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Posted

I am seriously struggling to cope and need some help.

 

Basically, My bf and I split up after 2 wonderful years together. Nothing major went wrong in the relationship, we never argued, cheated etc. I had the first bad patch of my life, where I let myself go and was out of work. I didnt realise at the time just how much an effect it had on me and my relationship. I became very moody and sulky and did some stupid things, but nothing so awful that it warrents a break up.

We took a break and this was a big slap round the face and I saw what I'd been doing etc. I spent the time to focus on me and turned everything around and was ready to make things up to him. However, he came back and said that he was scared that it would go bad again and that at the moment his strongest emotion was to keep our friendship.

 

I told him that I wasn't sure that I could be his friend, to which he looked really hurt by and told me that I must do it and can do it.He said that there was nothing to suggest that things wouldn't bloom between us again in the future. He said he felt awful doing this and went very quiet for the rest of the day. I often asked him what he was thinking about and he'd either say he was remembering our good times or thinking how much of a bast*rd he felt. He hugged me lots and even though I tried to stop he, he wouldn't let me go. He kissed my head and tried to comfort me. When we finally said goodbye, he said that I was one of the best things that's ever happened to him andhe wanted to see me in a couple of weeks. He also told me that i had to call him when I got home.

 

Since then I've cried non stop, I can't eat and over the 5 weeks have dropped a stone. I want to be happy but i can't handle this pain and hurt i'm feeling. It's just getting so much worse and I don't know what to do. I'm trying to be strong but I dont have the strength left, everything I do and everywhere I go it's hanging over me.I feel so alone. it's worse as I know that we could have moved forward and it would have been great but he saw it as too much of a risk. I feel we've thrown away something that was so special for both of us. I just want another chance.

 

I was weak and ended up emailing him 2 days after and asked him to serious consider the implications of his actions. I told him not to reply but just to think. We ended up having a few more emails between us about other things and have shared some phone messages too. I keep thinking if I vanished that he would miss me and maybe that would make him see sense or when we do meet up that I should be all positive and remind him of what he's missing. However, I'm sure none of that is a healthy way to be thinking.

 

I really can't handle this pain and none of my friends have been about to help me. It just keeps going round and round in my head. Any advice would be so appreicated.

 

Thanks.

Posted

If what you're eating is making you sick, quit eating it!

 

In other words, cut ALL contact with him. Quit worrying about how he's reacting and worry about yourself. You're the most important person in your life, not him. He'll find his own way to deal with you moving on with your life. For now, quit having ANY contact with him and keep yourself busy.

 

The cuts won't heal if you keep picking at the scabs!

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Posted

Thanks.

 

I will try my best to do that, it will take everything I have though. I guess like everyone else that goes through this I want to find a way out of the pain, but you can't do it. I really want to speak to him or to do something to get him back, but I have to keep remembering that he doesn't deserve me and the fact that he wasn't capable of giving our relationship another chance must show that he's not worth the time. I just have to believe that.

 

Part of me will hope that my silence will hurt him in some way. I don't want to sound horrible but I hope it makes him realise what he's lost. However, as is the nature of life, that won't happen.

 

I saw some mates today for the first time in a week and that was nice. What's annoying is the realisation that even going out and keeping busy you still carry around the hurt and pain with you.

 

I know that tomorrow and tuesday will be slightly easier as he's working and that means he's in one place all day long (he works 12 hour shifts) Wednesday and thursday will be harder as he'll be off and that would be time I'd usually see him and then the weekend will be ok as he's working again.

 

Sorry to ramble on but it helps to get these thoughts out somewhere and as I live on my own I don't have anyone to unload this on.

 

I just wish i knew what the right thing is to do, as i've realised, all your actions have a knock on effect. I hope i pick the right one.

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