bunset Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I just got a call from a new girlfriend. I haven't had many in my life at all, but I knew she'd be a good one to have. We 've travelled in the same social circle for about 18 months now, but never really got to know eachother until... get this, she was my roommate at the resort where/when I started my A (her being there only slowed us down a bit...) She knows my H and I know her Live-in and those 2 are buddies. I learned that her live-in of the past 3 years is actually still married, is a deadbeat Dad and has become a controlling ass! I pointed out his abusive and controlling traits to her, while just acknowledging those of my H, not wanting to telegraph my A. She confided that she was ready to dump her SO, but in a gradual process. Well, that just changed!! She just called to tell me that the a**h*** admitted in a fight that he'd been sleeping around and that he got herpes that he probably gave to her!! :eek::eek: She threw him out, they lost their roomate last month, and she can no longer afford her (sole)mortgage, nor the thousands in debt that he coerced her into co-signing for him!! OMG! I just am not quite sure how to be there for her right now, since no one but you @ LS and my family know about my situation. Wow!
movinon05 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Think outside the box. She doesn't need to know about the A. She's hurting big time and probably in shock. Your life is not all inclusive to the A. You are not devalued because you had an A. And you are about to go through a D. You both have a lot on your plate. You have common sense. Do what you are capable of doing. If you are not her closest of friends, she probably has others. Be yourself. Stop wearing your scarlet letter as an excuse that you cannot be as human and compassionate as the next person.
RealityCheck Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 BunSet.... You do know that helping others helps significantly to your "Self" help. I agree with MO, there is life outside your own personal crisis. Look how you have sparked some little food for thought for others in this Forum. Now hop along... :bunny: :bunny:
Author bunset Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 You're right... She just needs a friend or 2 now, and I doubt that my issues have anything to do with how well I can support her. I'd already promised her help to fix up her house to prepare to sell. Guess we're just gonna have to ramp up the pace. This will make a nice distraction. Funny, but if I didn't think my H had control and anger issues, I'd encourage him to be supportive and helpful for guy things while she fixes her house up to sell. Man this little social circle is gonna see some stuff... and I thought I'd be the one to cause the ruckus. I've actually been musing in my head about how to approach this friend to discuss real estate investing with her. Could be that window opening, too. But it is interesting that I never thought of her in terms of the OW, but basically that the position she's been in. I'm still amazed at the complexity of it all sometimes.
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