MendedWing Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 I posted the other day that my husband had left his house key and I didn't know if he was making some grand guesture that he was not coming here anymore. Well, apparently it wasn't his house key...it was our spare that my daughter must have dragged out from somewhere. I've gone NC from WS for 3 days now and this morning he called me and informed me that he "may" be coming home soon. So, I asked why, what happened, and he said nothing had happened, but him and the OW were talking this morning and he told her that he misses us and that he is confused. That he wants to be with her, but needs to be with us. Not sure what that means. Anyway, he came over here on his lunch break and talked for a few minutes. She called of course and he was being as sweet as he could be on the phone to her, he says she is doing the same things I did when he initially left. Trying to make everything right for him and prove that he can be happy with her. He knows he is hurting both of us. So, he just left to go back to work, and he won't be coming home tonight, I know. I don't know how to think or feel, or even want to get my hopes up when he calls and says that to me, and then goes back to her tonight. She gets hours with him to say and do and manipulate him whichever way she wants, and I'm lucky to get a few minutes or even a phone call. I was strong though, no tears, no I love you's, no anger, no begging. I'm just going to continue with my NC and hope to God it makes a difference and makes him miss us so much that he can't live without us. Kristen
bab Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 She gets hours with him to say and do and manipulate him whichever way she wants, and I'm lucky to get a few minutes or even a phone call. I'm not going to offer advice about if you should take him back or not. But I wouldn't worry about the above. You've had years together, a family together, and a life together. A few hours a day isn't all that much.
Max Overclock Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 I suspect that he's one of those guys who just plain fell off the wagon, and now is realizing the impact, not only that he has had on the lives of those he loves, but on himself as well. God willing you will both be able to make it through this rough time, and settle back into each other's arms, together and stronger for what you've endured. I hope you both have enough forgiveness, love, and renewed committment to build a stronger future together. Max
Author MendedWing Posted July 1, 2006 Author Posted July 1, 2006 Thank you Max, that too is what I believe happened. I have NEVER had any reason not to trust him in the past. I'm just scared to death that his feelings for her are strong, and even if he does come back out of a sense of obligation, that it won't be because he loves me. If his heart is with her, then there isn't room in there for me. Even if he does come back, how do I even know if he did it for the right reasons, and how do we move beyond what happened. I can easily forgive EVERYTHING, if I knew he was where he wanted to be. But living here and loving her would still be the ultimate betrayal. Kristen
Max Overclock Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 If his heart is with her, then there isn't room in there for me. Even if he does come back, how do I even know if he did it for the right reasons, and how do we move beyond what happened ... {him} living here and loving her would still be the ultimate betrayal. Kristen Kristen, I think in this situation what you need to do is to really sit him down on the couch and tell him exactly what you've told us here. Be honest, but warm in the approach. Tell him how much you love him, but tell him that as his family, you not only need his physical presence, but his heart as well. If, in his heart, he's unsure if he can come back and know that he's where he truly wants to be, that it's best he doesn't return. If you decide that he truly has come around, then perhaps you both need some councilling together to work out the kinks. Please keep us updated. My hopes for a long future for you both go ahead of you. Max
silktricks Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 Kristen, I think in this situation what you need to do is to really sit him down on the couch and tell him exactly what you've told us here. Be honest, but warm in the approach. Tell him how much you love him, but tell him that as his family, you not only need his physical presence, but his heart as well. If, in his heart, he's unsure if he can come back and know that he's where he truly wants to be, that it's best he doesn't return. What absolutely perfect advice!!! Good luck!
Walking away Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 Please buy the book "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson.. You will be glad that you did. Trust me. Hugs and best of luck to you.... WA
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