Sup Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Ok, just a question to throw out there. We've all heard the part about how a spouse goes out and has an affair, treats other spouse like crap, lies, cheats and steals, yada yada yada. Then when they are found out or confess, they're like OH sooo sorry and all. My question is if they are sooo sorry and all, then why did they have the affair in the first place? People know in advance what it will do, but it's like it doesn't matter. To me, sounds like things are getting DEEP! (I need BOOTS!)
Guest Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 In my personal experience sorry was bs. I think my h said it because he didn't know what else to say. He wasn't sorry and I know that now because he left me for the OW. Sorry isn't words it is actions. Sorry is making things right and not continuing the same deceit and lies. Sorry is working at why you did what you did to be sorry in the first place.
sugarplum Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Ok, just a question to throw out there. We've all heard the part about how a spouse goes out and has an affair, treats other spouse like crap, lies, cheats and steals, yada yada yada. Then when they are found out or confess, they're like OH sooo sorry and all. My question is if they are sooo sorry and all, then why did they have the affair in the first place? People know in advance what it will do, but it's like it doesn't matter. To me, sounds like things are getting DEEP! (I need BOOTS!) My guess is that it is the same reason why a shoplifter is sorry in front of the judge. They didn't plan on getting caught! My question would be: are they sorry for the pain they have caused, or are they sorry they got caught causing the pain and now have to face up to it (and the guilt) to those they hurt? Or are they sorry that the double life they were leading may now be over and life will change for them? IMHO. Or are they sorry they ignored their Jiminy Cricket who told them what the right thing to do was? ~Always let your conscience be your guide.
harleygirl92156 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 They don't feel bad for what they did, they are not sorry for what they did, they feel bad they got caught.
sylviaguardian Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I think a lot of WS are sorry: sorry for getting caught, sorry for messing up their lives and maybe sorry for the hurt they caused. But IMO it's easy to feel sorry. I could plan to play a joke on someone and then when it backfires and someone gets hurt, feel sorry I did it. But what would be much more telling would be if I felt guilt or shame. That would mean I had gone away and really thought about how I had made that person feel and how my behaviour at that time did not match up to the person I want to be. That would be what would make me vow NEVER to do that again. In my case, my WS has said sorry so many times..but I've never seen indication that he feels guilt or shame at what he did. He simply does not process at that level.
grateful Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I'm not sure how much this will help the BS in here because my experience was limited (just a kiss, some phone contact, nothing that I would call an EA because I enjoyed the flirtation not the connection) but I was, am and will always be sorry. I guess this might not help because I got out in the nick of time because I am sorry. But then again, I got out in the nick of time because I am a relatively strong person. I have my weaknesses, that's how I got into this mess - my weaknesses. It really is more about me the WS, then it ever was my SO, the BS. I could see how a WS's weaknesses could take them down the path of an affair where they still love their spouse and are incredibly sorry. My advice? If the WS is showing you they are sorry, they mean it. If they are just saying it, maybe they are sorry they got caught. But I am incredibly sorry I ever let it get as far as I did. And I'm sorry that I hurt my SO. And if your WS is showing you all of this believe it, as hard as it might be.
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