How do you let this feeling go??

[Confused5433]

It's been 4 months since my break up. He sent txt messages saying he loved me, that I refused to be the right person. I never replied for 3 months and then I did the unthinkable....I called him. I wanted to see him for one last time. We meet, talked about our relationship, I found out he was getting married that week with the girl he cheated on me with. I was very relaxed, with an attitude like it was over and we both learned lesson in this relationship. He wanted to still be friends, but I refused. We both said goodbye, very cool and smiling like we were friends. I felt better that things ended that way, it was how I wanted it. I drove away and till this day I can't get over it. I gave him the impression that I moved on, and my feelings were still there but disappering (which is part true). He doesn't love this girl (yet maybe) but had to marry her for papers.

 

Now, I know it is over forever...but I can't forget him, and I miss him. I have guys wanting to date me...but I'm numb, burning inside. I've never in my life felt this way...it's like a fire that won't stop. I wake up thinking about him and the girl, and go back to sleep thinking about him, I even have dreams that he misses me and needs me. I think about our times together, about the fact that he is loving some other girl, the fact he didn't care and probably forgot us already. I find myself crying more than before, and it's tearing me apart inside. I know this guy is not worth it, but I can't get my heart to stop loving him.

I can't complain about my life...God blessed me with a great Job, friends, family and a good financial situation. My only problem is this feeling which will not go away. I don't know what to do anymore, and I can't seem to find someone which will take it away. But I don't want to use someone else to remove this feeling...but I don't know if I can do it myself.

 

Any advice.....

[jorgeajorge73]

Pick up a note pad and write him a letter about how you feel, what you've shared, and why it ended. You seem that you have bottled yourself up and can't seem to let go or let him go. As you write this letter, it is meant to free yourself from him. You need to move on and live your life to your fullest potential, don't drown yourself in your sorrows. Look yourself in the mirror and remind yourself that you're a great person.

 

When you're done with this letter, put it in an evolope and burn it. He is now a faded memory and your life now begins....

[superconductor]

There is no magic "someone" that will take this away. There is no designated timeline by which you'll finally be free. There is no overnight transcendance of your angst.

 

The only way to get through this is to deal with reality.

 

You've been living inside your head for too long now. Introspection and self-analysys is good to a point, but it can easily degenerate into self-loathing and depression.

 

You've already done the introspection and analysis part. So now it's time to move forward.

 

Go out on dates with other guys. Keep connected with family and friends. And when the memory of your ex comes back - and it will - recognize it for what it is and then move forward.

 

Feelings are important, no question, but they're not the only important thing in your life. So keep them in perspective; understand that they are there to serve you, you are not to be a slave to them.

 

It sounds like you have a great deal going for you, but like most people the only thing you're paying attention to is the "fly in the ointment." That's normal and natural, but it's gone on too long.

 

So keep moving forward, stay connected with your circle of friends, keep NC with your ex, and enjoy your life.

 

Good luck.

[Anastasiya]

pick up "how to break your addiction to a person".

check it out on amazon.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Hi Confused,

 

Some time ago, I could have replaced the he's with she's, and the hims with hers, and with a couple minor differences (such as she called me, not the other way around), my story was your story. The feelings were pretty much the same.

 

Like you, I had a good job, income, family, a good life, and pretty much everything else was in place, except for that. Like you, she cheated on me, then married the guy she cheated on me with, just a very few months after. Like you, it was about all I could think about.

 

Two things helped me.

 

1. Time (that was most important).

2. Spending time with someone else (yes, including romantic time like I used to spend with her). That relationship didn't work out either, btw, but hey, it took my mind off of it, it was fun, and in retrospect, it was very good for me.

 

So how do you let the feeling go? You don't, really. It just fades. But you can do things to help it fade.

 

1. Get out more.

 

2. Spend good times with some other guy. Replace those special times you are missing with new ones. If you miss long walks, find someone else cool to walk with, if you miss the conversations, find some other nice guy to talk to, if you miss sex, by all means have some. Just do things the same things you always enjoyed doing, and you will find that after a while they actually take your mind off of him - do not avoid doing the things you used to do with him - if you do that, you will continue to feel empty.

 

3. Reflect on what it was about the relationship (him cheating on you, among other things) that are reasons why it never would have worked out in the first place long-term, and count yourself lucky for having dodged the proverbial bullet. I know that is hard to do now, but time will help with that too.

[riobikini]

re:

 

Confusd: " How do you let this feeling go?? "

 

I'm calling this right down to the carpet.

 

Confused, that feeling fades, -then disappears- when you *finally*, *completely*, and *absolutely* stop allowing your emotional and physical weaknesses to be a crutch, or a flimsy excuse for continuing to pull off the scab of a wound that is trying it's best to heal naturally for you, in spite of your actions.

 

***You have to stop digging in it.***

 

Turn your back on it, get yourself out of the denial phase where you keep thinking something really 'good' is going to miraculously happen that changes his heart.

 

Chances are, if this relationship makes you feel this bad, it's always going to.

 

Protect yourself, and resist the temptation to act foolishly.

 

The damage that's being done to you is being done by *yourself*.

 

Only *you* can change that.

 

All said in kindness,

-Rio

[JCD]

Like you said, the hardest thing for you is to not think about him and getting involved with someone else. I felt like that recently and I told myself that if I don't give other girls the chance to get to know them then I'll never dig myself out of my self pity. By knowing someone will slowly get your mind off of your ex and you'll most likely feel happy again which will heal you in the process.

[Confused5433]

Thank you all for your replies.

I understand all of your points of view, but at this stage I am in this frame of view were I can't see past this. I wish I could feel for certain that I will be able to love someone as much as him or more, but it is difficult.

Besides that, I try so hard to leave everything behind, but everything around me keeps reminding me of him. He comes from a culture I feel in love with before I even meet him, and where I live, I see many people from his country. THe music, food, the language...everything reminds me of him and how much I wanted to be a part of that world. That was the life and romance I wanted so badly, it was like a dream.

 

I know deeeeeepppp down, he is not the man for me. There were many things about him that proved that. However, here in the States, or at least the people I know can't compare to his ways of charming and emotionally capturing woman. He wasn't afraid of commitment, of saying he loved me, of giving in, of sharing his family and friends with me, of writing long love letters and even crying with me. He had a way to make me feel so wonderful, and I can't see anyone making me feel that way. Besides that, he never got upset, always saw life with a positive attitude and faith in God. He had so much confidence in life and in himself...it was irresistable.

 

I swear it's a hard thing to find someone like him, but if only he would have respected and regained my trust from before. If only he could have understanded me and helped me when I told him I needed a break. Instead of breaking up the relationship and saying cruel things to me.

His biggest weakness were women. He was definitely like a Don Juan, and never had a problem being with someone.

I on the other hand, don't like to jump from one to another.

 

I guess what I am looking for is just what all of you have given me.

Hope that there are many other wonderful experiences and true love out there. And that I didn't make a mistake.

 

Why is holding on to your principles and values so painful sometimes. Is the right thing to do, but it doesn't make you any happier. In fact I feel more miserable now than when I was with him still knowing that he cheated and said all those crazy things.

 

I guess Im still blind, stupid, etc I don;t know...I just still love him.....

Venting def. helps..

Thank you all again, your words mean more than you can imagine.

[JCD]

The fact of the matter is that your feelings are controlling you and are painting this pretty picture of him while what he did to you wasn't very nice. I'm in the same situation but with a girl. I painted this pretty picture of her in my head and as months went by she virtually killed the girl in the picture and I did not know who the real girl really was anymore. I still have feelings for her but my logic is coming back to me. Love is blind as they say. Life is funny and you probably will find someone right for you who will make you feel the way you haven't felt before and that is something to look forward to. New experience and all, so jump in.