Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 My girlfriend broke up with me after a 4 year relationship just over a month ago, we'd been having problems for a while and everything came to a head and she decided to end and shortly after proposed a six month 'break' where we'd be free to do our own thing, see other people etc etc. I agreed to this and agreed that we'd meet up when we're free and since then we've emailed/texted and seen each other on a couple of occasions since (each time resulting in sex which made me feel awful afterwards as it dawned on me that seemed to be all it was). I'm very confused about whether or not the six month break is genuine and she's just not viewed it as an easy (it's anything but that's for sure!) way to let me and herself down gently - my point being that surely if you love someone and want to be with them then you work through your problems together...? I get this nagging voice telling me she's just waiting for someone to come along to replace me and then that's me high & dry after hanging on and believing everything would work out The stupid thing is that I don't actually think that it's cool we get back together as I know that a break is the only way to gain independence and give each other space but on the other hand I miss her so much and want us to try and work through everything together whist still retaining the independence we have both gained since apart. I feel so much better in myself as I've tried to keep myself busy by seeing friends, working out and just giving myself some TLC but I still think about her all the time and just need some closure. My head says NC all the way and it's mad to keep seeing her and then setting myself back a week but my heart is saying something else. I've read so many posts saying NC all the way but I'm so torn. Help!
zep52 Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 If you love her, and really want it to work then you must go with your heart, the head will always find reasons why you shouldn't, but your heart will drive you to do what you will ultimately do so , in my humble opinion, Follow your heart....
julieg Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 had similar experience almost identical. i asked for a break because i knew that it was either get engaged in the next 12-18 mos or break up. so we had the 6 mos break too. during the break we contacted minimally, the ball was in my court so to speak. this accomplished 2 things: letting him down easy and helping me cope with the loss as i really loved him. i did some very casual dating, very minimal at that. but he hooked up exclusively with someone very similar to me. i was very much aware of what he was up to thru friends etc. i was very irritated- but i had no right to be as this what what i asked for right?! now my point: she may really love you but it isn't the right time in her life for you to be THE ONE. if you really love her you may have to wait for her to grow and reach the point where she is satified that you are the person she ultimately wants to stay with. this could be a long time!!!!
BrandonBP Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 she may really love you but it isn't the right time in her life for you to be THE ONE. if you really love her you may have to wait for her to grow and reach the point where she is satified that you are the person she ultimately wants to stay with. this could be a long time!!!! Geez... are you my ex?! This sounds like the exact words I've been hearing. She truly loves me and misses me but she can't be with me right now. She needs to "grow." What does the "I need to grow" line mean? I haven't understood.
BrandonBP Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 If you love her, and really want it to work then you must go with your heart, the head will always find reasons why you shouldn't, but your heart will drive you to do what you will ultimately do so , in my humble opinion, Follow your heart.... Zep, you've really touched on the very thing I have been dealing with. I know the "right thing" to do in my head, but I've chosen to follow my heart. I've decided that I would forever regret knowing that I had a chance to make the effort to get my ex back but was following my "head" and let her go.
zep52 Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Its gotta be that way, when she leaves your heart, she will leave your head, but it doesn't work the other way round, take my word for it, i have the same problem, we have split up several times now, my head tells me it can never work, but my heart will not let her go, people i know say i am a fool for having her back for her to only leave me again, my head says "yep they are right" but my heart knows it can work, and one day she is going to listen to her heart instead of her head, and then i truly believe that we will make it...
BatteredByLove Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Zep52, im in the same boat too. Every single one of my friends tell me that I'm stupid for falling for her, that she's a total bitch 50% of the time and more so to me, and my head tells me that too. But my heart says otherwise, somehow, somewhere, inside my heart, it's telling me that I should keep on waiting for her, cause sooner or later, she'll "grow up" and see me for who I really am... I just home it's more sooner than later....
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