precious99 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Is it really a normal and natural thing for guys when they are out with their gf's to check out other women? My bf does it constantly - although he says that he is only looking around and looks at everyone male and female alike (YA RIGHT!!) It makes me feel totally s***ty but am I supposed to just "get over it" because it's how guys are wired to behave? My thoughts on this are - he has plenty of time when he is not with me to "look" - but when he is with me shouldn't he respect me enough to abstain? On the flip side when he notices a guy looking at me or I wear some cute outfit out when I'm with friends he gets totally bent out of shape about it. What can I do - do I just grin and bear it or do I say something about it to him?
Tmi381 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I say what he says is a bunch of b.s. There is no way he should be gawking at other women, especially with you. O.k. people are going to look from time to time. But to do it all the time while out with your girl/boy friend is totally disrespectful.. PERIOD!!!. I would feel like crap and a little insecure too. As for him saying things when other people are checking you out is b.s. too because it's ok for him too look at other women but when the tables are turned he can't take the heat in the kitchen.. please. I would say something about it. No point of keeping it all bottled in.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Is he staring them down? Or is it just a glance here and there? I think its totally natural for men and women alike to notice a nice looking person when they walk past. And remember, men respond to looks. It's just how they are. Now if he is just sitting there in front of you looking a women up and down and commenting on how nice her ass looks in that dress... then yes, it is disrespectful if he knows that bothers you. If he is just taking notice of a beautiful women, then I don't see the big deal.
Tmi381 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Is he staring them down? Or is it just a glance here and there? I think its totally natural for men and women alike to notice a nice looking person when they walk past. And remember' date=' men respond to looks. It's just how they are. Now if he is just sitting there in front of you looking a women up and down and commenting on how nice her ass looks in that dress... then yes, it is disrespectful if he knows that bothers you. If he is just taking notice of a beautiful women, then I don't see the big deal.[/quote'] I TOTALLY AGREE!!!!
rkman Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I'm a guy, and quite honestly, BULLs***. It's never ok to cross any line. Sorry to be such a hard ass, but I choose completely respect myself and others. I've always respected my partners in this way, when you stop you are placing a certain distance between the trust you've built together and yourself. "Give a man an inch, and he'll take a yard." Let's take the perspective that's runnign through the guy's head: "Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, but don't swallow." It starts with looking, oh yeah that's ok, 'cause I trust myself right? Further down the line, a hottie catches him looking, he's filled with anxiety. It's ok to talk, I trust myself right? Oh she wants to sit down, that's ok, I trust myself right? Oh now I'm interested, I've suddenly put what I've built in a backseat to someone else because Me, Myself and I want are intreagued, tempatation is like candy. That's ok, I won't do anything, 'cause I trust myself right? etc..etc... It's a downward spiral which can be stopped with a simple act of self-control in the beginning and becomes further and further difficult to halt the deeper you fall. Trust yourself all you wish, respect your partner always. Sure, a small percentage of the time the guy will have the stomach to walk away when she's laying naked in her bed. Cheating isn't just a physical act though. How much of himself has he given up already at this point?
Tim'sAngel Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I hardly rate cheating next to looking at someone other than your SO It sounds like you have more of a self control issue rkman. My SO and I both look and talk to the opposite sex. It isn't even healthy to not have any contact with the other gender. And I agree it isn't about trusting yourself, moreso knowing your limitation. If you can't handly just a look, then don't look, but not everyone is the same. Some men actually have the self control to just look, just as I have the self control to look at other men but have no desire to cheat.
Tmi381 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I'm a female and I totally agree with Tim'sAngel. I don't see any harm in looking. Looking at someone and gawking on a constant basis are two different things.
gfto Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Guys, it's a bad idea to even glance at other girls when you're with your girlfriend, because she WILL notice it. You might think you're being discreet, but you're not. It's disrespectful anyway.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Guys, it's a bad idea to even glance at other girls when you're with your girlfriend, because she WILL notice it. You might think you're being discreet, but you're not. It's disrespectful anyway. So you've never glanced at another person while in the presence of your SO? Hmm... if so, I find that hard to believe. My SO notices other attractive women. He doesn't gawk, so it isn't disrespectful. To tell a guy not to look at another women besides you is like telling him not to breath. Not because it should be ok for men to have an excuse to look at other females, but it is a natural reaction to notice others, just like when a person walks in the room, or someone runs across your path, it catches your eye and your attention. Men are stimulated by sight, so it is perfectly natural for a man to look at attractive women, even the not so attractive. Women are stimulated by touch, so if a man came by and blew across your neck or nibbled at your ear, would you not notice it? I'm not saying its ok for men to sit and just openly check out all the women in the area making lude comments and trying to imagine them naked. There is a line not to cross. It personally does not bother me to see my SO looking at someone else, and vise versa because we are in a secure relationship. You cannot stifle a natural occurance. And if you try, I can assure you it will only build up resentment from your SO. I know this because I used to be very jealous in my younger years. It is very unattractive.
gfto Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 So you've never glanced at another person while in the presence of your SO? Of course I have. I was being facetious. There's a generic glance (perfectly fine), then there's the "damn I'd like to get my hands on that" glance. It doesn't have to be a gawk. I simply choose to err on the side of caution. It isn't difficult. I've never really felt like I was fighting to suppress some natural urge or anything like that.
lovestruck234 Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I have to admit, I'm still in the jealous stages of my relationship with my bf and I think becasue I'm still in this stage, I over-analyze things, and I look into things too much. Actually it wasn't too long ago my bf and I went out to dinner and we were sitting in a position where my back was facing the door, and my bf was facing the door, but I was also facing in the direction a window, a window in which I could see the reflection of the door and people coming in. I swear to God, he was like a hawk! Every hot chick that came in he would totally check out! GRRR!!!!! I could see all of this through the reflection of the window. But I didn't say anything cos I didn't want to wreck the night, but my God, was I fuming on the inside!! He does it quite alot, and it pisses me right off, but I think I just kind of let it slide. It makes me insecure at the time and I feel like a shadow, but at the end of the day when he beds me and afterwards tells me he's never laid eyes on anything more beautiful and that he's never been this happy, THAT'S when I know he's genuine. I can honestly say I don't check out other guys. I see them and acknowledge that they're there, but to me, they're just another person. COS I'M IN LOVE WITH MY BF INSTEAD!!!! :love: :love:
j.carsey Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Girls do it too, they are just more careful and glance over quickly. Sometimes I have carefully watched a girlfriend's eyes when out in public. What I noticed is she is actually checking out both men and women (only the attractive ones) but I really couldn't get upset about that, and it's quick. The eyes straight on the tits/ass/legs is definitely more of a male thing. When I'm with a girlfriend I make a conscious effort to not do that, it can be controlled. Guys SHOULD control themselves when with a lady, and even when alone make sure it's done discreetly. For instance at the gym I notice that tons of guys are just staring at a girl's ass while she's bending over but they look all distracted and normal if she is turning around to face them. Even the older guys, in their 50s or whatever. And I remember high school teachers doing that too. Staring = normal Staring and getting caught = creepy
Pink Amulet Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 If I am with a guy, I am usually admiring the beautiful women more than he is!
Mezzi Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 lol at some of these responses, the OP said her boyfriend constantly checks out other women in her presence. Its completely normal for a guy to constantly check out other women in the presence of his girlfriend? Since when? Well maybe its completely normal for you and males you interact with but this is certainly not the norm. Its a fact that continuos roaming eyes are an indication of someone interested in pursuing other interests. You get the picture, I know you can see what's happening here not to mention his excuses..YA RIGHT indeed. Yes, he has plently of time to look and admire when you are not around, it would not be surprising if he were approaching women when you are not around. Totally disrespectful is my take on this.
Toni_no12002 Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I used to get really bothered about my boyfriend looking at other women.I turned ito a woman obbssessed.I constantly wtched him to see were he was looking and if he even looked at another women i would feel so hurt and angry.Its not healthy. Now when im out i look at other men too he gets just as jelous.But hey he cant have it both ways.I realise that because i look atother men it doesnt mean anything really your just looking.Also it winds him up if other men check me out. Whatever you do dont get yourself worked up about it because the only person that will become hurt is you.If you feel good about yourself you shouldnt care about who he looks at because you know hes already got the best.
Author precious99 Posted June 29, 2006 Author Posted June 29, 2006 Wow!! We have gotten tons of differing responses to this topic!! When I started this thread I didn't mean to imply that my bf ogles or openly gawks at cute girls (truth be told I probably notice them before he does - its the gift of insecurity - its the gift that just keeps on giving!!) but he does notice them. I am going to talk to him about it - I mean we have had some small conversations about it when he tells me that he looks at everyone - but I want him to knoe how I feel. His responses should tell me alot of what I want to know I think.
ronnieromance Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I'm a guy, and quite honestly, BULLs***. It's never ok to cross any line. Sorry to be such a hard ass, but I choose completely respect myself and others. I've always respected my partners in this way, when you stop you are placing a certain distance between the trust you've built together and yourself. "Give a man an inch, and he'll take a yard." Let's take the perspective that's runnign through the guy's head: "Look but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, but don't swallow." It starts with looking, oh yeah that's ok, 'cause I trust myself right? Further down the line, a hottie catches him looking, he's filled with anxiety. It's ok to talk, I trust myself right? Oh she wants to sit down, that's ok, I trust myself right? Oh now I'm interested, I've suddenly put what I've built in a backseat to someone else because Me, Myself and I want are intreagued, tempatation is like candy. That's ok, I won't do anything, 'cause I trust myself right? etc..etc... It's a downward spiral which can be stopped with a simple act of self-control in the beginning and becomes further and further difficult to halt the deeper you fall. Trust yourself all you wish, respect your partner always. Sure, a small percentage of the time the guy will have the stomach to walk away when she's laying naked in her bed. Cheating isn't just a physical act though. How much of himself has he given up already at this point? Dude, I think that's a little melodramatic. If he's a cheater, he'll cheat. If he's not, he won't. -R-
Pantero Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Is it really a normal and natural thing for guys when they are out with their gf's to check out other women? My bf does it constantly - although he says that he is only looking around and looks at everyone male and female alike (YA RIGHT!!) It makes me feel totally s***ty but am I supposed to just "get over it" because it's how guys are wired to behave? My thoughts on this are - he has plenty of time when he is not with me to "look" - but when he is with me shouldn't he respect me enough to abstain? On the flip side when he notices a guy looking at me or I wear some cute outfit out when I'm with friends he gets totally bent out of shape about it. What can I do - do I just grin and bear it or do I say something about it to him? I haven't read through the other replies, but I can tell you that guys will be guys in respect to any attractive female catching our attention. However, there is a level of respect and courtesy involved on the guy's part to do his best NOT to stare or have a lingering look while he's with his g/f and even if he isn't at the moment. JMO. I'd get uncomfortable if my girl was checking out some dude in front of me. I don't do it, but if I catch myself turn my head, I turn right back around and focus on my woman. So, yes - your man needs to respect you to abstain from doing this. But, understand that heads will turn for both male and female when an attractive person walks into the room. You wanna get back at him? Start talking about guys who you find hot - like actors...it'll drive him apes***.
Pink Amulet Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 I hate to say, the women you are staring at while appreciative of side ways glances DO NOT appreciate a man with a partner staring at her. I will be honest, I am often on the recieving end of these glances, and it makes me uncomfortable and almost dirty. I had a drama involving this kind of thing once. A man was staring at me on and off for an hour when I was out to dinner with my ex. His wife ended up screaming: "why don't you just go and f*** the stupid bitch then?" and storming out! I was hurt, and my exboyfriend was angry. This mans blatant stares ruined our night.... not to mention his wife's!
Laura_t Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Me and tim's angel had the same conversatino about men lookuing at other women not long ago lol... we sorted that out tho... forgot to post about i even though i said i would lol... at the end of the day... he shouldn't b looking at women an you shudn't be lookin at guys... that way ur both happy and things are sweet
Tim'sAngel Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Me and tim's angel had the same conversatino about men lookuing at other women not long ago lol... we sorted that out tho... forgot to post about i even though i said i would lol... at the end of the day... he shouldn't b looking at women an you shudn't be lookin at guys... that way ur both happy and things are sweet Well, I don't quite remember putting it that way. I believe what I said was to set up boundaries with your partner/spouse so that you know where the line is drawn. It is completely naturely for both men and women to look at the opposite sex. It's one thing to look, its another to be disrespectful. I do not see those 2 related in any way.
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