luvtoto Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Lots of times, a person's poor self-esteem keeps them IN relationships. But, for some of you, does your poor self-esteem keep you OUT of relationships? Do you shy away from meeting anyone simply because you just feel too un-love-able? Most people want to be in relationship to feel better about themselves. I seem to be on the opposite side of that way of thinking. I just want to know if anyone else has ever felt this way...or is it just me. Don't need a pep-talk or an "it's ok"... Just wantin' to know if I am weird or normal.
Lovegod Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Just wantin' to know if I am weird or normal. Ah, you're friggin' weird, but you're still loveable Do you shy away from meeting anyone simply because you just feel too un-love-able? I'm not sure about women, but I know this to be the reason why men normally don't approach. They're too worried that the woman is going to think he's ugly, weird, stupid, dorky, unworthy, etc, etc, etc.
johan Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 My self-esteem keeps me out of relationships for sure. I don't meet women because I just figure they'd rather be with someone else.
Author luvtoto Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 I'm not sure about women, but I know this to be the reason why men normally don't approach. They're too worried that the woman is going to think he's ugly, weird, stupid, dorky, unworthy, etc, etc, etc. Thanks, Lovegod. Uh, doesn't sound like you are suffering from any low self- esteem issues.
Author luvtoto Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 My self-esteem keeps me out of relationships for sure. I don't meet women because I just figure they'd rather be with someone else. EXACTLY! I feel the same way, Johan.
johan Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I used to really believe that I was just as good as any other guy. Strangely enough, that was while I was with my difficult ex. But not lately. Self-esteem shot.
Author luvtoto Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 But not lately. Self-esteem shot. Me, too. My self-esteem is so shot that I don't even post on LS that much anymore. I start to write...then figure 'ah, someone else with explain it way better than I could anyways'. Usually is the case.
mattea Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 i think low self-esteem has done both - kept me in bad relationships and made me want to run from a good relationship (for fear of being left for someone "better"). i don't usually shy away from relationship to start with, because when i'm on my own i feel ok about myself most of the time. but when i get in a relationship and start developing feelings for someone, i start having thoughts like - "he'd be better off with someone more creative/fun/easy-going/outgoing/brainy/well-read/spotaneous/self-assured or less "sensitive, moody, uptight, confused"... you get the idea.
Author luvtoto Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 when i'm on my own i feel ok about myself most of the time. but when i get in a relationship and start developing feelings for someone, i start having thoughts like - "he'd be better off with someone more creative/fun/easy-going/outgoing/brainy/well-read/spotaneous/self-assured or less "sensitive, moody, uptight, confused"... you get the idea. That's pretty much how I feel in a nutshell. I am not happy being alone...just feel safer and a bit more comfortable.
magichands Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Me, too. My self-esteem is so shot that I don't even post on LS that much anymore. I start to write...then figure 'ah, someone else with explain it way better than I could anyways'. Usually is the case. I take your point, but can it really get any worse? If you avoid doing things because it will "reinforce" your poor self-image... Maybe it can, didn't think of that. Oh. So what's my point? I still think that love is full of intangibles. Even with a self-image that has sunk down as low as shark poo - would you really go out with ANYONE? I would think not. You might as well be thinking positively, just try to enjoy every moment of your life, and - basically - give yourself the benefit of any doubt. Because if you don't, then you have flushed hope down the U-bend. Put on a happy face, and you never quite know what is around the corner.
Author luvtoto Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 Because if you don't, then you have flushed hope down the U-bend. Put on a happy face, and you never quite know what is around the corner. I am not some down-and-out person. I am always smiling and joking in public. At home tonight, I am going to work in my yard alone. Later, I will go to a movie, alone. Tomorrow morning, I will go garage sale-ing, alone. Come home, clean my house, alone. Sunday night, will go watch the Firework display in our town, alone. My whole damn life has been spent alone. (My kids are always with their friends. I have encouraged them to be that way...cause, no one wants to live a life alone. It makes me happy when they have lots of friends.) I just have some deep issues that I seem to be ignoring and not wanting to face. Trying to get to the root of the problem. I just can't understand why I am such a freakin' loner.
magichands Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 I am not some down-and-out person. I am always smiling and joking in public. I guess it's just me then. When I'm on LS, I feel a little less alone. How sad is that.
Yamaha Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 I just have some deep issues that I seem to be ignoring and not wanting to face. Trying to get to the root of the problem. I just can't understand why I am such a freakin' loner. You sound depressed. When you seek solitude because you feel others wouldn't really care if your around or not then you have a problem. Your self esteem is shot. To much aloneness will give you a social phobia. You need to quit looking for someone to have a relationship with and just learn to be you. You will find that when you open up to others they will open up to you. Set goals for your social life. When you go out speak to someone you come in contact with and the more you do this the less of a social phobic you will be. Quit worrying about what others think of you and they will start to wonder about your positive attitude.
Author luvtoto Posted July 1, 2006 Author Posted July 1, 2006 Your self esteem is shot. To much aloneness will give you a social phobia. Yea, I would say that. I don't know about being depressed though. Tonight I spent 4 hours out planting and landscaping my yard. I enjoy my company. I am a hard-worker. Just getting way too used to being so alone. It almost feels more normal to be alone, than to be around people. At my son's baseball games, I usually sit way on the end by myself. I am just getting used to that. Most all my relationships have ended in my life. Including one's with my family. I've just given up on it all.
Author luvtoto Posted July 1, 2006 Author Posted July 1, 2006 When I'm on LS, I feel a little less alone. How sad is that. Me, too.
Outcast Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 Here's a thought; rather than second-guessing people and making up their minds for them, why not let them make up their own minds about what they think of you? If you approach people like a whipped puppy expecting to be whipped again, of course you won't seem attractive. But half the time the people you're scared of are just as scared as you so it's not realistic at all to think they somehow have power over you.
Pantero Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 Just wantin' to know if I am weird or normal. Everybody's weird... But to answer your question, I think a person's sense of self and self-esteem is the end all be all - relationships aside. There needs to be a balance, but there's no point in life none of us will stop growing... ...or stop self-destructing.
magichands Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 Here's a thought; rather than second-guessing people and making up their minds for them, why not let them make up their own minds about what they think of you? As in, "Excuse me... do you think I'm a desperate loser?" Just kidding - I love your thought!!!!
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