luckystarr1182 Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I've been with my bf for a year. We are 23 and 27, respectively. We have completed our educations and are doing good financially. We have been living together since Christmas / New Year's and we're totally happy with each other. We are ready to get married and he even suggested a date that I love, so we've pretty much decided on that. We're moving into a great new apartment in early August and taking some really nice vacations together this summer. So basically there's only one thing missing-- THE RING ITSELF. The problem is that he went to college the first time around and decided he hated his career of choice so he went back to school to be a teacher. Now that he has his certification, there are no jobs. I mean NONE in the entire state practically, and when jobs do open, it's not what you know but who. He has some money saved up but it's not really enough to do anything with. So I'm playing the waiting game to see if he gets hired, so on and so forth. He is teaching summer school currently. I'm going nuts because I have my heart set on the date we have chosen, but I can't accomplish ANYTHING in the way of planning until I have a ring. I mean, I guess I could start scheduling appointments and whatever, but I would feel so dumb without a ring. Sometimes people even see me reading bridal magazines and say, "but where is your ring if you're getting married?" I feel utterly stupid. I have put together a notebook with his help of all the things I want for our wedding and ideas that I have so when he does propose, I have a head start and I'm not starting from scratch. I guess my fear is that by the time he gets everything straightened out, saves more, gets the ring, proposes, etc, my date will be snatched up by someone else. There are a LOT of young people in this area being that there are two major universities here and all my married/ engaged friends detail horror stories of losing their dates or not getting stuff done in time. We can't really delay the marriage much longer because of health insurance purposes... we hope to leave the state eventually (especially if he can't find a job here) but we can't unless we're married (once again, insurance.) Plus we plain don't want to delay it-- we are crazy about each other. Should I plan without the ring and just do it? Or should I wait and jeopardize the date I'll die without? Should I be open to other dates when I know what I truly want? I'm stressing myself out and going nuts over this whole thing. I've been dreaming about this since I was 5 years old and I'm terrified it will all fall apart... now something that is supposed to be so special is a source of never ending stress. I just wish we wouldn't have put the cart before the horse and he would have just suprised me. Ugh.
quankanne Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 in the larger scheme of things, the ring isn't as important as the being married part, especially if everything else falls into place whether you've got said ring or not. Would you consider a simple but tasteful band that can either be traded up later or worn on the other hand when you do locate the ring you really and truly want to wear as your wedding band? when we eloped, I didn't want to do it without a gold band even when DH told me I could wear his, then take my time finding what I wanted. So, away to walMart we went and i picked out a simple band that would do. Fast forward a year, when he arrives home from an overseas job in time for our first wedding anniversary with a puzzle ring that I'd been bugging him for for ages. Guess what? That's my "wedding band" now, simply because I like the unique look of it and it's definitely a conversation starter when i take it off to collapse it! The other ring is in my mother's jewelry box back home, available to whoever needs it. On the one hand, what I did was wasteful, getting that WalMart ring, but on the other, I've wear the ring I really like. sorry to hear that your honey is having problems finding work in a teaching field. A friend of mine immediately signed on as a substitute teacher in a neighboring school district with the though that he could build up experience teaching while getting his foot in the back door. Has your guy considered that? Also, my niece by marriage got her teaching degree several years back and told me that she marked "bilingual" on all her applications even though she really doesn't know Spanish, but she was told that bilingual candidates held more promise in the district she was going to work in.
Author luckystarr1182 Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 He has been substitute teaching for the past 3 years. His mother and aunt are also teachers in the area. He graduated magna cum laude and has stellar recommendations from professors, other teachers, and principals. WHAT GIVES?!?! In any case, that's a good idea to get a "just for now" ring. I could always make a necklace of it later. I just don't think that would fly with him. He keeps saying, "I could go out and buy you a ring today, but that's not the ring you would deserve so I want to save so you can have a ring that is worthy of you." Very sweet indeed, but therein lies the rub.
quankanne Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 if you're planning to have kids, maybe you can pass it down to your first born when he or she is old enough to marry? That way it could be a kind of heirloom item for your child. My sister, who'd been married before, kept her jewelry from her first marriage and when her two kids got older, gave my niece her dad's engagement ring to my sis, and my nephew got pick of other jewelry to share with his wife. So everyone ended up happy, because the kids had keepsakes from their parents' marriage even though it didn't last a whole long time. I know it sounds like a waste of money, but it might make your guy happy knowing that it's something for your kids' future? I feel for y'all on his job wait – I can't imagine why they're not snapping him up, most especially because there seems to be a high demand for male teachers who serve as rolemodels for students. One of the priests told me that even up to the point where he was ordained, he was still getting calls from school districts asking if he'd reconsider returning to his teaching career even though he was sure he wanted to be a priest! Not sure if it was solely because he was a male teacher or because of his field (math), though. Tell him I'm praying for him on the job thing – this must be frustrating as all get out.
Becoming Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Lucky, you don't need a ring to be engaged. Diamonds mined from S. Africa (which is where most come from) contributed to apartheid there, so you could tell folks you've decided not to get an engagement ring for political reasons--there are enough economic slaves to our American pleasures on the planet, thank you very much! My parents had no ring when they married--other than plain cheap bands. On one of their anniversaries I can remember my father bought Mom a hulking big ring that totally surprised her. She loves that ring though they're now divorced. Go alternative! Your love sounds unique so why do everything the way everyone else does? If he's really asked you to marry him and set a date, don't let a silly thing like a ring stop you. It sounds like you may have all these expectations about how it's "supposed" to be that maybe you still want? . . . ???
scrybe74 Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I've been with my bf for a year. We are 23 and 27, respectively. We have completed our educations and are doing good financially. We have been living together since Christmas / New Year's and we're totally happy with each other. We are ready to get married and he even suggested a date that I love, so we've pretty much decided on that. We're moving into a great new apartment in early August and taking some really nice vacations together this summer. So basically there's only one thing missing-- THE RING ITSELF. The problem is that he went to college the first time around and decided he hated his career of choice so he went back to school to be a teacher. Now that he has his certification, there are no jobs. I mean NONE in the entire state practically, and when jobs do open, it's not what you know but who. He has some money saved up but it's not really enough to do anything with. So I'm playing the waiting game to see if he gets hired, so on and so forth. He is teaching summer school currently. I'm going nuts because I have my heart set on the date we have chosen, but I can't accomplish ANYTHING in the way of planning until I have a ring. I mean, I guess I could start scheduling appointments and whatever, but I would feel so dumb without a ring. Sometimes people even see me reading bridal magazines and say, "but where is your ring if you're getting married?" I feel utterly stupid. I have put together a notebook with his help of all the things I want for our wedding and ideas that I have so when he does propose, I have a head start and I'm not starting from scratch. I guess my fear is that by the time he gets everything straightened out, saves more, gets the ring, proposes, etc, my date will be snatched up by someone else. There are a LOT of young people in this area being that there are two major universities here and all my married/ engaged friends detail horror stories of losing their dates or not getting stuff done in time. We can't really delay the marriage much longer because of health insurance purposes... we hope to leave the state eventually (especially if he can't find a job here) but we can't unless we're married (once again, insurance.) Plus we plain don't want to delay it-- we are crazy about each other. Should I plan without the ring and just do it? Or should I wait and jeopardize the date I'll die without? Should I be open to other dates when I know what I truly want? I'm stressing myself out and going nuts over this whole thing. I've been dreaming about this since I was 5 years old and I'm terrified it will all fall apart... now something that is supposed to be so special is a source of never ending stress. I just wish we wouldn't have put the cart before the horse and he would have just suprised me. Ugh. I feel you don't mean to but you are making the wedding ceremony far more important than in needs to be. In fact it sounds like it's more important than the marriage to you. I personally think tht this is a major problem in this country (USA). People put so much energy and money into one day and the lifetime of relationship following is a distant third. I have some simple advice because judging by what you wrote you seem to really love him and I'm going to assume that the ceremony really isn't more important than your relationship. Why not have a simple marriage by the justice of the peace (elope) so that you are technically married and you resolve the health insurance issues. In fact...get legally married on that date. Then exactly one year later have the official ceremony for your friends and family. Or.....get elope on the day you want and have the wedding ceremony a few months later or on some other date. As far as the ring.....when I first got married I scraped together a measley $400 to by a ring (half of which I borrowed) and she was more than happy with it. She wore everyday until we separated/divorced
sugarplum Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 This is an excellent idea, considered it once myself.
Author luckystarr1182 Posted July 1, 2006 Author Posted July 1, 2006 Thanks for the prayers quankanne, it means a lot. If all else fails maybe we'll come to Texas ... haha. I hate snow anyways. I appreciate everyone's suggestions and thoughts. Scrybe, your comments have given me a sense of reality about the whole thing. I am taking the focus away from the fact that it's a celebration of our love and placing it on things like a reception hall and catering. It really shouldn't be about that so much as the fact that we've decided to spend our lives together. I think that eloping/ justice of the peace would be out of the question because our families (Irish and Italian respectively) are very devout Catholics and having a "ceremony" later when we're actually already married wouldn't be very special to me. I can hold out until my date for the insurance thing but not much longer after that. However, what I can tell you is that my relationship to him is way more important than the day itself and we spend a lot of time building and nurturing what we have together. I have a lot of friends who are running off and getting married because they want a wedding and not a marriage. And I agree that it is a HUGE problem in this country. blah..... In any case, I found a couple of business cards from jewelers including one from Tiffany's (egads!) in his pants pocket while doing laundry, so maybe we're not that far off after all. Thanks everyone, I'll keep you posted.
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