Maria33 Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 I've heard and read about this book and I wonder if it's worth buying. Has anybody read it, and did it help you? When I like someone and I want them to like me back, I almost make a pest out of myself. I know that with most guys you are suppose to let them chase you. But what about the shy ones? Don't they feel scared to ask girls out too? Don't some guys feel like we do, that maybe they aren't cute enough or smart enough? I'm STILL trying to figure out if this guy at work likes me or not. He still seems interested and he is kind of shy. He actually asked me what I was doing this weekend and I started to blush. I knew he was just making conversation but it made me blush anyway. He is so cute and I get kind of tongue tied around him. If I listen to the "book", I should not waste any more time wondering about him. But, because he is shy, it just makes me wonder if he's trying to get to know me better first. It is at work so the time we talk is very limited. When we do talk, the conversation flows pretty good. It feels like we would get along and I think a date with him would be fun. What should I do? Should I wait it out a little longer and see what happens? Or cut my loses now and keep looking elsewhere? I am recently separated so I'm not really in any rush to start seeing anyone. But, if the right guy came along, I would be glad to go out with him. I really have no recent experience with dating, so it all seems very confusing.
Buttaflyy Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 Haven't read it but it's a "Sex in the City" episode.
alfagrl Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 bought it and read it. The book tells it like it is from a guys perspective.
john1776 Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 I wish someone wrote a book "she's just not into you". I would take what you read in the "he's just not that into you" book with a grain of salt because each situation is unique. I mean I'm probably guilty of some of the stuff talked about in there and if my girlfriend got a hold of that book she would think I'm not into her when the fact is I really am into her. Some of the guys play hard to get and are afraid to let you know that he's really into you. That's a possibility. Another possibility is that he might be depressed or have medical problems. I would not base my decisions on a relationship off of some book somebody wrote because the author of that book is not God. That book generalizes way too much. You can't pin all men down this way by saying that "if he's really into you then he will do such and such." Because the bottom line is nobody knows about your boyfriend's interest level any better than you do.
john1776 Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 I've heard and read about this book and I wonder if it's worth buying. Has anybody read it, and did it help you? When I like someone and I want them to like me back, I almost make a pest out of myself. I know that with most guys you are suppose to let them chase you. But what about the shy ones? Don't they feel scared to ask girls out too? Don't some guys feel like we do, that maybe they aren't cute enough or smart enough? I'm STILL trying to figure out if this guy at work likes me or not. He still seems interested and he is kind of shy. He actually asked me what I was doing this weekend and I started to blush. I knew he was just making conversation but it made me blush anyway. He is so cute and I get kind of tongue tied around him. If I listen to the "book", I should not waste any more time wondering about him. But, because he is shy, it just makes me wonder if he's trying to get to know me better first. It is at work so the time we talk is very limited. When we do talk, the conversation flows pretty good. It feels like we would get along and I think a date with him would be fun. What should I do? Should I wait it out a little longer and see what happens? Or cut my loses now and keep looking elsewhere? I am recently separated so I'm not really in any rush to start seeing anyone. But, if the right guy came along, I would be glad to go out with him. I really have no recent experience with dating, so it all seems very confusing. This guy you are talking about may just be shy. I can tell you right now that I'm shy and we guys fear rejection from women just as much as they do if not more. That's why I said that you need to take what you read in that book with a grain of salt. If he does not appear that he's into you then it may just be because he's afraid of being turned down or maybe he's afraid that you are not into him. That's what I went through in the past. If I was single right now I would still be nervous about asking a girl out.
climbergirl Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 read the book...........I call BS. I agree with the above post that every situation is unique.
Tim'sAngel Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 That book generalizes way too much. You can't pin all men down this way by saying that "if he's really into you then he will do such and such." Because the bottom line is nobody knows about your boyfriend's interest level any better than you do. I would not be one to talk if I were you John. I've seen alot of generalization in your posts. You are potraying a double standard. I've read the book and loved it. Of course noone is the same, but it is good to be armed with the knowledge of how guys think in general, and then go based on that. There are always exceptions to every rule. I think the point the author was trying to make was not to let men string you along and keep you as a back up girl. If once the connection and mutual attraction is established, and he isn't keeping in contact, then you can pretty much guess that you are second or third on his plate. The only way you are going to know if this guy likes you is to ask. If you think he is that shy, why not ask him out? Ask him what hes doing for dinner or for the weekend and suggest going to see a movie or going out to dinner.
superconductor Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 I haven't read the book either, and I really have no plans to. But this quote from Tim'sAngel shows the difference level in expectations that people come to a relationship with: If once the connection and mutual attraction is established' date=' and he isn't keeping in contact, then you can pretty much guess that you are second or third on his plate.[/quote'] There are times in everyone's life when the romantic relationship is not the #1 priority. I'll even go so far as to say that most of the time, the romantic relationship is somewhere down the list. Between careers, children, finances, elderly parents and all the rest, the romantic relationship falls behind. That is as it should be. A romantic relationship should be the most hassle-free part of one's existence. When all else is going to hell in a handbasket, the last thing a person needs is a whining partner saying, "But you never have time for ME anymore!"
Tim'sAngel Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 IThere are times in everyone's life when the romantic relationship is not the #1 priority. I'll even go so far as to say that most of the time, the romantic relationship is somewhere down the list. Between careers, children, finances, elderly parents and all the rest, the romantic relationship falls behind. The book isn't talking about full blown relationships, it is talking about the beginning attractions. Maybe you should read it before taking my comment how you preceive it. You are talking about something completely different. And if you read the OP, then you will know they are not in a relationship. They haven't even went on a first date. That is as it should be. A romantic relationship should be the most hassle-free part of one's existence. When all else is going to hell in a handbasket, the last thing a person needs is a whining partner saying, "But you never have time for ME anymore!" On what planet? Every relationship has hassels and trials. There is no perfect relationship. They take very hard work from both parties. I've yet to see one where it is hassel free even compared to roughness of life around them.
Author Maria33 Posted July 2, 2006 Author Posted July 2, 2006 This guy you are talking about may just be shy. I can tell you right now that I'm shy and we guys fear rejection from women just as much as they do if not more. That's why I said that you need to take what you read in that book with a grain of salt. If he does not appear that he's into you then it may just be because he's afraid of being turned down or maybe he's afraid that you are not into him. That's what I went through in the past. If I was single right now I would still be nervous about asking a girl out. Thanks for the input. You're right too, not everyone is the same. This guy seems a little shy so I don't think he would be a picture perfect example of this book. He looks at me and talks to me but it's a little different than the way he acts with the younger girls. I don't know if it's because I'm a older or because he thinks of me differently than them. This stuff is SO confusing!! TimsAngel you're right, if I really want to know I need to put myself out there and ask him. It's just hard because I've never done that before. I keep thinking the vibe I get from him will be so clear that I will be able to ask him and know he'll say yes. I guess that's asking a little too much isn't it? I'm going to give it another couple of weeks I guess. Maybe it will become more clear then. We are getting more comfortable around each other and he's asking me more questions. It's weird because he will look at me from far on the other side of the room till we make eye contact, then I will wave and he'll wave back. He even seems to look for me if he hasn't seen me yet that morning. He'll come by my area and smile at me and say hi. But, then sometimes he almost seems afraid of me and I feel almost like I'm stalking him! Maybe that's because he is shy. Who knows? Thanks for all of the ideas, it really helps me to decide what I should do!
alfagrl Posted July 2, 2006 Posted July 2, 2006 The book is not meant to be read as law. And if you take everything to heart then its not meant for you either. It is a book of Generalization. Thats the point. The auther says in General if this happens it generally means that. Ex: If I guy you were dating stops calling you for a week straight and sees you on the street and waves, Guess what, HE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU. Their is nothing about the shy guy playing hard to get. or the guy who is afraid of rejection-that would be a whole other book.
stronggirl Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 That is as it should be. A romantic relationship should be the most hassle-free part of one's existence. When all else is going to hell in a handbasket, the last thing a person needs is a whining partner saying, "But you never have time for ME anymore!" I would have to disagree and say that that is a crockload of crap. Are you in a successful relationship? When was the last time you were?
stronggirl Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 The book is not meant to be read as law. And if you take everything to heart then its not meant for you either. It is a book of Generalization. Thats the point. The auther says in General if this happens it generally means that. Ex: If I guy you were dating stops calling you for a week straight and sees you on the street and waves, Guess what, HE'S NOT THAT INTO YOU. Their is nothing about the shy guy playing hard to get. or the guy who is afraid of rejection-that would be a whole other book. yeah, it's totally more of a "don't waste your time" type of essay on relationships...... it's really mostly just funny and empowering and makes you realize that you are th shizzy and don't let anyone string you along that doesn't see that.
MrPot Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 It's really the women that usually have the power in relationships in our culture. Men pick, women choose. The man decides who to put his dignity on the line for, and the woman decides who to let in. And about the guy at work, he must be interested if he asked what you were doing on the weekend. He's actually kind of spineless; he should have just plain told you that he wanted to take you out on the weekend. I say touch him and see how he responds to that.
Max Overclock Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 The book tells it like it is from a guys perspective. Not this guy's perspective, though Alfagrl
Tim'sAngel Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 Not this guy's perspective, though Alfagrl So your a guy whos read the book?
Author Maria33 Posted July 3, 2006 Author Posted July 3, 2006 It's really the women that usually have the power in relationships in our culture. Men pick, women choose. The man decides who to put his dignity on the line for, and the woman decides who to let in. And about the guy at work, he must be interested if he asked what you were doing on the weekend. He's actually kind of spineless; he should have just plain told you that he wanted to take you out on the weekend. I say touch him and see how he responds to that. As for the weekend, I knew he had family plans already. That's why I didn't take it really serious. But, he also asked me what I was doing for the Fourth too. As for the touching, I did that. He will usually touch me back pretty quickly. I read that in body language that this means they are interested. Once I touched him on the shoulder then he shook my hand. He is kind of a touchy feely kind of guy. We have exchanged touches several times though. Does this really mean he's interested? He doesn't flinch or anything, he will just look me in the eyes when I touch him. He stands really close to me when we're talking too, even if it's about work stuff. Okay this is weird, see if you can figure this one out. The other day I gave him a compliment, he took it and made a little joke, it went well. But, then he avoided me for the rest of the day. Did I embarrass him? Did I throw him off? Or am I just paying way too much attention to what he's doing and taking it personal? I'm going to see how it goes this week. Because of the holiday I won't see him until Wednesday.
precious99 Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 I bought and read the book (many times actually ) a few months ago. I thought it was a great read. It may not speak for every man or dictate how every man feels, acts, responds etc. but it is a fascinating look into one guy's mind - which can, if even just a little, help us girls to understand some of what is going on up there. And as another perk...it drives my BF crazy when he sees the book out and knows that I've been reading it again. I don't read it because I think something is wrong with my relationship (actally quite the opposite) some of the points prove to me when I am unsure that everything is right on track. My next purchase will be the sequel book "You break up because its broken."
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