JohnHesse Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Hi, i've been broken up with my gfriend for about 2 months now with no contact about a month. Its her 30th birthday next week and i was thinking about texting her just a simple happy birthday, is this a bad idea? Im not sure what i want to get out of it, im so confused. at the same time, i feel like im on the road to recovery, but on the other hand, i do still care about her, and feel like it would be insensitive to not at least acknowledge her birthday especially since its a big one. what should i do?
fabulousgal Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I vote no. I called mine on his, and I was disappointed. I was expecting something I guess, and I felt stupid for calling him and not getting the attention that I wanted.
Author JohnHesse Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 I don't know what to expect, i don't really even feel like talking to her as it will get in the way of my recovery, but i was thinking i should acknowledge her birthday... At this point, i have 70% gotten over the hope of getting back together, but there's still that 30%, and i don't know if texting her to let her know i still care, maybe its stupid of me.
whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Don't call her. You're going to wake up feelings inside yourself (congrats on the one month of NC) and you really don't know HOW she will react to you emailing her. IF you email her, what do you expect back? Will you be hurt if she doesn't acknowledge your email? IF it was your birthday next month, would you expect (or hope) she would contact you on your bday? After one month of NC? I don't think any good will come of this, so don't do it!
jerbear Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Without knowing to much, was the break up on civil terms or a yelling match. There are a few issues to take into consideration. If you want to talk to her with hopes of getting her back, it is not a good reason. What is the real reason? There was a post by a poster that by not contacting on a big day like her 30th. She did not forgive him for it. Who dumped who? If you were the dumper that is one thing, if she was the dumper I would avoid it. Why talk to someone who does not want you?
whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Also, you shouldn't be too concerned about how she will feel if you don't contact her on her birthday. You two are not part of eachother's lives anymore... Don't ruin your one month streak!
Author JohnHesse Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 i was the dumped. We left it off with me emailing her i still loved her, and wanted to try again, with me perhaps doing some things differently. we dated for 8 months, and had a really good relationship or so i thought. she replied to my last email by saying that she'd think about it and maybe we can contact soon. i have not replied to her email nor contacted her since then and neither has she tried to contact me. i'm not sure what i really even want from her at this point, but that 30% that still holds out hope of getting back together makes me think i should at least acknowledge her bday.
whichwayisup Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 It's up to you, but the fact she hasn't contacted you either says alot as well. I think you're taking your chances...BUT..If you feel you want to and don't expect ANYTHING so you won't be disappointed, then do it. Though you'll probably regret it... You NOT contacting her may be a good thing actually because it will make her think you've moved on - Enough so, that you may get a reaction out of her.
stronggirl Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 i was the dumped. We left it off with me emailing her i still loved her, and wanted to try again, with me perhaps doing some things differently. we dated for 8 months, and had a really good relationship or so i thought. she replied to my last email by saying that she'd think about it and maybe we can contact soon. i have not replied to her email nor contacted her since then and neither has she tried to contact me. i'm not sure what i really even want from her at this point, but that 30% that still holds out hope of getting back together makes me think i should at least acknowledge her bday. nope, don't do it......find a new girl to wish happy birthday too.
MacGyver Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Dont text! What is it that you are still holding on to that sending a text will answer?
jerbear Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 You were dumped and she is deciding on what to do. The ball is in her court. All you can do is wait it out, she made the choice. Since you are still pinning for her with percentage estimates, I would go against the bday contact. She made her decision, contact would give you closure and may not give you the answer you are looking for. It seems you really want to contact her and using her bday as an excuse. If you really want to contact, maintain your distance. You do have to be aware that you may not get the desired result. It can actually make your one month of no contact even worse and set you back.
Guest Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 you've already done everything you can to let her know you were still interested. If she thinks that you're there waiting around for her she will just take you for granted. Even though it's a simple text, I think it will have the opposite effect that you want. Don't worry about looking like "the bad guy". She was the one who dumped you! Be strong. She needs to wonder. really.
Quinch Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I would leave her alone for now. If she hasn't invited you to her party then she doesn't want to hear from you. Give it a few weeks then try to talk to a mutual friend. Ask how she's doing. Say you wanted to wish her happy birthday but didn't think it was a good idea at the time. Things might have changed and you can leave the ball in her court. Good luck
Returning Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I recieved a birthday card from my Ex over the weekend. Split up for 6 months, NC for 4 weeks. It started a nightmare and I crashed and burnt, ended up finding out she'd been with another for 4 months, which is understandable and didn't really flame me. We were together 16 yrs and she will not speak directly to me at all. Would have prefered not to recieve her card or glib sentiments.
stronggirl Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I recieved a birthday card from my Ex over the weekend. Split up for 6 months, NC for 4 weeks. It started a nightmare and I crashed and burnt, ended up finding out she'd been with another for 4 months, which is understandable and didn't really flame me. We were together 16 yrs and she will not speak directly to me at all. Would have prefered not to recieve her card or glib sentiments. did she break up with you? or visa versa?
Nedved28 Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 It's up to you, but the fact she hasn't contacted you either says alot as well. I think you're taking your chances...BUT..If you feel you want to and don't expect ANYTHING so you won't be disappointed, then do it. Though you'll probably regret it... You NOT contacting her may be a good thing actually because it will make her think you've moved on - Enough so, that you may get a reaction out of her. I think thats a great point!!! She has'nt made any effort to contact you so d'ont bother!! I made those mistakes in the past and you get no thanks for it!! She'l prob just glance at the message and then go back to enjoying her party and won't give u a seconds thought!! d'ont ruin your one monthy NC!! believe me she'l take more notice if you D'ONT contact then she would if you DO contact!! She won't have a clue what your doing or thinking and you'l give yourself some mystic back!!
Smung Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 John, as the person who was dumped it is important that you not contact your ex. Don't send the text as it is more likely to have the opposite reaction that you want. The Dumper needs time to reflect on the relationship and NC provides that. The Dumped needs time to heal from the "in love" state and NC provides that. If you as the dumped periodically try and contact the dumper all it will do is reinforce the dumpers ego. It will make you look needy and unable to move on with your life because you are dependant on her for your emotional happiness. That is a HUGE turn off for women. If the person wants to contact you in the future they will, and then you will have a decision to make. Stay strong!
blind_otter Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Hi, i've been broken up with my gfriend for about 2 months now with no contact about a month. Its her 30th birthday next week and i was thinking about texting her just a simple happy birthday, is this a bad idea? Im not sure what i want to get out of it, im so confused. at the same time, i feel like im on the road to recovery, but on the other hand, i do still care about her, and feel like it would be insensitive to not at least acknowledge her birthday especially since its a big one. what should i do? Don't do it. You just look lame and clingy and sad and desperate when you do this. If you want to contact her, then do so on some other day where it isn't so obvious that you were looking for an excuse to contact her.
Pink Amulet Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I don't know if a generic "happy birthday" card or some such thing will do all of this?! I certainly plan on sending my ex one... am I really making a huge mistake? I am not struggling with N/C I just want to wish him a happy birthday!
johan Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 As the dumpee, I wouldn't do it. Why bother? It's like saying "even though you don't care about me, I still care about you." Well, fine if you do, but she doesn't care regardless. She told you it's over, so treat it as if it's over. As the dumper, I wouldn't do it. The last thing you want to do is provide a ray of hope. Because the dumpee is going to be tortured by thoughts of how to turn that into something real. Or at least it will make them think, and that's cruel enough. The only time it makes sense is if you both got out of the relationship with little pain. Then maybe you do it out of some kind of regard. But, again, why bother? I'm not much of a birthday/holiday person myself. Even when I'm in a relationship.
blind_otter Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I don't know if a generic "happy birthday" card or some such thing will do all of this?! I certainly plan on sending my ex one... am I really making a huge mistake? I am not struggling with N/C I just want to wish him a happy birthday! Alls I can say is, honestly, if I got a card from an ex I would be like, "whoopee, you sent me a card. One extra item for the landfill." But like johan, I am not much of a bday/holiday person and I do the same thing with christmas cards. I have no idea where that tradition began. Mass mailing from family members are so joyous and remind us of christ, who often sent out clay tablets with witty sayings engraved, signed "hugs, Jesus. XXOO. Have a great new year!"
dgiirl Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 4 months after my ex left, it was his bday. I said zip. However, I did tell all of his friends who constantly forget it was his bday. I just didnt say anything to him. It was on a weekend. The following monday he IMed me something retarded. A few months later, my bday came and we had just been talking about legalities of the divorce via email and he emailed me a one liner subject : one other thing... body: happy birthday. It really hurt and he opened up a lot of the wounds again. But i guess him ignoring it would have hurt too. A month later, it was our anniversary and he didnt say anything. This year, his bday came, and I said nothing again. If he wants out of my life, he's out of my life. None of this bs lets be friends crap. If he doesnt want all of me, he doesnt get part of me. And I aint gonna be messaging him once a year happy bday. We have no kids. There's no need to keep in contact. I say for your own sanity, dont contact her. Maybe this will wake her up and realize that you are no longer in her life.
Pantero Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 DON'T DO IT. No arguments. Just don't send anything or say anything. Not now. Not ever. Over is over.
Winfield Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 This is a subject which I'll have to make my mind up over the next few weeks too. OK, so she dumped me...and since her "I don't want to go out with you any more" speech, we haven't said a word to each other (no phonecall, no text, no e-mail, nothing)...which doesn't bother me in the slightest. But...she made a big deal of my birthday just a few weeks before we broke up, and I was planning on returning the favour when her birthday arrived. So, we haven't communicated since we broke up...and, in keeping things this way, I have no intention of re-initiating communication. But, would there be any harm in sending her a card (no fancy messages, just a simple "from me to you"), just as a way of returning the favour? The way I see it, by sending her a card in the post, I'm not expecting any messages, etc, in return (and I see this as a "win-win" situation). Thoughts?
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