dayumYo Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Hey all, I am 21 years old, on summer break before my last semester of college, and working part time. I have been with my current girlfriend for about 3 years since meeting her in college. When we met, we were both in year+ relationships with other people, but basically broke up because we had so much chemistry and wanted to pursue it. She is a very beautiful girl, petite 5'2" 105lbs, Asian, lovely curves, and I am extremely attracted to her. She jsut turned 24. We have a lot in common as far as ideals, hobbies, and general views go, and make each other laugh too. From the very beggining she has been a little more verbal about her feelings than me. She seems to be one step ahead of where I am, and what I'm content with in the relationship. We've broken up for a few months before because I felt kind of cramped and wanted to be on my own for a while to indulge in single life. But while I was single I really found myself missing her and not caring to do all the "single things" I wanted when we were together. When we got back together things were much stronger and we were both very happy, but now 7 months later I'm starting to have doubts again. She talks about getting married and moving in together, and while I am not holding out for something better in a wife, I really don't want to settle down just yet. She is not asking me to do these things, but she expresses that its her hope to happen one day with me. The solution seems simple; that I should be single again til I'm ready to settle down... but my dilemma is that I really think she is wife material and we could be happy together... and I don't want to risk losing her forever just to have some more single and free time now. On the other hand part of me wants to party it up, hang out with my friends more, and even meet girls too. Its making me feel guilty when I'm around her and she showers me with love, but I am feeling unsure of things. I do love her, and treat her well, but I just feel bad inside knowing that I'm not into the relationship as much as she is. I know that a wonderful well rounded soul mate is more valuable, but what I want right now is a frivilous, indulgent lifestyle. Like I said though, I don't want to be kicking myself later on for having let her go and find someone else to marry. Have any of you been in a similar situation? Or have any advice for me? If you need to know something else so you can answer better just ask... thanks
Winfield Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Well, from your post it seems as though you guys aren't exactly on the same "page" as it were... Your girlfriend has basically laid her cards on the table, letting you know of all her hopes and dreams for the future... And you'd like that too...except for the reason that you'd like to "live a little" before you settle down for good. Hmmm - a tough one! Well, all I can suggest is that you can't have it all, all the time. OK, so you broke up before, which gave you some time to do what you wanted (ie, take a bit of time out to lead a single life)...but do you really think your girlfriend would be willing to take you back with open arms for a second time, knowing that you're out there meeting new girls? Question: for want of a better phrase, is this a case of you "finding yourself"? My way of thinking is that, OK, suppose she did allow for you to live your single life again, and then get back together a few months down the line - but, how long would it be before you're yearning for that third instalment of the "single life"? You've got to have a cut off point at some stage for settling down properly, otherwise the relationship is doomed to failure... Remember - it takes 2 for a relationship to work, and that the workload in maintaining it should be split 50/50. But, as I stated at the beginning of my post, at the moment I don't think you're both on the same "page"... Perhaps this is a case of meeting the right person, but at the wrong time? *shrug* But, remember also, that your "departure" can work both ways - if you break up to have a bit of temporary singledom, I'd be very surprised if your girlfriend didn't use her newly acquired singledom to find someone else! It sounds as though you've got a keeper in your current girlfriend , but, if you both don't feel the same about a committed relationship, then I can't see how your relationship can progress smoothly. Anyhow, good luck!
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