Jus Wondrin' Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 My ex wife just remarried and obviously she wants to integrate this new assklown into her life and to an extent the kids lives. THey are with her part time. She just informed me that she told MY kids that they now have 2 "Daddys" that both love them. SHe has known this guy for maybe two years, and he has only been introduced to them in the last 9 months--less time than it took to bear them. I hate this. I AM THEIR DADDY. He is AssKlown--or whatever his name is. Why is she trying to confuse the kids? Replace me? I mean he cannot adopt them--I am still in the picture. I was a kid who had divorced parents and I never called any of my step parents mom (dad married a lot)--they were always a nickname special to them, or by their first name as I got older. Sometimes I might refer to her as mom in a birthday card or christmas card like Dear Mom and Dad---but NEVER to her face. This pisses me off and I am not sure if I am right or not on this. Do I have a right to be mad? These two kids are mine--and they are of impressionable age 14 and 10. Besides I think the guy is a flak so I am not even so sure what type of role model he could ever be. So what do you think?
sugarplum Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 First I am a stepmom. I think your children are well old enough to know this person is NOT their "dad" and never will be. Especially the 14 y.o. In my state, when you get your custody/visitation papers from the courts, there is a page attached with guidelines (every other holidays, maintaining communication and not communicating through the kids, etc.) and in it is specifically states that parents are not to encourage or allow the children to call a stepparent mom or dad. It is great if everyone gets along, its better in the long run for everyone, so you dont want to get to angry about it and cause problems. But this is inappropriate. One of my stepdaughters (long ago, as we no longer speak now - addressed in another thread) at age 8 started calling me "mom". Well, this infuriated her mother (understandably-and probably the cause of our problems now). So I told the stepdaughter that I appreciated that she thought of me fondly, but out of respect for her mother - she shouldn't call me mom. Sounds like your ex is not doing this. I do know of 2 other families where this happens and everyone is fine with it. Not me! My kids better not ever call someone else "Mom!" I would talk to the ex, if possible. And also talk to your kids, explaining that you are the dad and you will not be replaced. If you have a good relationship and they know this hurts you, they will respect that. 10 and 14 is old enough. And chances are, they really dont want to call this person "dad" anyway. Encourage a new, KIND, pet name - not assklown!
Outcast Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Some former spouses do that to wound you. Your kids might do it when she's around but don't worry, they know who their dad is. I never called my stepmom 'mom'.
whichwayisup Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 If everybody is in agreement (meaning you too Jus wonderin') that the kids call their stepdad "dad" then that's OK! But, obviously that isn't the case as you're posting here... I think you need to talk to your ex and explain to her that it really hurts you that YOUR children might call another man dad. To be honest, I don't understand WHY the stepfather wants YOUR kids to call him dad. Isn't his first name good enough? (Sorry, your ex wants her kids to call him dad) That's not only going to confuse the kids, but it will also make them feel pressured. how are your interactions with your ex in general? Encourage a new, KIND, pet name - not assklown! LOL trust me, I'm sure if the kids don't like him, they'll pick out their own nickname for him and it won't be as nice as assklown! (sorry OP, I am just making a joke, I don't mean to make fun of your situation. I'm sure this is hard on you)
933KJL Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Hey JW--I am with you. The step dad should have ZERO input to what the kids call him. If their mom is insisting, I have to wonder, but if it is coming from him--it would be worse. Sounds like your ex and her new hubby are on a megolomaniacal path to control these kids. Just be sure that the purple Kool-Aid drinks are individually wrapped and the safety seal is in tact. (said with a lot of humor, but with a medium dose fo concern)
arthur200 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I'm a fairly recent step dad myself. I've now got 2 step kids who are 7 and 9. I have told them both that they can call me whatever they like (so long as it isn't rude), and they both flip between calling me Dad and my first name. I have to say it's a huge compliment to be refered to as Dad, but uncomfortable at the same time.. I didn't donate my DNA to their bodies, but I AM offering them guidance in their daily lives, taking them to school, making sure they brush their teeth properly, tending to cuts and bruises, etc... all duties that match the Dad title. We've had some big problems with their birth father. He cannot bear that he doesn't have the input he used to. But unfortunately that changed for good when his relationship with the kids mum ended. He's not a nice man and has even given me and my other half death threats... How he thinks that letting the kids see and hear that sort of behaviour will help their personal development i don't know.!!!
Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 My ex wife just remarried and obviously she wants to integrate this new assklown into her life and to an extent the kids lives. THey are with her part time. She just informed me that she told MY kids that they now have 2 "Daddys" that both love them. SHe has known this guy for maybe two years, and he has only been introduced to them in the last 9 months--less time than it took to bear them. I hate this. I AM THEIR DADDY. He is AssKlown--or whatever his name is. Why is she trying to confuse the kids? Replace me? I mean he cannot adopt them--I am still in the picture. I was a kid who had divorced parents and I never called any of my step parents mom (dad married a lot)--they were always a nickname special to them, or by their first name as I got older. Sometimes I might refer to her as mom in a birthday card or christmas card like Dear Mom and Dad---but NEVER to her face. This pisses me off and I am not sure if I am right or not on this. Do I have a right to be mad? These two kids are mine--and they are of impressionable age 14 and 10. Besides I think the guy is a flak so I am not even so sure what type of role model he could ever be. So what do you think? you def have right to be mad!!!!!!1 and the kids being 10 and 14 is actually on your side, cuz no matter what anyone tells them, they love you and are old enough to make judgments on their own, you arent going to be replaced or out a their life, just wont happen, they love you. i would like to bitch slap you x for saying that to them, she should say this is my bf and he will be your step dad , you can call him joe if you like, not 'this is your dad, he loves you" bs how does she know he loves them, i just read a post where a girl was ambivilant about bf kids, read that. F that, you should be mad, i am!!! you shoudl be mad, and i wouldnt worry though those kids arent going to be that impressionable, even if the Beatch told them lies to try and turn them on you it wouldnt work, they are old enough to know whats true. grrrrrrrrrrrrr not ok
P1xie Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I am not married but have been with my bf for six years. He use to always try to push his son to call me mommy. I told him to stop it. 1. He already has a mother 2. It's wrong to force a child to call someone mom/dad if it they aren't. I think he only wanted him to call me that because he has to call his step dad Daddy Jamie. I think it bothers my bf that his son calls another man Dad and it would be a bit of revenge if his son would refer to me as mommy. Not going to happen. I'm not comfortable with it at all and obviously since his son on his own free will does not call me mom isn't either. BTW he's 10 now. I can be his friend but never his mother. So my first name suits me just fine.
tinktronik Posted July 28, 2006 Posted July 28, 2006 I went through this one , my ex H had the kids refering to their step-mom as their real mom. I was infuriated. He used the excuse that she too took them to school ,,,ect....The courts put a stop to it , it is in fact a violation of most divorce decrees , if it makes you uncomfortable act on it.She does not just get to replace you with a new Dad , if she does not want to be married to you or for you to be their father then she should not have had kids with you.
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