VickiLLB Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I am a 25 year old lawyer. I work in a top tier form and work extremely hard. Most of my friends are from university or others who work in the legal/finance industry. I come from a very poor background and am the most down to earth person I know (you can imagine the amount of wankers we get in this industry). Anyway, I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months. I really like him, he treats me like gold. He works in the city near me in a finance firm. He never finished his uni degree (he travelled instead) which I think is cool, he's got more life experience than I'll ever have. He's not as quick witted as previous boyfriends but it's not something I've really cared about. However he told me tonight that he's quitting his job to join the fire service. I tried to be supportive but inside my gut is churning. Low pay, horrible shift hours, back-breaking work - I can't imagine why he'd leave a cushy office job to do this. I admire firefighters but, especially here in Australia, it is such a dangerous job. I am also thinking of the reaction my friends and colleagues will have when I introduce my boyfriend as a firefighter. I've only ever gone out and mix with 'suits'. To be with a firefighter seems ridiculous. It's such a horrible way to be thinking - if I really liked him I shouldn't care about his job. I just think I would be ashamed of him if he went and became a firefighter. The financial burden would also be on me if the relationship continued. I don't expect my partner to have an amazing career or anything. I guess I just think we'll be living in 2 different worlds. What do you think - are my concerns valid or am I just a superficial bitch?!
Stunner Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I agree with your statement, if you really liked him you wouldn't care about his job. I work with many of those in the firefighting community here and love those guys/girls. They have the best sense of humor, are so welcoming and genuine. Personally, I would take that over a suit type who only cares about what kind of car he drives and how big his house is. I don't even waste my time on that. I am much older than you though, 37. IMO, it does seem superficial. I hope that doesn't come across as unkind but I think that is the crux of your question. Give yourself some time to mature in the relationship arena and see if your feelings change. Good luck.
Pantero Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 You're being a superficial bitch. Just end it now so he can move on with his life. I've known plenty of guys who've got dumped because their g/f's couldn't handle them being cops. If you don't want to support him, don't dick him around. Maybe one day, he'll save your life with his horrible pay, back breaking work, and long hours. Feeling guilty, yet?
blind_otter Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I just think I would be ashamed of him if he went and became a firefighter. The financial burden would also be on me if the relationship continued. I don't expect my partner to have an amazing career or anything. I guess I just think we'll be living in 2 different worlds. What do you think - are my concerns valid or am I just a superficial bitch?! I won't call you a bitch, but I do think that the two of you value different things in life and are therefore not compatible at all. It's not good or bad, you just want different things out of life. I personally really admire people in the service industry, and men who do physical work for a living, much more than the soft hands of a pencil pusher. That's JMO, though, and it just goes to show there are different kinds of people out there, and you deserve to be with someone who shares your values, just as your current BF deserves to be with someone who shares HIS values.
Pink Amulet Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 IMO: Yes, you are being a superficial bitch. Your man sounds as though he wants to leave this "cushy", financially stable job to fulfill a passion, and move in to a more rewarding job. Firefighters are some of the bravest, selfless men (and women) in the world. The fact that you would be ashamed of introducing this wonderful man to your snotty friends contradicts your claim of being a "down to earth person". If job stereotypes are anything to go by, you sound like a typical laywer. Stick with the "suits" and let this man go out and help people. He needs a woman who is going to support him, be proud of him and admire his bravery... leave him for women like me.
Pink Amulet Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 it just goes to show there are different kinds of people out there, and you deserve to be with someone who shares your values, just as your current BF deserves to be with someone who shares HIS values. I will say this... I am sure he doesn't sit around with his friends saying "I am ashamed of introuducing my girlfriend to you because she is a.... lawyer:sick: "... ( I personally have nothing against lawyers). My mother works for defence here, and has a very powerful, significant, and high paid job. My father is a climber, and has a small mountaineering import, export business, he earns peanuts. Two ends of the spectrum and they still supported eachothers dreams and career choices...
blind_otter Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Two ends of the spectrum and they still supported eachothers dreams and career choices... It's laudable that they were able to do this, but I don't think that everyone is capable of that kind of reciprocity in relationships. Just because I value something doesn't mean everyone in the world should. That would make this a helluva boring planet. Her beliefs don't hurt anyone, she quite obviously realizes that this isn't the ideal way to think about things, but nonetheless she at least honest about it and has the self-awareness to know what she wants.
littlekitty Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I agree... very superficial. He wants to pursue a nobal and honest career and you'd be ashamed of him?! What a pity. As PA said, perhaps you'd be better suited with someone more like yourself, and leave him for someone who will support and love him regardless of his career choice. My SO earns about 50% less than I do. Yes, it does sometimes cause financial issues. I am carrying us at times, but so the hell what?! We are a TEAM. We have the same goals and dreams and we support each other in them. And I'm not ashmed of him for a single second. He's the most honest, hard working, kind, loving, intelligent man I've ever met.
blind_otter Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 My SO earns about 50% less than I do. Yes, it does sometimes cause financial issues. I am carrying us at times, but so the hell what?! We are a TEAM. We have the same goals and dreams and we support each other in them. And I'm not ashmed of him for a single second. He's the most honest, hard working, kind, loving, intelligent man I've ever met. Plus he has those awesome abs. I tell ya what, you can deal with a lot if a hot bod and a pretty face come along with the deal.
Pink Amulet Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Little Kitty- "Gooooo Teaaaammm" *shakes pom poms* Blind Otter- I was contradicting your use of "values" in this situation. This is not about values, this is about supporting a noble career choice of the person you love. It would be about values if perhaps he was organising an underground crime syndicate...
Pink Amulet Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Plus he has those awesome abs. I tell ya what, you can deal with a lot if a hot bod and a pretty face come along with the deal. As I said, if she doesn't want him, many will- Hell send him my way
blind_otter Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Little Kitty- "Gooooo Teaaaammm" *shakes pom poms* Blind Otter- I was contradicting your use of "values" in this situation. This is not about values, this is about supporting a noble career choice of the person you love. It would be about values if perhaps he was organising an underground crime syndicate... Um, what is your definition of personal values, then? She values money more, he values working in a service position more, and never the twain shall meet. I believe the latter example was about "morals", correct me if I'm wrong.
littlekitty Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Her beliefs don't hurt anyone, she quite obviously realizes that this isn't the ideal way to think about things, but nonetheless she at least honest about it and has the self-awareness to know what she wants. Got to say. You have a fair point.
Outcast Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 So a person deciding to take a job which involves strength, courage, and is about serving and helping people rates lower than a job where people sit on their butts and push pencils? Yes, if you value humans in monetary terms, that is extremely shallow.
littlekitty Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Plus he has those awesome abs. I tell ya what, you can deal with a lot if a hot bod and a pretty face come along with the deal. Another good point, and well made!!! Hell he could stay home all day working on those awesome abs and be my bitch if I could afford it!!
Stunner Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 BTW, if money matters so much...wait about five years...if he sticks with it he'll be earning as much as you do. I see their financials all the time...service does pay if he sticks with it. Be warned, if this is truly in his blood he will probably not opt for administration later in his career. There are two breeds of fireman from what I know. Type 1 is the die hard, man's man type that thrive on the sense of community and thrill of the rush. Type 2 is similar to type 1 but will hand over the bunker gear for the chance to cush it up and run the show.
Pink Amulet Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Um, what is your definition of personal values, then? She values money more, he values working in a service position more, and never the twain shall meet. I believe the latter example was about "morals", correct me if I'm wrong. Oh of course. I should have phrased my sentence to imply that above "values" comes "supporting your SO dreams". I was only pointing out this should be the important factor in this whole thread. Regardless of career values, or monetary desires, should be the love and support you give to your partner. This is just my opinion
SmoochieFace Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I agree... very superficial. He wants to pursue a nobal and honest career and you'd be ashamed of him?! What a pity. As PA said, perhaps you'd be better suited with someone more like yourself, and leave him for someone who will support and love him regardless of his career choice. My SO earns about 50% less than I do. Yes, it does sometimes cause financial issues. I am carrying us at times, but so the hell what?! We are a TEAM. We have the same goals and dreams and we support each other in them. And I'm not ashmed of him for a single second. He's the most honest, hard working, kind, loving, intelligent man I've ever met. *applause* Now THAt is the HEALTHY way to have a relationship!
RecordProducer Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I am a 25 year old lawyer. I work in a top tier form and work extremely hard. Most of my friends are from university or others who work in the legal/finance industry. I come from a very poor background and am the most down to earth person I know (you can imagine the amount of wankers we get in this industry). Anyway, I've been seeing this guy for a couple of months. I really like him, he treats me like gold. He works in the city near me in a finance firm. He never finished his uni degree (he travelled instead) which I think is cool, he's got more life experience than I'll ever have. He's not as quick witted as previous boyfriends but it's not something I've really cared about. However he told me tonight that he's quitting his job to join the fire service. I tried to be supportive but inside my gut is churning. Low pay, horrible shift hours, back-breaking work - I can't imagine why he'd leave a cushy office job to do this. I admire firefighters but, especially here in Australia, it is such a dangerous job. I am also thinking of the reaction my friends and colleagues will have when I introduce my boyfriend as a firefighter. I've only ever gone out and mix with 'suits'. To be with a firefighter seems ridiculous. It's such a horrible way to be thinking - if I really liked him I shouldn't care about his job. I just think I would be ashamed of him if he went and became a firefighter. The financial burden would also be on me if the relationship continued. I don't expect my partner to have an amazing career or anything. I guess I just think we'll be living in 2 different worlds. What do you think - are my concerns valid or am I just a superficial bitch?! My father said once: "I forgive them for being stupid, but they can't forgive me for being smart!" In this case, you're trying to forgive him for being less ambitious, less witted, less educated, and less paid. But will HE forgive you some day? Will he admire your success and brain or will he be jealous and try to inhibit you? I don't think you should refer to the moral side of this case. I think you should concentrate on your own feelings about the situation and this guy. I trule believe that there is no real love and compatibility if you don't admire your partner. If you're ashamed of him and he envies you (not yet), no matter how much you try to accept him with your mind, your heart will always look him down. You'll find reasons to justify your resentment elsewhere. If he were also a lawyer, but less successful than you, you'd probably "tolerate" that. It's all about tolerance, not black-or-white. If you were one of the Kennedy's and he were a street cleaner, you would probably never want to start a serious relationship with him. Your case is not so stretched out on the social scale, but you still have a major difference to beat: you're a lawyer and he is a firefighter. And it's not about his occupation. If he were a poor scientist, you might have looked at him differently. But he chooses to quit a "fancy" occupation for a low-paid, physical job. Will he be happy at that position? He will probably get bored of it very soon and think of something else.
johan Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 ...I am also thinking of the reaction my friends and colleagues will have when I introduce my boyfriend as a firefighter. I've only ever gone out and mix with 'suits'. To be with a firefighter seems ridiculous. What do you think - are my concerns valid or am I just a superficial bitch?! Some of your own concerns were legitimate: the hours, the pay, the time, the danger. But those are practical issues faced in most every relationship to some extent (except the danger one, usually). If you never had to introduce him to anyone as your boyfriend, you probably would be more supportive. But you will have to be social with him, and I think you're worried about what they will think. If you're letting what you presume they will think come before your own thoughts and feelings, then I'd say that you're being superficial. I'll hold off on the bitch part until you break up over it.
IWalkAlone Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Plus he has those awesome abs. I tell ya what, you can deal with a lot if a hot bod and a pretty face come along with the deal. But if a guy doesn't have a awesome abs, a pretty face or a high-paying job, he's s***-out-of-luck. Right?
Pink Amulet Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 If he loves me unconditionally, loves sex, loves my body and respects me enough to stay faithful- then the other things aren't really very important.
littlekitty Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 But if a guy doesn't have a awesome abs, a pretty face or a high-paying job, he's s***-out-of-luck. Right? It was a joke between us IWA. Nothing serious!! See the laughing face?!
johan Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 It was a joke between us IWA. Nothing serious!! See the laughing face?! Nice dodge! Clearly the answer to the question was yes. Oh my god, you're all superficial bitches. I knew it!
ronnieromance Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 First off, not everyone wants a "cushy office job". I happen to work in an extremely laid back office, but for the most part, the 9-5 grind is a half step above a lot of things that suck. Second, his life experience may trranslate into a type of intelligence you'll never have. There a lot of different "types" of intellect. There are people gifted at music, some at writing. There are engineers whos written word is so horrid, I'd wipe my ass with it. But they design bridges and do things I never could. Some people are adept at seeing situations for what they are, in their ourest, simplest form. OP, I think you have a rather myopic view things. BTW, if it's like the US shifts, he'll have, what I consider better hours than you. One week on, 3 off. But do what makes you happy. You have to be happy with your partner, not us. We all have things we need to adjust, look at differently, or stop. It's obvious it bothers you, or else you'd have never written. THerefroe, I'm inclined to think your mind is more or less made up. Do what you feel. -R-
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