sadlittlegirl Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 A guy I have a crush on recently came back to town. While he was away, we used to chat regularly online so when he got back we started hanging out with a group of mutual friends. I sort of had a thing for him before he left, but since he's been back I've gotten really attracted to him. Unfortunately this made me act weird around him and I think I've given him a bad impression. He's an outgoing, talkative, charismatic guy but when we were hanging out, I've been very quiet and a little grouchy (because someone, another friend, was irritating me). I think that he now thinks I'm no fun and boring. I also made a few wrong moves, which could have caused him to think I'm very spoilt and need to be pampered which is not his type at all. He likes girls who are cool and outgoing with a strong personality, and he liked me as a friend cause that was the first impression I gave him when we first met. I know he's not attracted to me though he did want to see me when he got back. He didn't do anything when his friend was putting the moves on me, and basically didn't give me the sort of attention that guys usually give girls when they're interested. After I started being grouchy, he turned away and started hanging out with his friends instead even though I made a few efforts to talk and smile more. But I still value his friendship alot and I think it's over now he thinks I'm sullen and boring. What can I do to save it? This really hurts! Edit: Just wanted to add, when we first met I didn't think he was my type at all! But something about him just drew me in even though we would be terrible together if we were ever in a relationship. What I really really want is to get to the "best mates" zone that we were approaching cause I think I could work off my crush over time. And although this might sound shallow...I'm quite attractive but he just doesn't seem to see it. He can be quite self centered and has fairly quirky tastes in girls, they need to have some outstanding characteristic that appeals to him or makes him admire them. I failed on both counts!
jerbear Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 If you are still pinning for him, there is no real friendship. Friendships are platonic. What you can do is just let it go and be youself. Their are not guarantees in attraction or the spark being created overtime as friends. If he notices that you are more relaxed, not boring, and really blows his socks off. He will show more interests. When that time comes, if ever, you will know. In the meantime, this friendship will require some platonic feelings and removing the barriers to being yourself. as in let your hair down.
Bobbie Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 seems to me like you already made 1 million assumptions about what he thinks/ feels without waiting for feedback. Whenever I act like this- it's 'cos I'm not ready for a relationship and I start projecting loads of anxieties onto him. I'm quite attractive but he just doesn't seem to see it. He can be quite self centered and has fairly quirky tastes in girls, they need to have some outstanding characteristic that appeals to him or makes him admire them. I failed on both counts! or it could be you just failed on a couple of counts of your own- commitment to developing/ preserving your self-esteem & good judgement! Unless you're planning to take up naked tightrope walking- do you really need a guy who only goes for 'speciality acts'?
Author sadlittlegirl Posted July 3, 2006 Author Posted July 3, 2006 Wow great replies, thanks jerbear and Bobbie. They helped alot in my next conversation with him. Ok, so I was a paranoid twit when I posted the last because it does seem we are still friends. He phoned me and we had a long (casual) chat. I'm proud to say I took the above advice to heart and just decided to be me, fun but not overly trying to impress or be his "type". Unfortunately during our two hour phone call, alot of his emotional baggage also came right out. I can't tell if he's attracted to me or not. He says he had a bad relationship with a psychotic ex who broke his heart just a few months ago, isn't looking for a relationship right now and doesn't believe in commitment. And he's obsessed with his emotions, I could only get a word in now and then once he got started. Maybe he just wants a new female figure to nurture him because it does seem like he has loads of female friends who mother him. Now I need to make the tough call on whether I want to proceed with this friends deal or not. I'm so attracted to him that if he puts the moves on me I might not be able to say no...but at the same time I don't want to hook up with a guy with so many issues. I'll just end up as a FWB or in a horrible relationship where I'll get my heart broken.
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