Guest Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 This has probably been asked a number of time before...but here it goes. Ladies, what is the best way to show that would like to get to know you better without coming off like an idiot? My background, I'm 26. I was married at 19, have two beautiful kids that STBX and I have been fighting over for 3 years. When we first split, I did the online thing, dated a couple of girls but realized I was not ready. I was looking to someone else to solve my problems rather than looking to myself. Plus, I have a bad history of negative relationships and really don't want to repeat. I've always been slightly overweight and horribly shy because of it. I can talk and be a great friend but when it comes to asking for a date.....it's a no-go. What's worse, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I fall in love at the drop of a hat. Anyway, current events. I picked up the kiddos for the summer Friday evening. We went to a "New Orleans" restaurant we've never been to. The waitress was amazing. Very sweet and took a shine to the kids. I told her we were planning an upcoming trip to NOLA and she started talking about when she went down there last year. Oh, I might as well tell you she was beautiful. Amazingly beautiful. She wasn't like a cover model or anything; I don't find that type very attractive honestly. But she had these eyes that were so deep and kind. I have a thing for eyes. I digress. Fast forward, I can't get her out of my mind. No big deal, I get infatuated all the time, see above. It'll pass in a few days. But I even went as far as posting on craigslist to see if she read there. But here's the kicker......mind you I haven't mentioned a word of this to anyone. Kids and I go to a movie this afternoon, afterwards we go to a local greasy spoon which has probably been my best relationship for the past three years. Out of the blue, my 6yo daughter said, "(insert name) is pretty." Huh? "She's pretty and nice." Two days later. Now, I've been around alot of pretty and nice girls with my kids and this is the first time DD has ever said anything. I may grasping at straws, but I think this means I should at least ask her for her number or let her know I'd like to learn more about her. Here's where things get bad for me......I am so scared of rejection it is horrible. I'd rather not ask than hear no (Which to me means I'm not good enough to share the same air with you) I also wouldn't want her to think I am some kinda freak that will be her next stalker or something. I can TAKE rejection, I just try to avoid it. Anyway...what to do? Should I just suck it up, go back in there and ask her out for a cup of joe? Should I be discreet and write down my number or email address and slip it to her with the check? Should I find out where she lives and go through her trash...possible kidnapping her cat and holding it for ransom so I can talk to her on the phone? Ok, that last one probably wouldn't go over too well, but you get the idea.
megnog Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Okay - so I too am afraid of rejection, so much that I'd rather just not do whatever I was going to do. I'd rather have regret than rejection I suppose. and I know this is going to be easier said than done (because I don't know if I could even do this) but you need to go back to the place she worked. Go in by yourself and get something to drink or something to eat. It would be AWESOME if she was working your section but chances are, that will not be the case. You might have to do some research but that could seem a bit weird, especially if she found out. You really have to relax yourself and not get so caught up. Alright, so you see her working. If she looks busy, don't bug her - that can be bad. But if shes not doing much then maybe you could pass by her and see if she remembers you. If she doesn't, then say something to her. I Don't know what you could say... ask her if she likes that place she was telling you about or something to jog her memory (?) anyway get into a conversation and just ask her if she'd like to go for....lunch one afternoon, something close to casual might be best. anyway I really don't know what the hell I'm talking about but I really want to see you succeed especially with such a low self esteem that isn't needed. You sound really nice.
gfto Posted July 4, 2006 Posted July 4, 2006 Go back and just order a cup of coffee or something. If she's there (or better yet, if she happens to be your waitress again), play it cool and engage in friendly small talk. Then, just smile and say, "what's your phone number?" Imagine that your Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise. lol. It will make you more confident about it. If she smiles and gives you the number, you might have something. If she gives you a brush-off line (usually, "oh, I have a boyfriend"), then that's ok. You can't hit one out of the park if you don't swing!! I used to be terribly shy like you, but after spending some time around guys who are very successful with women, asking for the phone number because second nature. Sometimes, I'd ask even when I wasn't interested, just to practice asking!! After a while, it's just no big deal.
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