PandorasBox Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 This is a spin off from Pinks, thread about deal breakers in relationships. I decided to start my own thread about my friends situation for I didn't want to get off the topic to much in the other thread. I was talking about a friend of mine in that thread and how people will say what their deal breaker may be to get out of a situation, but how that might not always be the case until you're in that situation. Anyway she is in an abusive situation and has been for about 9 years now. I have been friends with her for almost 13 years. I understand people have reasons for staying, and I'm not judging her for them but I am greatly concerned for her and the safety of their child. I have listened to her over the years, vent, cry yell and be angry over her situation. Its what friends do. I have often given her my advice when she has asked for it, I do think my advice to her rings true for her, but maybe not enough for her to get out. I know I can not make her leave, and the she has to be the one to do so. I just hate seeing it. This is speculation really, but I think I know some of the reasons why she stays. For the child She doesn't work He supports her finacially She feels she has food on the table, a roof over her head, clothes on her back. Her self esteem is low She feels she might not be able to find someone else. Or maybe she feels she could get into a situation far worse than whats shes in. She hopes he will change She feels that just becasue he is not slamming her up against a wall, or beating the living s*** out of her, that maybe her situation is not that bad. For some reason this last thing I posted stands out to me the most. I'm not sure why. Becasue she herself has even said that she knows he abuses her. No he might not beat the crap out of her, but he has hit her, slapped her, pushed her, put brusies on her or marks by throwing things art her. He calls her stupid. Tells her she is a f*cking idiot. He says she is crazy. Calls her names infront of the child. Tells her she is jealous of him. The list goes on. Tells her and the child they are getting on his f*cking nerves. I guess I am bothered by the last thing on the list becasue she has possibly convinced herself things are not really that bad. Not sure if thats the case or not, but if so that might be the scariest thing of all, don't you think? I will continue to here for her. But I have talked to her till I am blue in the face. I know the decison has to be hers on what to do, but this has been happening for so long, and I don't mean to sound negative, but right now I don't see anything changing.
climbergirl Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I wish I could say or advise something that would make you feel less helpless in your friends situation.....,but-as you've seen-talking won't do any good. Something will have to happen in her family unit for her to decide to leave-and like I mentioned in Pink's thread-it's worrisome on what the breaking point will be. The below points are unfortunately what will happen (more than likely) for things to change. For her-he does something extreme (physically) for her to leave. For him-he does something extreme for him to realize he needs to change. The only suggestions I can make is try pointing out to her that her husband is setting a bad example for their child on how a wife/HUMAN BEING should be treated. The other suggestion is to send her links on abuse-those links don't know her from adam and maybe an objective view of signs of an abusive relationship will open up her eyes. Best of luck and I admire your support of your friend.
Author PandorasBox Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 Thanks climber, I appreciate that.
JackJack Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 You sound like a good friend, unfortunatly all you can really do is what you are doing now, and thats to continue to be there for her. It takes some people awhile to get the message that they are not in a good situation or a tradegy to happen before they are able to remove themselves. Thats the sad part about it too. Because sometimes its to late and something really bad may have happened.
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