lonely_me Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 Hello, I need to get my story out there and see what feedback it generates. Here we go... Last year I met Johnny on his birthday at a local bar. He was sweet and cute and I loved his smile. He wound up moving into my place within the first month of knowing each other. This was OK with me because I would rather know ASAP if I can live with someone else rather than spending a few years together to find out that you CAN NOT live with that person. Than What? So From June to Thanksgiving everything was amazing. I loved the way he looked at me. We were intense. I told him I loved him after a few cocktails while in Florida for a vacation in October. I got NO response. We eventually talked about my confession and he said the whole "I love U but not In love with U" bit. I have hope and stuck through the relationship patiently waiting. I'm gonna tell you all about the gift giving idiot I am before getting to the ugly stuff, so bear with me ~ Now he had some bad luck with his car in September, I bought him the Razor Phone as a gift to cheer him up. It worked. I then bought him tickets to see his favorite hockey team who he has never seen live (2 times both in January). And than the grand finale was in May (his B-day) I got him WAY overpriced tickets to see a favorite band of ours front row center! As well as a 30 gig Ipod and a Strawberry ice cream cake from Cold Stone. That was a sick gift if you ask me. So now I'm gonna go back a little~ In December I asked him if he talks with his ex still (I was suspicious). He said yes that they are great friends. I think its wonderful to be on good terms with an ex, I admire it! BUT he would get a little defensive if I kept asking questions. I wanted to meet her, have her over for dinner so I can establish some trust with this uneasy situation. He said no, that it's his friend for himself. It' s gonna get dark here soon. Basically, after he said that is when I became detective lonely_me. I would find the phone bills and emails that were about planning to meet up. Now we were sharing my car and I TRULY fellt he was not gonna tell me about going to see her. I waited for him to be honest and than I snapped and we had our first ugly fight (January) we amazingly worked through it and continued our relationship. But over time I'd be investigatiing again. And it seems as if there talks became more frequent. One of the first things I told him in the begining was "DON'T LIE TO ME!" and everything will be fine. BUT he chose to say that they are friends yada yada. In January I decide to call he to introduce myself and shine some light on unwanted darkness. She seemed cool and we seemed to have an understanding of my call, because it doesn't look right. She then continued to call him and say "WTF!" blah blah blah. And now I'm the crazy one! She NEVER called the house for him or attempted to help ease my uneasy feelings. That was the last time I contacted her since last month when I emailed her because I was dumped and his emails revealed his plan to move to Seattle where she is. AAAWWWW!!!! I never cursed in the letter or threatened her in any way. I basically was making her aware of ALL the financial burden he is dumping on me as he dumps me. For example, my truck that we have been sharing (a $40,000 vehicle) has $3000 of damages that he did. We signed a year lease in December when we moved into a house that was cheaper than the other one. Which he has only paid his half twice since then. And money that I have lent him all these things that I have done with the hopes and trust that he would do right by me. Now he dumped me 2 days after his birthday because I started a fight when I asked why she (his ex) sent him a Valentines card (with a pic of his dog and on the back it said: to my first daughter whom I'll love forever. love, mommy) and no Birthday Card!!! She seems to be playing games with me. SO we breakup BUT he continues to live here and not pay. I can not deal everyday and I've been so depressed the past month begging for him to leave so I can begin to heal. My birthday rolls around on the 17th of June and I spent the day ALONE! Granted him and all my friends had to work. BUT when he came home for a break he was empty handed. No card, No present, No CAKE! I thought he would make it up that week. NO instead he comes home with new parts for his car and new clothes. And wouldn't simply spend time with me at all. I was alone that whole week pretty much until that Friday when he decided to NOT come home at all until Sunday! I had packed his things and placed them outside with a note that said: CONSIDER THIS BRIDGE DISINTEGRATED! After many ugly words being screamed and a little wrestle he was gone. He is in Seattle and I miss him terribly. I want to hurt that girl because she knew what she was doing! It ANGERS me that he left to go be with someone and I'm alone! I go out of my way to help and comfort my friends (lovers or not). This is truly the worst pain I have ever felt. And I can't let go of hope that he'll come back realizing what a JERK he was to me! No calls, No apology, NADA. Just me and my dogs and thank god for people that come and check on me. This evil needs to STOP and people need to start talking more!!! If you think a person is moving to fast SAY SOMETHING!!! My heart is mutilated! And I can't erase the beautiful memories we once had. I want to repeat them everyday! I'm lost... and i needed to let that out. If your still reading and would like to know about the events that took place in the middle of his b-day and mine, let me know... You will think I'm making it up! LOL (as I cry). I know IF he came back I shouldn't take him but I think I would and that kills me too! Let me know your thoughts!
Outcast Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 You're mad because you know you should have known better. You should not have moved in so soon. You should not have expected that he would change when he gave you the 'love but not in love' story and you should not have ignored your gut feeling when he was still talking to her. It's not her fault that you did these things but rather than accept blame and realize you goofed (and swear to never goof that way again), you want to vent your anger at someone else. It's neither fair nor reasonable. It's unfortunate that you took up with this guy but you were never 'meant to be' and the sooner you realize that you devoted yourself to a lost cause, accept your role in this, and move on, the better off you'll be. You want to think that if not for her, he would have fallen for you but he was 'just not that into you' and if it wasn't her, it would've been someone else that won him away because he was not committed to you.
Author lonely_me Posted July 2, 2006 Author Posted July 2, 2006 We only dated a year, love takes time, No?
Diver012 Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 I think some bad choices have been made here... First, this guy moved in within a month? How well do you really know someone in less than a months time? Second, You were showering him with gifts and affection, even money. Was this to win his heart perhaps? If he was not IN LOVE with you, no amount of money or attention is going to change that. None of this excuses his actions. What he did was wrong. You are so lucky he is gone now and you area able to heal from this, and hopefully learn from it too. Never invite someone into your life without learning what their all about first... Just my opinion... I hope you move past this quickly... theres far better out there for you than this.
Author lonely_me Posted July 2, 2006 Author Posted July 2, 2006 This is begining to make me feel way way way better... THANK YOU!!! I know it's probably my mistakes, but I want to believe someone is in it for real. I have a horrible habit with the gift giving thing. I like to give gifts.. Call me santa I guess, but your right I probably need to tone it down a notch~
Outcast Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 We only dated a year, love takes time, No? If someone gives you the 'love but not in love' line, then it won't take a year or ten years. He's shut the door to anything further and it's futile to think that his feelings will change.
Smung Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 I agree with Outcast as to the “love but not in love” line. But, I would point out that given the right situation communication can change the dynamic of any breakup. Both parties however, need to be willing to openly and honestly communicate their issues and LISTEN to the others concerns, and then be willing to change.
rugbyrob1990 Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 Hi lonely, you sound like your in so much pain and I wish I could take it away.. I'm on day 10 of nc and tonight I relasped, I didn't call or email but I just had to drive by her house! its still there, but it was hard I don't think she is seeing someone else but its hard to have NO contact. By the way, what happened at your B-day party? and his?
Author lonely_me Posted July 3, 2006 Author Posted July 3, 2006 Hey thanks for your post. There was no party for me.. I had some frineds over for his and then we went to the bar. But yep, all alone for my b-day, ain't no fun Thanks Again & Be Strong!
Author lonely_me Posted July 3, 2006 Author Posted July 3, 2006 did you mean the events that took place between my b-day and his?? It's embaressing for me and for him as well... here goes... I left my house to pick up a friend from the airport and then we stopped at a store.. I was gone maybe 3 hours.. He was up at our neighbors house playing horseshoes when a friend tells him there are cops down at our house... He says "I'm playing horseshoes" and continues to ignore whats happening. Apparently there was a man at a restuarant uptown that had some confrontation with the owner of the restaurant. the police took him out of the building and asked him if he lived locally b/c he was too drunk to ride his motorcycle.. The man told the cops to take him to my house (thats empty) so the cops take him here and leave him. So I pull into town, the cops see my truck that was descibed to them by the drunkard man and they follow me home and start asking me questions... What's your b/f look like, does he have a bike yada yada... it wasn't my boyfriend.. well I wanted to know who was left at my house, they give me a name I don't know and he's from Indiana ( i don't know anyone from indiana). But this man knows my name, my truck, the names of my dogs.. so I begin to panic a little.. the cops leave, I enter my home to find a black cut off tshirt (which was described by the cops) on my couch along with a pair of sunglasses and a beverage he had while hanging out in my home while Johnny played horseshoes... We were on the verge of being evicted and johnny assumed it was the cops putting up the notice. I don't know.. Johnny has proved to be a respectable, motivated, man with morals and such until December, it's like I lost him. Like we went out and came home with a new guy. I just wanted so badly to go back to that feel good part. I can make those feelings last, why can't he? Why did he lie? UGH!!!! I would probably kick myself in the ass if I went back with him, if he came back.. I'm gonna try my hardest to let it go.. But it seems like it will take FOREVER, i still cry at least once a day and the anxiety is unbearable. Blah Blah Blah.. did anyone ever say this was supposed to be fun?
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