Guest Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I need some advice. My boyfriend is a bit younger than me. I'm a professional whatever, and he works, but he doesn't like working...at all. He has an apt. (for the first time, ever, he's not living with his family), but he's always over my house...always. I kicked my last roommate out (I didn't need the money, but they needed a place to stay) because I couldn't stand having anyone else living here...and now this. He calls me all the time (even when I'm at work), he is sometimes at my house when I get home. He's totally clingly, and then wonders why I don't want to have sex. I never get a chance to be alone and it's driving me nuts (making me touchy with everyone else and it also causes me to turn down invitations from friends to go do something because he either has to come along, or it's been so long since I've been by myself that I'd rather zone out in the yard than hang out w/ friends. Today, I had to ask him to leave. I feel bad about it, but he says he understands. I just can't stand the stress of having someone here all the time. I've been working two jobs lately, so the house is getting a bit messy. Him being here when I get home makes me feel like I have to entertain him, when all I want to do is relax and clean the house a bit. I've explained it all to him, and he backs off for a day or so, but then he's right back again...I don't know what to do.
magichands Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 When you say he's at your place when you get home - does he have a key? Is there any problem with spending some evenings together at his place? (Roomies, etc.)
juliou20 Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Girl Please Do Me A Favor And Go Online And Find Yourself A Webdate. Sounds Like You Need Someone That Can Give You The Space That You Need. Just Look Up Some Webdating Service Online And Chat With The People That Are Open Minded And Caring, There Are A Lot Of Those Out There In Every Area. Check It Out. Your Buddy, Julio:d
binevrywear Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 You could suggest he do a bit of housework for you before you tell him to get lost. Or you could do him a favour and dump him outright. Sounds like you don't like him that much anyway, considering how you titled this thread. Or is he just a good lay you don't want to give up?
Walk Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Ha ha aha He sounds like my ex!!! ICK. I got so I would go running for 8-10 miles a day just to have some time to myself. I felt like he was velcro'd to my side. Except he lived with me, so it was worse. No expectation of space ever. Its really easy to lose respect for a person like this. And as soon as the respect is gone, so is the "in love". Sounds like you're headed this way pretty quickly. Have you tried setting more definite boundaries. IE. He's not to come over to your house unless you specifically invite him over. Give him strict limits on when he can or can't call. IE: He can call after 5 to talk. Otherwise someone better be dying if you're at work. Explain that you get 3-4 days during the week day to yourself. Weekends can be spent together. Or just promise Saturdays. I think he'll be hurt and not understand... but I think he'd appreciate that you set the boundaries rather than just dump him because you're afraid of hurting him a little now. The one thing I know about asking for space is you have to set a reconnect time. It lets the other person know they are still wanted and needed, not that you're just shoving them aside indefinitely. It'd help him in giving you more space if he knows that on such and such a day you definitely want to spend time with him. If you don't set the boundaries though... It's all down hill from here. You'll make his life a living hell because you'll be so resentful of him. He'll try harder to get back in your good graces, which will make you even more resentful and feel guilty on top of that. There are many women out there who are in a different situation and would love to have a man pay that much attention to them. So don't stay in the relationship if you can't find common ground with him. Let him find a woman he can make really happy, and he'll be happier too. I'm not saying dump him... but IF you can't find common ground, then don't make his life miserable when he could find happiness with someone else.
john1776 Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 Your bf is a typical example of being a clingy man alright. Signs of clinginess include overcalling ( calling too many times per day), over apologetic (apologizing even when he has not done anything wrong), making you the reason that he exists, not giving you space to breathe and live your own life. Even during the times he's not calling he's probably desperately waiting for you to call him and he'll answer the phone on the 1st ring. He'll check his cell phone every 15 minutes to see if you called. I wrote a guide about all of this. He's not giving you time to miss him. He's clinging to you with phone calls and that's pushing you away. He needs to back off and give you time to miss him and time for you to do what you have to do. I don't call my girlfriend everyday. My frequency of calls varies. Sometimes I wait 2 days to call. Sometimes 3 and sometimes 5 days. It depends on how many calls or IMs she initiates during the week.
Pantero Posted July 1, 2006 Posted July 1, 2006 Just dump him and file a temproary restraining order against him when he tries to get you back and starts stalking you.
Recommended Posts