ii ndica ii Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 ok this turned out waaaaaaaaay longer then i wanted it too, but hey it got my mind outta the clouds for a 2nd. If you do read the whole thing through, are only half way, please let me know what you think. I do LOVE this girl and want nothing more then to grow old with her(yes i know im young) but at the same time i accept fait. Can i fix it are no? Here it goes.....btw im her first everything (shes all ways rubbin that one it, what ever it means) thanks. Hey all, been browsing these forums for about 6 months and finally got to the point where I need to register. Please bear with me if any of the text seems out of context (kinda hard to express emotion through the net, not to mention ive been asking myself for 11 days now weather r not id post). Anyways ive been dating the girls for 3 years and where both 20. I realize that this one was more so one me, but ive been going through alot lately (no an excuse in anyway) and it really took a toll on my relationship (a matter of weeks). See I guess you could say I was on my “2nd chance” when she decide to end it, the first REAL time was probably month and a half ago I told my self I was done, didn’t feel like crap, r anything. Changed all my phone numbers and had nc for 2weeks, then she showed up on the door step trying to return a pair of pliers I had left in her car after working on it (I could careless about the pliers) saying “schools almost over for summer….”in just she wanted to try again and I was so quick to agree and say yes. All was well up until 6/11 we where arguing and I hadn’t talked to her in like 2days (yes I was being n ass) any ways my dad passed on this day(only 40)….well step dad but the only REAL father figure ive had.……btw I need to say im not one to go around needing peoples sympathy, ect…..so I didn’t tell anyone and kinda just delt with it. I finally told my gf and friends like 4 days after n she flipped out “why didn’t you tell me, baby im so sorry…crying”. Anyways, before I write you guys a novel, since then it has been really hard trying to be there for my mom, sister (they live in an apartment and my step dad was there source of income, I take care of my grandma at her house, who has lung cancer) and my girl. Kinda feel like im strung out all over the place, and when I come home at the end of the day, im only coming home to the s*** and problems of the day, only to wake up and start over, you know? Always asking my self, what is life? Between arguing with my step dads family about materialistic things, the stupidest things to ever argue about and being there for everyone I kinda collapsed under my own weight and my relationship suffered. I had little contact with my girl and hardly ever saw her for this time period, and im not using this as an excuse, but it was really hard to be everywhere at once. So on 6/17 after a week of crying my ass to sleep (i hate crying/emotion) I decide to go out with some friends, nothing major, just a party at my boy’s girls house and mind you me and the ex are arguing and r playing the ol “text message phone tag” thing. So the next day I call her up planning on spending the day with her after work, mind you we always spend the day together on the 18 of every month(lunch at seaworld, walk around, shoot the s***, ect. Btw we have passes, not like I was trying to win her over are anything, tho I should have) Finally when I get a hold of her, she sounds like beat (hard parting the night before) and she’s all “I did ecstasy last night” I reply “o” then she tried to talk to me about it (im pissed at this point, not yelling are nething, tell my self I have more important things to worry about at this point, such as my moms and sis) so I say I gotta get of the phone and get back to work (in reality I just couldn’t talk to her, nor did I want too at this point). You see I could care less that she decided to go out a roll, the only problem I have is that shes never done it before and it was with a group of people who ive never met. So being mad, I didn’t call until tuesday 6/20 when she said “don’t call me again” I tried to explain myself and tell her why what was going on was happening and she didn’t want to hear it, so I said ok, just know that I love you and hung up. Five minutes later her she calls again saying “im serious don’t call” and I said “did you forget that last time I changed all my numbers and stopped contacting you” so with that said we went on are ways. The next day at 6am she was at my window asking for her shoes, so I gave them to her (I don’t even think I opened my eyes, I was too tired). Then a couple days later on the 24th I get a text (after she attempted to call me multiple times…..btw this convo was over a period of a few days, like a text message a day, after I had time to think about it. She would call me like a couple times a day to, but I don’t answer) from her saying HER “I wanna tell you so much” I finally text back nearly a day later saying ME “think you had wrong number this is me” HER “No I didn’t have the wrong number” ME “what do you need to say” HER “There so much more to say. I truly miss you. Im here 4 you” ME “Babe…..your the who said never to call you ever again” Her “ do you even know why” ME “ I f***ed up..shoulda been there fore you as your man 4 what ever it may have been” Then I finally called her ( I had been drinking….eeeeek) Anyways, she talked to me for like 2 hours from 3am – 5am I told her I was gonna come over but she said no because(she had work, which she did and it takes me about 40mins to get to her house) My phone died during this convo and I got a text on my computer saying to “CALL BACK” and “did you hang up on me” so I called back and by this time it was nearing 5 so she had to go. I told her id show her and that I loved her, but I don’t know friends, so she needed to let me know. She replied with “Its hard to believe at this point. i know you know that” I said “ya and I don’t blame you, don’t stress on it, it will come sooner are later, have a good day at work” Then 2 days go by of not hearing from her, and she text me on my phone with “hey” at this very moment with cell phone in had my mom ask “have you talked to your girl, and I said no……wait that her right here and we both laugh)Its weird because I was going to her house and got a flat on the way and had to call my mom to bring me a jack. Again, I don’t contact her after she attempts to contact me The next day (the 29th) I get 3 calls in a row from her at like 4am, again I don’t answer, then finally yesterday the 30th I get a text saying “You inspire me did you know” again I don’t reply. Its been like a week of nc on my part. Should I continue it? Are give her a call back and see what she has to say? From what she’s showing me I don’t know how to take it. Cause I wont be friends and she knows that, so what is it that shes trying to do? Last time it was like two weeks and she came back. Like I don’t know if I should give her, her space, are talk to her when she talks to me. I know I should be the one to be like look I messed up, but is that what shes looking for, and if so then how? now im an hr and half late for work because I decided to type this….o well.
Lovegod Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 Jesus Christ, I had to skip most of that! I'll tell you EXACTLY what's happening here. It all has to do with wanting what you can't have. When you cut off contact with her, she wants what she can't have. When she cuts off contact with you, you want what you can't have. It's a continuous chain reaction which one of you has to break. You can either wait forever for her to break the chain, or you can break it yourself by never having contact with her again.
Pink Amulet Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 I would read it- if it had paragraphs... "Guys, should I just dip?" ????? What does this mean exactly?
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