fireflywy Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 after you've had the worst of breakups... made all the apologies you felt you needed too (even though they didn't), tried one last time to fix the problems plaguing your relationship, (they wouldn't try) and had strict NC (for a month) after they dumped you and asked you to end communication...... How do you turn your back on a human being you once cared for? That no matter what you said or did to make it work, they left angry at you and laid all the blame at your feet and took none of their own? ( i once believed in the guilt she placed on me, but I know better now) I don't want her back and I won't contact her, (both for respect to her and for my own healing) but I have a profound sadness that our ending could not have been on better terms. I know that's how it happens sometimes, but when you're a good person, a good person who cared about someone else and would have been there through all of their problems, how do you finally cope that the person is in a sense dead to you? Hard to swallow the fact that maybe they don't care about you the same way huh? Its also hard to swallow that you know you'll see them out there again someday but that you will probably never have them acknowledge you or speak to you again. I want the person to look back and think, "He wasn't that bad of a guy. Sure things were rough and even though I said he was like all the others in a long line, he really wasn't. He was a good person." I want that person to look back and say "I understand where he was coming from on some of the things he defended when I over reacted. He owned up to his faults, took great strength in admitting them, and sincerely apologizing for his failures. I had my faults too and they also played a role in our downfall!" I want that person to look back and think "He really did care about me and wishes the best for me. I will remember the good words and the true feelings he spoke because he told me that they would transcend everything negative that was said between us." I want that person to think "If I see him out there someday, it's okay if I say hello and be amicable. I don't hate him" I fear that those thoughts are the farthest things from my ex's mind. Oh well..... Just some thoughts. I don't think I'm the first person who has thought this. Don't really need any feedback. Just thought I'd post it. P.S. I also wanted to thank all of you on here. I have been silent for a month and a half but reading from all of you has really helped me stay strong and realize not only my faults, but my strength's as well.
KittenMoon Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I don't know if this will mean much, and I know you didn't want replies per sé, but as long as your split wasn't catastrophicaly devastating (like you cheated a whole bunch or something), she probably will look back someday in the ways you want, or at least not hold much against you. Most people can forgive in time, even if its for no other reason than they simply don't care anymore.
Author fireflywy Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 Nope. No cheating. Just some very heated arguments. It just bother's me that I'll never speak to her again most likely. I've never quite had that happen to me before. Thanks for your post.
Diver012 Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 This may sound a little weird, but atleast you had arguements. Sometimes things just dont get worked out, but not for a lack of trying. Sometimes the communication that should exist between 2 people is never really there and without knowing theres a problem in the first place, wammo, its over and you sit there and wonder WTF?!?! I would take some comfort in the fact that you know why. She may be bitter, or even angry at you, but atleast you can walk away knowing you both tried to make things work. Time really does heal all wounds, if you allow it to..
Author fireflywy Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 Your right. Time certainly does help. I'm doing much better thanks to everyone here on this board. At the very least, I can walk away and tell myself that at the last moment, when things mattered most, I reached out to her, showed her my humility and care, and did all that I could. After that, it is up to her whether she embraces those things from me or not. If she had any inkling of feeling for me, she'll understand that about me in the end right? If she doesn't truly see the measure of me as a man, then I guess she truly wasn't worth receiving the type of love I wanted to share with her. She's not a bad a person don't get me wrong, and she deserves love and caring like anyone else, but in the end maybe she didn't deserve all that I wished to give. Wow. This has certainly been a helpful little exercise. I haven't really written down my thoughts much.
Smung Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Firefly, your last post was awesome... It really sounds like acceptance and peace is starting to embrace you! You are so right, you can be assured that she knows how you feel and it's now up to her as the dumper to come to terms with her feelings about you. From your last comments it sounds like you’re on your way! Cheers to you!
Author fireflywy Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 Thank you. I'm working on it. The funny thing is, I was never angry at her for what happened or it how it ended. Upset and sad, yes.. angry not ever. I just hope that I didn't come across as a needy type but I had to say what I had to say. When she said no more contact, I did no contact. I think it was the newest Rascal Flatts cd which helped. lol. How many people out there have ever had someone, who made you feel horrible about what happened, ( i know that some people do that for strength to justify their moving on) but came back to you or at least spoke to you again? I won't be destroyed if she doesn't. I'm stronger than that. However, I'm curious if people have ever had someone come back and at least offer that small bit of redemption? Of course, in the end, the only person who can ever truly redeem you is yourself. I've already taken stock and I'm on my way.
TravelLight Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I am still unable to come to terms with someone who is effectively dead to me but is still walking the planet. Through all the self help and after so much time I am not at terms with it. I talked to some friends in a bar about it tonight. They have just moved on from their breakups. You have to cope somehow with the fact they're not coming back and you may never see them again. If you're treated badly by somebody you really love it is hard to fathom. But I will stand up and be counted for any hopefuls. I never have seen her again and she never contacted me to ask me how I was.
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