Guest Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Hi My GF broke up with me two months ago after a few months of problems, saying that she wanted to 'take a break' for 6 months to date other people, lead and independent life etc and as we were pretty reliant on each other I thought it was a good idea even though I was very hurt. I read posts on the hidden meaning behind a break on this site and it seems unanimous that this basically means 'we're history, I'm just letting you down gently'. All my friends have said this too and want me to move on but I'm finding it so hard as we've been in regular contact since the split and we've met on three or four occasions and always had a great time and then ended up in bed - both drunk and sober so I know she's still attracted to me at least!!! She has told me she loves me when we meet up and it's like nothing has changed except it has because she says each time that she still isn't ready to get back together. She says that she has 'never been happier' with her current life and my friends are saying that's because she's got her cake and eating it, basically stringing me along, keeping me on the back burner and I'm going with it - all well and good until she meets someone else and then I'm cast aside and really in the sh*t. We arranged to meet up yesterday a few weeks ago and I decided that I wouldn't call her as I was starting to see the sense in my friends advice and sort of hoped that she wouldn't call at the same time checking my phone every five minutes!!! anyway she did call and we met, had a few drinks, and a really nice day and she came back to mine like all the other times. I told her this morning I didn't want to see her for three months as I have found it easier to cope the longer we're apart and I was told that this is a good time frame to 'get over someone' anyway, my last comment to her as I just wanted to put my cards on the table was 'I don't need you anymore but I do want you in my life' at which she just smiled and we set a date to meet in 3 months and went our seperate ways (after a quick one in her flat!) I'm so confused as I just don't know what her motivations are and feel like I'm getting played but still want to trust her and want to get back together. Am I being a total idiot here?? Any advice woiuld be much appreciated guys. thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 don't confuse her willingness to hook up from time to time with high interest level on her part. When she told you she wanted a "break," she was telling you that she no longer wants a committed relationship with you. not now. not ever. But, a woman with low interest level in you can still hook up with you from time to time. But, three months from now, she's just going to say, "I still need more time to sort things out," or some other typical brush-off line. Your friends are correct. I'd just disappear on her and focus on meeting new prospects. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 A break is a breakup. Sometimes they come back, sometimes they don't. The best thing to do is to back off and not worry about her. Move on to new prospects and if she contacts you in the future, deal with it then. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused5433 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 A "break" doesn't necessarily mean a break-up. I recently told this to my bf and had legit reasons. Our relationship was consuming my life, and I needed time to breath, to make serious decisions for my future and to be on my own for a while to get my life back together. He took it the wrong way, and didn't understand the why, even after I assured him that I didn't want to date any other man and my love for him was real. This break helped me get my life back together, but I lost him instead. I wasn't meant to be if he was not the understanding man. I your case you did understand and gave her the liberty. However if she gets close to you and then pulls back...something is wrong. Figure out why she wanted this break, and try as the bf, to change certain things about the relationship that might have bothered her. But if she is not willing to come back and give you the respect and commitment that you deserve, then STOP being intimate with her and pleasing her every wish. It's tough, but it's the only way she will react and make a clear decision for you. Hope she does reconsider soon and comes back the right way. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Thanks for your advice guys - I might be totally in denial but I do believe that she does see a future with me in it and I think we will be together - and I do understand her reasons for spliting as we definitely had problems - I think I was suffocating her (we talked about moving in together only weeks before the split) and she has said that sometimes I was too 'nice' and I didn't take control enough - all valid reasons - also she could be very difficult and childish and she's also made it clear she wants to date other men - a definite problem! in fact in many ways even though I'm sad and I think about her every day it's getting less and less and sort of I'm enjoying the freedom and would like to see other girls, get myself fit, get really good on my guitar etc etc I just feel that this one is 'the one' and would really like to get back together in time - is this dangerous to hold on to this 'dream' or should I psychologically just consider it a break up, move on and wait for her to call me? What about meeting her in three months, should I leave this also??? Link to post Share on other sites
BrandonBP Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 How old are you both? If you're early 20's then maybe a break means she just wants to have a look around. Maybe she indeed loves you, but she wants to just have fun right now and play the field. Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Find someone who actually wants to be with you. As comforting (at times) as keeping her for an occassional bed buddy might be, it sounds like you are way too attached for that to be an arrangement you can live with. You have recognized that this is destructive for you, when you told her that you coped better when you did not see her for a longer period. There is a reason for that. You were moving on, but she comes back JUST often enough (giving you the companionship, "love", and sex, that you miss so much) to keep you on the hook. That just isn't right, and any decent person deserves better than that from someone who claims to care about them. Date, get out, and play the field yourself. You may find that the next time she comes back for a booty call/pull him in session again, you just are not interested in her anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 Again, thank you so much for your advice guys - advice is what you ask for when you know the answer! I am going to try and move on and date (considering speed dating has anyone ever done it? any tips?) it's just I love this girl so much and I know she loves me too - but I guess not enough to commit to me 100% so I know what I need to do. thanks so much again, this website is a God-send - really comforting to know there are people out there going through the same sh*t and helping each other through Link to post Share on other sites
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