Guest Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 Do you think a really handsome guy can fall for a girl thats not really that pretty at all? Im seeing a guy and he is so attentive and says really nice things but I keep thinking he will soon see that I'm not pretty and it will fizzle out. Do you know many happy couples where there is a difference in how good looking they are? I suppose its my own superficiality (that a word?) to think that I shouldn't be with someone great looking, and its a bit demeaning for me to think that such a good guy would break up because of looks but isn't that the reality of attraction? Its pretty much that I just dont believe that anyone could be really attracted to me physically, even though his actions appear otherwise.
Outcast Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 The reality of attraction is that it's not about looks alone. You don't marry a face. You marry a personality - at least if you want to have a happy life. If he's with you, it's because he's attracted to you. I'm sorry popular culture is so warped that it has people like you thinking that no matter what a great person you are, you think you're unworthy unless you look like a model
Walk Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 Just because you don't think you're pretty doesn't mean he doesn't see you as stunningly beautiful. You're self-doubt, and insecurities will cause you problems. Not your looks. I've been with guys who were models, and I'm about a 6 on a 1-10 scale. Nothing to write home about. They found me incredibly attractive and sexy. But I think it had more to do with the fact that I'm intelligent, witty and have a weird sense of humor. If the only reason you doubt his feelings is because you think you're too ugly, then you're going to sabatoge any relationship you may have had with this guy. Think in positives. "You are beautiful, funny, intelligent, interesting." Repeat it over and over in your head. I used to think I was the ugliest thing on the planet, and I would end up proving myself right every time by letting my insecurity and negativity sabatoge any budding relationships. The day I stopped believing I was gross and started believing that I was someone people should be interested in, was the day everything changed. Also, men do NOT view beauty the same as women. We think women must look a certain way to be "hot". 80% of men want something completely different from what women think is beauty. So if you're judging your "beauty" on the magazines and tv shows and feeling sub-par, then you're not basing your ideals on the correct thing. A majority of men don't find these women "hot", they might find them sexy because they're provacative and showing off most their wares. But having a bag of bones to sleep next to at night isn't comfortable, nor is it fun to touch.
alfagrl Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 He could be really into you because he sees a natural woman who doenst cake on make up and who is low mantanence and is still pretty. Men like to know what they are going to wake up to once all the padding and makeup come off. It says something about you and your personality that he is attracted to and personality doesnt need to be touched up every 3-4wks .
Walk Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 I'm sorry popular culture is so warped that it has people like you thinking that no matter what a great person you are, you think you're unworthy unless you look like a model This is exactly why I stopped watching TV. I'd see women I would NEVER look like even with extensive plastic surgery. Not unless they found a way to make me at least 6 inches taller. hahah I stopped watching tv and my self-esteem sky rocketed. It was amazing to me. To realize how much it had influenced me to hate my looks.
blind_otter Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 When you look at a lot of faces long enough you realize that beauty is very subjective, and that there is no such thing as an objective standard of attractiveness. To judge yourself by other people is a bit of twisted logic. I also find that, when I really care for someone, it is more often their imperfections that endear them to me. Like the bump in their nose, or too many freckles. I find that those parts remind me more of the tenderness I feel, not the picture perfect, more forgettable parts of them. I'm just saying.
Toni_no12002 Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 I believe that most of the time your worst enemy is yourself.The only person that can make you feel good about yourself is Yourself.If you hate yourself no matter how many times people say your pretty or have a good sense of humour etc you will never believe them.Only when you have more confidence in yourself you will believe that you are a worthwhile person. I remember the other day my sister who is quite pretty sat down and was staring in the mirror at this spot she had.She kept saying its huge and that she didnt want to go out the front door because of it.When i looked at it there was nothing there hardly.We always see ourselves worse than everyone else does. No one is perfect.Most of these models who are in our magazines must go through hell because when they go to have there shoots all of there imperfections are altered and airbrushed.Imagine having that rubbed in your noses all the time. Try builing your confidence and self esteem.Then you will feel more worthwhile.He likes you!The more you keep putting yourself down the more you will destroy the relationship.Ive done it!Not a good move Good luck
precious99 Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 I can completely relate to this topic. I am dating this extremely hot, younger guy - who was and still is chased by many available, equally hot girls. And while I don't think I'm horrid or a "troll" or anything I am basically average looking. And while he is 25 I am considerably older at 30. However for reasons unbenownst to me he is 100% into me. And I agree with some of the others here that there is no absolute definiton of beauty. Every person defines physical attractiveness differently. He wouldn't be with you if he was anything except hot for you. Be confident and believe in yourself and your relationship. And let me tell you something else - you are probably selling yourself short - I am sure that you are beautiful. When I met my BF's friends not long ago I was worried that I wasn't cute or "hot" enough - but he recently told me that in conversations with them I was described as "smoking hot!" So how's that for a boost in the old ego! Just be happy with your guy and remember he picked you!!
pricillia Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 When you look at a lot of faces long enough you realize that beauty is very subjective, and that there is no such thing as an objective standard of attractiveness. To judge yourself by other people is a bit of twisted logic. I also find that, when I really care for someone, it is more often their imperfections that endear them to me. Like the bump in their nose, or too many freckles. I find that those parts remind me more of the tenderness I feel, not the picture perfect, more forgettable parts of them. I'm just saying. I totaly agree with everything you said blind otter, there is that initial attraction but it is the person that you fall in love with, and yes if you look at someones face long enough...subjective does apply
JCD Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I'm a guy and when I was a teenager like most I was attracted to supermodels Anyways, as I grew older my views changed and now I look at personality and compatibility over looks. My last girl was a 5 out of 10 on looks scale and it was her sweetness and humor that attracted me to her. This other girl I'm thinking about dating is a 10 out of 10 on looks scale which is ok but it's also a bit offputting because her looks make her a bit intimidating. She's into me so that's a good sign however I need to talk to her to find out if there is more to her. I know sex with her would be hot but after we get tired of that there's got to be something more holding our relationship together. I find resolute, girls with self respect who know what they want and how to get it, hard workers, etc. very attractive because it shows maturity and ability to handle real life problems. I don't like immature, wishy washy girls that are naive about the world. My coworkers whistle when a hot girl walks by and I always say so what? They're married and they're acting like teenagers, sad really.
Craig Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I'm a guy and I haven't paid attention to looks so much in any potential relationship so much as personality, depth and recently character (hey, ya learn by making mistakes right? LOL). I've dated the full spectrum from a 0 to 11/10 and in all cases it wasn't the concept of beauty imposed by marketing companies that attracted me to the woman it was her inner self. Relax, accept that your bf is attracted to you for what seem to be the right reasons according to your post and accept that you deserve him too.
Guest Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 I'm so sorry to be hijacking this thread but it seems like I have the exact reverse problem. While I'm definitely far from drop dead gorgeous, I give myself maybe an 8 on the scale, when made and dressed up. I've never had much of a sparkling personality, I'm just an average girl next door type who can never think of smart things to say until it's too late, so usually guys notice my looks first, and although they like me when they get to know me, I think quite a number of my relationships have been built on their appreciation of an attractive woman (and appreciating that I take care of my appearance so our values are the same, and that I appreciate their good looks too). I'm now starting to date a guy who doesn't give a toss about looks. While I think this is great, he's so smart that I feel insecure about myself and wish he would appreciate my looks too so I could bring something to the table with me and even things out a bit. All his ex gfs weren't really lookers, and even worse, didn't bother to take care of their looks. I really don't know if he can even see that I'm attractive or if this will work against me. I'm proud that I managed to achieve this degree of attractiveness (I was an ugly kid and an ugly teen, it was through long hard hours of working out, looking after my hair and skin that I managed to make the most of what I was given naturally) and I wish he would be able to appreciate it too! For all you guys who go for "personality" is it a bonus when the woman is attractive? Does it give you extra incentive to stick around? Or can you at least appreciate her values - that she loves beautiful things, and wants to make the most of her looks and youth while she has them? Does it give you a rush when other men find her attractive, or do you honestly not care? I'm sorry if this sounds superficial, but it's a real problem I have.
LikkleMissConfused Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Of course looks matter as this is what attracts you in the first place. But falling in love with the person is what makes you stick around and to fall in love you have to admire and be attracted to the persoanlity as most of you have said. This guy you are dating obviously finds you attractive and likes you for who you are so go with the flow and enjoy. Just dounbt put yourself down girl.
JCD Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 For me, I was put into a situation where I had to interact with this girl because of work. She was not great looking but she had a nice smile and good sense of humor and after a while we clicked and I became attracted to her personality. I guess it's a bonus if a girl is also good looking but not necessary, at least for me. I don't care if other guys find my girl attractive or not but if she flirts with them then I kick her to the curb and find someone else. It's not like I need a girl since I've been independant most of my life. But some guys would become jealous. I would find humor in the irony that I again picked the wrong girl, like what else is new
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