gemmab2020 Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 My guy (the one I have broke my heart over in previous posts), well we have been dating for 6mths now and I still havent met his parents! or any of his friends either. Anyway... his family live about an hour away but they come up quite often. He has moved into a new flat recently and his mum and brother are calling up on Sunday morning to see his new place. He had invited me to stay on Saturday night but now he has told me no because they are coming up on Sunday morning. Why am I always puched to one side when his family are around? I near enough feel as if he doesn;t want them to meet me. Is this normal???? It doesn't feel right to me. I think I should be on first name terms with his mum by now. I just don;t know what to do about this. I have explained to him before that it makes me feel as if I'm not as important in his life as he makes out. He went away to his parents over Easter and didn't invite me either. Told me also the other day that he was going to Prague next year for his friends wedding!!!! I got a little confused at the fact that he didn't seem to want me to be there. Really not too sure what to make of this and need some help...
bab Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I haven't read any of your other posts, but it sound like he doesn't take your relationship very seriously. Ask him what he sees in the future for the two of you. Maybe he just didn't want you to spend the night because he didn't want to throw it into his mom's face that the two of you were sleeping together. My mom knew that my now husband and I were living together before we got married, but she never stayed at our house until after we were married. One of those: We'll just pretend that you are still virginal things.
Walk Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I'm not so sure I'd expect to met the parents and family until after 6 months. That was always the time line I had for appropriateness of introducing my bf to my family. Nothing less than 6 months. Figured if he was still around after the honeymoon period wore off then chances are we'd be together for quite a while. My parents get really attached, so it saddens them when i break up with the guy. Maybe you're pushing a little too hard, and that's why he's pushing back now? I'm not saying I'm correct in this, just a hypothesis. He might be over reacting some because he feels pressured. So his no's are becoming more inflexible. If I were you, I'd back off completely from asking. I'd go so far as to let him know that you made fun plans for yourself so that when they come over he could have a great time with his family WITHOUT you. And every time he mentioned his family, I'd let him know I could have something fun and exciting lined up for that day too.. hmm.. maybe don't go that far. Just tell him to have fun with the family and that you'll find your own fun and not to worry about you. Leave it at that. Take the pressure off him in feeling guilty (if he does) about not including you, and also that he won't feel forced into introducing you before he's comfortable. Then just bring it up occasionally. Occasionally being the key word. Worded in terms of support like, "I'd really like to meet the family that produced such a great son. How do you feel about it?" Or be more subtle... if he's talking about his mom say "She sounds like a wonderful person, I'd like to meet her someday." Can I ask you a question though... Cause I'm kind of having the same internal debate right now... Would not meeting his family be a deal breaker for you? And how long will you give him to introduce you?
jerbear Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Have you bought it up to him about meeting the parents? He seems unsure of the relationship just yet so no meeting the parents. As a guy I do not feel comfortable bringing anyone home to meet the parents, just uncomfortable. If I am unsure I will turn down meeting her parents. Meeting friends I can understand at 6 months. Best friends or close friends. Have any of you two gone to parties or functions together?
precious99 Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I know exactly what your feeling gemmab....I have been with my bf for going on 7 months now and I only recently met his family and friends. Meeting his family was a breeze and as much as I thought he had been the one who would be nervous and apprehensive - it was me!! He was calm and cool and stood prodly by my side. I think for guys (and of course us girls too) meeting the family is a big step. I was worried when I hadn't met them that he wasn't taking our relationship seriously or maybe was even embarrassed of me. But in truth I think we over analyze things sometimes . Let your guy come to you when he is ready....it is you meeting his family - let him be ready for it on his own terms. I'm glad that I waited and didn't push too much because that first meeting is important for all of you - wouldn't you rather he be comfortable and ready?? Good luck and try to just take it one day at a time.....be happy!!
blind_otter Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I don't introduce people to my family unless I've been with them at least a YEAR. I want to be sure it will be a LTR before I introduce them. Maybe he's not sure yet, but that doesn't mean he won't be. Some people take longer to know whether they are serious about someone, which , IME isn't a bad thing at all.
ashnicole Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I met my boyfriends family after about... 6-8 weeks. I love them. Except his aunt and her husband... I met them after about... four days of us being "serious." Different strokes for different folks.
Author gemmab2020 Posted July 1, 2006 Author Posted July 1, 2006 Thanks very much for all your words of widsom. I think PMS had something to do with me being so upset about the matter too! I don't think it would a be a deal breaker for me... well to be honest I don't know if it would be a deal breacker for me... depends on how long it went on for. I am feeling a little better now though. Maybe I am over-reacting slightly. I know he cares for me, I don't doubt that so maybe I just have to sit back and give him a little time.
john1776 Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 I've been dating my girlfriend for 3.5 years and I still have not introduced her to my parents. I don't really see what the big deal is. It's not a measure of my certainity of the relationship. I am very certain about her. I think it would be stupid if you made this issue a deal breaker when you could be throwing away a wonderful relationship. What if you never meet someone as good as he was? I just have personal reasons between me and my mom for not introducing her to them. It's not my fault. Now I met her parents on the first date. After 3 or 4 months they grew to like me and they think I'm a good man for their daughter. Her dad is putting a little pressure on me to marry her. But she's dating me she's not dating my parents. Who knows? I might not ever tell my parents when I marry her. Because I'm an adult I have no obligation to get my parents involved in my love life. Actually I would be lucky to be in your position because not meeting the parents takes alot of pressure off of me.
vi_pn_babe25 Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 I don't introduce people to my family unless I've been with them at least a YEAR. I want to be sure it will be a LTR before I introduce them. Maybe he's not sure yet, but that doesn't mean he won't be. Some people take longer to know whether they are serious about someone, which , IME isn't a bad thing at all. I agree with blind_otter. After a year you'll be more secure about the relationship therefore comfortable enough to meet the parents. I think 6 weeks is too early, because what if it doesn't work out...you don't want to confuse your parents with too many people! I think 3.5 years is too long, because your parents are going to start to wonder what's going on. Some parents might think it's disrespectful too. And I think you can learn alot about the person when you meet their parents. This is just my opinion, other people are different and have their reasons. So do whatever makes you comfortable
ashnicole Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 I agree with blind_otter. After a year you'll be more secure about the relationship therefore comfortable enough to meet the parents. I think 6 weeks is too early, because what if it doesn't work out...you don't want to confuse your parents with too many people! I think 3.5 years is too long, because your parents are going to start to wonder what's going on. Some parents might think it's disrespectful too. And I think you can learn alot about the person when you meet their parents. This is just my opinion, other people are different and have their reasons. So do whatever makes you comfortable I think it should be left up to the people that are dating as to when they meet the parents. For me, 6-7 weeks wasn't too early. I was basically living with him already, so meeting the family didn't bother me at all... I had already met his Aunt, her husband, his two cousins, and their whole families... so I was about ready to see what the rest of him was about anyway. I enjoyed it, I had a really good time, and I think they are wonderful people. It worked out just fine. Didn't scare me off, but me and his sister got along really well... so I think that made him a little more comfortable as well.
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