bunnyear Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 it is a long strory. 1. we met 4 years ago in university. 2. I loved him. He loved me. 3. His family is hell. His mum asked me how much money i have when i got engaged. and advice me to open joing account. (my £ > his £) His mum told me to stop buy expensive shoes and clothes but save up to give all £ to her later for the house deposit.(if we want her house). then she can pass the house to us like selling to us. told me that My wedding gift from his family is living with my H in one of their house(buy to let), one year for free. 4. I dropped out of uni. His parents didnot encourge to continue but send me work-advertisement to hint me to go out to work. later so that can pay rent. 5. we moved out. Things go ugly with his family. We hardly speak to them. H is on my side. He doesnot feel be loved neither from his own parents. husband finished final year uni and 2 years post-grad now. I dropped out of uni and shared all my money with him and worked ever since. 6. Now I m 22. He is 25. He got job contract starting in a month time. I got uni offer to go in 2 months time. Our love was totally destroyed by his cunning parents. No happy memory--like nightmare during that time. 7. I chose a uni in another city. I wana distance. 8. In the last one year. I keep giving him warning that I m not happy wanna divorce. and feel free to find other women. 9 He didnot come back 2 nights last week. Txting a girl called Emma. They have known each other for a week only. She is doing her post-gard. and her brother gone through divorce as well. She became emotional support to my H now. My hubby starts to pay attention his hair and look now. 10. I dont know i love him or not. But i def-ly want divorce. Soon or later. I though I choose to go to another university will slowly cool down our emotional attchement. But now seems like things going on really well. There is a Emma appeared. 11. I want to cut off it ASAP. before things get complicated. before his evil parents get invloved in again.(they only cunning money. maybe they would let my H apply debt, UK law is 50-50 debt/property divorce. But ofcourse my H is not this type of person at all). Before Emma get invloved in. So i told him I want to divorce this week. 12. He cried a lot. and I pity him . and I wish Emma and him maye become something special that he can be happy. As I cannot make him happy and I mnot happy. I set him free and myself free. look back these years. business people would think: he Got my best year of youth(19-23) He got my money and support through qulified. I got a UK passport. I can getback to uni again as v poor student again on my own. He insisted that wanna give me half salary each month even after divorce. and mention he def-y wanna support me through university like i did to him. He said divorce and this financial support is completely 2 different things. no matter divorce or not. He will support me. I refused his money and said If i really need help. I will ask later. Yes I know I m doing the right thing. but feel better i m still asking in this forum here. I have not been alone ever. I am scared. I am with parents til 18.. then with my H. (19-23). I loved H. and going to be life -long -friends with him. I never been lived alone . Yes. I m financial indepedent as I was working all the time. I m getting used to the salary to do my hair. nails. eat out life-style. I never been emotional indepedent so far. In the winter in the dark. in the cold I feel safe whenever i see my H and our little home. I dont have anything in this country buy H. Now I m going to be on my own. It is funny that goverment give me maximum grant as student(UK. every student get grant). as I m a person in UK with no one. No family. No parents here. and NO H now. I know that i can have a easy life by just keep marriage for another 3/4 years until i get even PHD qulified. His professional job can garantee me a easy life with the luxry thing i m getting used to. I want to learn to be independent. I know it is hard. and i m scared. And I think it is right thing to do. I dont mind money return at all from him. I think it is right to set him free. I feel sad. and i wish i can be really strong woman-qulified and career. and find my self before i find Mr. right.
magichands Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 12. He cried a lot. and I pity him . and I wish Emma and him maye become something special that he can be happy. As I cannot make him happy and I mnot happy. This is a wonderful and selfless wish you make for him... but it seems as if he has gone and had this "emotional affair" with Emma instead of trying extra hard to work things out with you. You say you are life-long friends, but has he really treated you with the respect you deserve? Lastly... is your marriage truly over, in your eyes? I have not been alone ever. I am scared. I am with parents til 18.. then with my H. (19-23). I loved H. and going to be life -long -friends with him. I never been lived alone . I never been emotional indepedent so far. In the winter in the dark. in the cold I feel safe whenever i see my H and our little home. You sound like a person with a strong will. Just coming to the UK (to study?) was a BIG step in itself!!!! It is natural to be a little scared, but I am sure that you are much stronger than you think. I want to learn to be independent. I know it is hard. and i m scared. And I think it is right thing to do. I dont mind money return at all from him. I think it is right to set him free. I feel sad. and i wish i can be really strong woman-qulified and career. and find my self before i find Mr. right. You are already a strong woman... but maybe by learning to be independent you will have a much better idea of what you want out of life. Good luck bunnyear!
Author bunnyear Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 sometimes i do hesitate and doubt whether I am just doing this to make myself feel better. I know he is having emotional affair with emma. I m scared to do research to find out what is really going on. i m kinda of like burry my head in sand. quite cut it off before i found out more lies. the guy I spend and devote so much to in last 4 years is a complicated a**h***s? the guy everyday pretend is a victim of this marrige( i am victim too?) is actually 2 faces ? while saying wanna save marriage. while dump me for 2 nights to emotional communicate with emma non-physicially? wite his new hair cut and shaved face? May be I am like the Bruee in <desperate housewife> trying to build up a dream world in my own little brain -imagination world. and cannot bear life is not perfect or the way i want it to be. So i just run away from this marriage as the paranoia? or dare not to work on it anymore. from business pont of view. I m a STUPID woman
magichands Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 from business pont of view. I m a STUPID woman Well, I think true love has real depth to it - far beyond the "business" point of view. Sure, you can exchange resumes and all that - but love is full of intangibles. Stupid people don't realise that they are stupid. You're not stupid... it sounds like you put a lot of effort into your marriage. No? You gave it your best shot - but it seems that he isn't doing the same. Be happy in yourself - and try to find someone that complements you. That's complements (as in, share your life with), not compilments (as in, "Wow... you are so pretty!").
Author bunnyear Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 u make very good true point. thank u
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