MendedWing Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Two days ago my husband told me to stay strong and not give up on him...and to let him see if he was making the best choice for him, or the biggest mistake of his life by leaving for this other woman. I told him that I would be as patient as I could be for as long as I could be, but also insisted that he told me the minute he knew that he was done with me so I wouldn't hold out longer than I needed to. So, today, as he often does, he came over to the house while I was at work. He lounged around in his lazy boy, opened the mail that had been piling up, cleaned out his email inbox, but when he left....he took his copy of the house key off his key ring and left it on my table. I can't call him and ask if this was his final departure from me, because I'm trying to do the minimal contact to stop acting so desperate. So, what is your take on his meaning behind it. Maybe I'm reading into it too much and his new girlfriend told him that she doesn't want him coming over anymore, or maybe that was his grand guesture to say we are through and this is no longer his home. If that's the case, wouldn't he have taken as much of his belongings with him as he could? I don't notice that anything is missing, so I'm just arguing with myself in my head over it, and making myself crazy. I WILL NOT CALL, I WILL NOT TXT MESSAGE, I WILL NOT INITIATE THE CONTACT...but, hell...I want to know so badly. Apparently he called his grandmother too while he was here and asked her if he could borrow some money. He's been living off of his credit card since he left, but they have been looking for apartments together, so my worst fear is they have found a place, but he just needs to come up with the deposit and rent. Thank GOD she told him no. I promised myself that if they got an apartment together that would be the end of my patience and waiting, but now I'm so devastated that my plan is backfiring and NOTHING I have done or can do is making a difference. I've never been so scared and hurt in my entire life. Sorry, I just really needed to vent tonight. Kristen
theantibarbie23 Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 It sounds to me in a cowardly way he is trying to end things with you. Go get a legal seperation or file for divorce asap. You need to protect yourself, your kids, and your assets. As much as you might like to think that he is going to be there for your kids, or help pay the on the household expenses, remember that your husband is being a fundimentally selfish person right now. You are going to need legal help to make sure he doesn't just decide he doesn't want to give you a dime anymore. Plus this might help him see exactly how much he stands to lose financally. If he is living off of his credit cards, he might get desperate enough to start emptying out your joint bank accounts. Put money away in a bank account that is in your name only. He left his key and that is letting you know it's no longer his home. Get his crap out of there, pronto. Send him an e-mail that he needs to collect his things and have them packed, outside, waiting for him when he gets there. No longer invite him in. Find a neutral location to have visitation. Continue on with NC to help you to heal. Don't tell him that you will be filing for anything ethier. Let reality blindside him. I am so sorry he is doing this to you.
stillafool Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now. I can only imagine your hurt. I too think he left the key to let you know he no longer lives there. How dare he ask you to be patient until he decides if he wants the OW or not. F)*&k Him! Definitely get his stuff out as soon as possible and start proceedings. I know you are scared and hurt right now but hopefully soon you will go into the anger stage and really see how you are being treated. Not that you should be bitter. You are a very pretty lady and I'm sure you will get someone who better deserves you. This is usually what happens when you've been treated this way. BTW, doesn't the OW have some money she can give him? I can't imagine what kind of life they are going to have being so broke. Definitely protect your credit cards and bank accounts now. Do you mind my asking the age of your husband, you and the OW. That will tell me more about his financial position. Good luck sweetie.
Author MendedWing Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 That's exactly what I was afraid of...damn it. My husband has NEVER been reliable in the financial department. The longest he has ever held a job is 1 year, and then he will have periods of unemployment for like 4-6 months in between, where he will just do odd jobs for friends and what not to scrap up a few extra dollars. If this OW is looking for a provider, she is so in for a rude awakening. If she thinks she's found the man that is going to be the world's greatest emotional support, another rude awakening. To be honest he has pretty much been a terrible husband and father the whole way through, minus the part that I was so completely head over heels in love anyway. But I blame that on my insecurities and him being my first major love and the father of my children. I know I can do way better than him, there's just the part of me that doesn't want to because it is so much hard work and time to start over again and leave that comfort zone. Kristen
sugarplum Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 When I divorced my first husband I was a coomplete wreck. Once I realized that I missed having someone around, but I didn't really miss "him" - I realized my pain was more related to "change" and the fear of it than to ending the relationship. This really helped me to put him out of my mind and heart and thinking about me and my kids. Then it started to feel good to do things for me, and do things I wanted, instead of always making every decision based on someone I could never please anyway. You will soon be able to look back and be relieved you are away from someone who could do this to you. Meanwhile your ex will look back one day and see what an idiot he had been. Your story breaks my heart.
jerbear Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Sorry to hear about your issue. From your avatar, you are attractive and young. Take this as a learning experience. Leaving the key is the one of the final action items. Sounds like he made his decision and his actions were his final parting shot. The OW and being financially dependent are just really non-issues. Some women like financially dependent men. Yes, leaving one's comfort zone is hard. Everyone has a comfort zone and some hate change. The decision was put on you if you like it or not. You are vulnerable and even subject to seek anothers affections. I would suggest getting legal seperation and divorce, including seperating financials if possible. Stop the direct deposits to joint accounts for instance.
whichwayisup Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Actions speak louder than words, his actions are speaking...Very loudly. But I blame that on my insecurities and him being my first major love and the father of my children. I know I can do way better than him, there's just the part of me that doesn't want to because it is so much hard work and time to start over again and leave that comfort zone. I know you're scared to start over, to give up all that you know and are comfortable with - But you can do this! Not only for you, but for your kids. You have the insight to know that he may not be the right person for you, you've said it in your posts. If you need help, don't be afraid to go talk to a therapist to help you cope. Rely on family and friends to help you as well.
Recommended Posts