Last Mohegan Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 This is a question for BS's who are currently working to restore their marriages after catching their SO in an EA/PA... What was the first wedding anniversary after discovering the betrayal like? Did you acknowledge the anniversary? Ignore it? Did the WS do something "over the top" to make an attempt at restoration and redemption? Did you have a sense of strength in having weathered the storm? Were your feelings all over the map? I imagine it will be different for everyone depending on the reconciliation, number of months since discovery, etc. Thanks for the feedback.
silktricks Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 My husband made reservations at a very nice hotel by the water, took me to a wonderful dinner and the symphony. Late that night we went for a moonlight walk by the water. My emotions were pretty much everywhere, but I was still so happy to be with him. We are now (well, tomorrow) celebrating our 2nd post D-Day anniversary. I love him more than ever.
Blind Illusion Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I am not speaking from experience;rather just throwing out a suggestion, What if you spend the day (or days) doing something so new and different that doesn't have any prior basis in your marriage. A wine tasting at local vineyards, a long weekend getaway to an island, a gambling overnighter, a cruise to nowhere, etc. The point is, for it to be new and different. Opposed to going to both of your favorite romantic restaurant, where thoughts might be along the lines of, "The last time I was here, I didn't know about the affair" The point of this is not to erase your history...you will reclaim it once you feel stronger. What better way to commemorate an anniversary by making totally new (and even slightly outrageous ) memories together.
LeeAnn26 Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Hi There, So glad I spotted this post, as i am sort of battling with a similar issue. My 2nd anniversary is coming up, and it has been 2 months since I found out about my H's EA. Wedding anniversary coming up on Sunday and I am in two minds about it, dont feel like I have much to celebrate at all. We are supposed to be "working hard" at saving our marriage. My H has got a sex-addiction type problem - went through a traumatic time in his past which made him withdraw and distrust people in general, even though he is outgoing and hides it well. He uses porn and internet dating as escape mechanism, which I can understand to some extent but not accept as a way of life (for me), he needs to deal with the background issues once and for all and put it behind him! All that bothered me, but what i couldnt deal with was when he actually met some woman from a dating-service and "pretended" to not be married - in other words his problem is escalating to "live " meetings now. When i found out he promised he would stop, that he wants to be with me, and I do believe that he loves me. According to all the literature we could find on fantasy and sex addiction, he has to now "abstain" from Porn etc (sort of NC) - but I found out last night that he has been downloading "glamour model pictures" - though not his usual hardcore porn, still, just one step away? I feel rather betrayed, and wonder if he will ever change? My other problem is that we really just cant afford counselling.... So now what about Sunday???
GuySimple Posted July 3, 2006 Posted July 3, 2006 A message from the dark side. As someone who had an affair...our anniversary was just over a month after I returned home. We went on a great adventure on the train to a very romantic city. It was a total surprise to me and probably the best holiday experience to date. In hindsight I would have rather had spent the 5 days hold up in a dingy room somewhere discussing and resolving our issues. Fast forward 7 years. We separated almost a year ago over issues that still lingered with her since the affair. You can decorate a cake any beautiful way you want. But if there is Styrofoam underneath it will still be fake. Some advice...don't think that a good trip to a romantic hideaway will heal all. Heal then go on a great trip to celebrate a stronger, more open relationship.
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