geaux1972 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 This will all sound like a soap opera, but sadly it isn't. I have been married for over 10 years now and have one child. My wife and I have always had a very strong relationship, open to discuss anything, fun, passionate. I love her very much. We have a very large circle of friends who are all very close. Would do anything for anybody type people. Over the last 5 years, we have grown very close to one couple in particular. Our kids all play together and we are around each other at least once or twice a week. I consider him one of my best friends and vice versa. His wife is also very close to mine and she and I have grown close over the years. She has come to me on occassion to talk to me about issues that she wanted a man's opinion on (gifts and such). We have always been able to just talk about nothing for extended periods of time. She is very beautiful, and a wonderful mother and wife. Over the last year or so though I had started to develop more than just friend feelings for her. I cared about what she was upset about, or if she needed help with something I was right there. But not wanting to jeopardize friendships or marriages, I was able to keep my feelings in check. Partly to for fear of rejection if she didn't feel that way for me. I just lived in my own little state of denial, but it was mine and mine alone. Then 3 months ago I had gone to their house to drop off something from my wife. The OW asked if we could talk about something that was eating at her. She told me then that she had feelings for me. I was floored, but at the same time scared and excited. I was hesitant to tell her my feeling but could not deny them. I also let her know how I felt. Needless to say the next few get togethers were very tense. Finally after a month of us talking (nothing physical ever went on) she broke down in tears one night and told her H. Things obviously went downhill from there. He and I talked and I expalined to him that I did respect him which is why nothing physical ever happened, but that I do care about her. Because nothing physical happened he has forgiven me and we continue to be friends. He continues to hold it over his W head for everything. My wife has not found out as we all decided it was best not to tell her. I hate living with a secret from her, and the time may come where I do tell her, but not now. Here is the problem, I am in love with the OW. But I DO still love my wife. I know the right thing to do is to stop thinking about the OW, but not having contact is nearly impossible without telling my wife. We don't talk anymore privately, but I think about her all day long. When will I see her next, etc. When we are together as a group, we try to limit our contact unless it is around others, but every time we make eye contact I feel like she is looking inside my heart and she knows how I feel. A smile, a glance, it's driving me crazy. I want to hold her so badly and give her everything in the world. I would NEVER want to hurt my wife and the OW and I have no plans to do such to either family. But there is no denying that I will always have very special feelings for this woman that will never go away. So bash if you want, but I just wanted to share my story. Thanks for listening
RealityCheck Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 You won't get any bashing out of me or many of the OW's on this Forum. I do believe it is possible to have feelings for two people at once. Whether you act on your feelings where it involves two people is a different story. In your case you have not and you should be very proud of yourself in that respect. What I am trying to say here is, it is normal for people to having feelings for more than one at the same time during the course of their life. Remain true to yourself. You have stated, you love your wife. Remain in that space without acting on the OW. Believe me, you would not want to deal with an Affair situation. It is alot more complex than anyone who has not lived it can possibly imagine. Good Luck.
UnknowingOW Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 No bashing here. It's a difficult road you are on. Reality is correct with everything stated. Especially the affair being more complex then one will ever know. Don't go down that path. Everyone, including you will be hurt. Stay true to yourself and your feeling for your wife...the are genuine. It's better not to subject the OW either. Good luck.
movinon05 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 My friend, You are in the exact same position I was in 8 years ago, other than a few things regarding our feelings for our spouses. Read my story and you will see what lies ahead should you let anything go further. If its not enough to keep you from walking that path, I don't know what to tell you. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t86518/
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