of the Free: Tennessee.
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