JackJack Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Lets say you in a situation with someone who continusly does things to hurt you and the relationship over and over again, and after time has passed they come to you and say they are sorry, only to continue the same behavior before telling you they were sorry, are really sorry for the things they do/have done? It would seem to me if someone was truly sorry for the things they do, they wouldn't keep doing them over and over again. Do others agree? Do you feel they are really sorry and maybe can't help their behaviors, or do you think they are not really sorry and thats why they continue to do the things they do, and they say "sorry" just as a temporary fix for things?
laRubiaBonita Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 EUREKA!!!! yes, that is why they say they are sorry. If they meant it, behaviours would change..... meaning (imo) that the person recognized what the problem was, and has remorse enough to change.
Pink Amulet Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 People usually only apologise when they are caught out on something. This descredits their sincerity.
Author JackJack Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 EUREKA!!!! yes, that is why they say they are sorry. If they meant it, behaviours would change..... meaning (imo) that the person recognized what the problem was, and has remorse enough to change. Yeah I agree. I have some friends who are like this. They are in a bad situation, and her husband is a jerk to her over and over again, only for him to say he is sorry, and will change, but 2 days later displays the same crappy behaviors towards her. Pisses me off in away but then again she allows it I guess. I feel like saying to her sometimes, "How many times does he have to say he is sorry and that he is gonna change before you truly see that he is not."
a4a Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I call these kind of people: SORRY ASS REPEAT OFFENDERS and they repeat the behavior the third time and I say to them: "Get your sorry ass out the door" You have to have limits.
Pink Amulet Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 As they say, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on you.
Author JackJack Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 I call these kind of people: SORRY ASS REPEAT OFFENDERS and they repeat the behavior the third time and I say to them: "Get your sorry ass out the door" You have to have limits. I agree with this as well, however in my friends case, I think his wife doesn't have limits. Or maybe she does but just doesn't know how to get out of the situation maybe. I love them to death I really do, but she will come to me and my fiancee and tell us her troubles and what he has done this time, and be very upset saying she knows she needs to leave etc etc. Then call my fiancee the very next day saying he said he was sorry and she seems happy for the moment that he said "sorry" only for things to go back the way they were a few days before.
a4a Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I agree with this as well, however in my friends case, I think his wife doesn't have limits. Or maybe she does but just doesn't know how to get out of the situation maybe. I love them to death I really do, but she will come to me and my fiancee and tell us her troubles and what he has done this time, and be very upset saying she knows she needs to leave etc etc. Then call my fiancee the very next day saying he said he was sorry and she seems happy for the moment that he said "sorry" only for things to go back the way they were a few days before. Are these the money borrowing people????? You know you may have to be blunt with them if it is getting on your nerves. Just tell her.... I really like you, I hate to see you this way, but I am finding it hard to deal with your complaints. Or find some new friends........ I tell ya, I just had this talk with my H a couple of days ago. We have some toxic "friends", they argue, complain, wife screams in public. I told him it is rubbing off on him as well and it does effect our life. He started to cop a kinda whiney ass attitude for a bit just like his friends. Not a good thing at all.
Author JackJack Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 Are these the money borrowing people????? You know you may have to be blunt with them if it is getting on your nerves. Just tell her.... I really like you, I hate to see you this way, but I am finding it hard to deal with your complaints. Or find some new friends........ I tell ya, I just had this talk with my H a couple of days ago. We have some toxic "friends", they argue, complain, wife screams in public. I told him it is rubbing off on him as well and it does effect our life. He started to cop a kinda whiney ass attitude for a bit just like his friends. Not a good thing at all. No these aren't the money grubber friends. This is a whole nother set. We need new friends I tell ya. They are more of my fiancees friends than mine, and I know we all have issues from time to time, but damn. Toxic indeed. I know that my fiancee is there for them but shes not as close to them as she once was. I think she feels they have pretty much ran her off because of the way they act. I always thought we would be or could a positive influence over them maybe if they saw how we act/are, (which we are not perfect by no means) but I do feel we both set pretty good examples, that maybe that would help them out some, but it doesn't. I'm starting to think they like this life. Thats ugly of me to say, but one has to wonder sometimes why things continue if they are so sick of it.
a4a Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 No these aren't the money grubber friends. This is a whole nother set. We need new friends I tell ya. They are more of my fiancees friends than mine, and I know we all have issues from time to time, but damn. Toxic indeed. I know that my fiancee is there for them but shes not as close to them as she once was. I think she feels they have pretty much ran her off because of the way they act. I always thought we would be or could a positive influence over them maybe if they saw how we act/are, (which we are not perfect by no means) but I do feel we both set pretty good examples, that maybe that would help them out some, but it doesn't. I'm starting to think they like this life. Thats ugly of me to say, but one has to wonder sometimes why things continue if they are so sick of it. Some people thrive on drama in their Rs........ like my postings about the kitchen chicken. Funny thing is that you may not realize it or try to deny it until it becomes so obvious they are having a negative effect on your own life. You probably feel bad for them and want to help.....but some people do like having mountains of bulls*** in their life. To each their own. Nip it in the bud and be blunt or ease back on spending any time with them.
Author JackJack Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 Some people thrive on drama in their Rs........ like my postings about the kitchen chicken. Funny thing is that you may not realize it or try to deny it until it becomes so obvious they are having a negative effect on your own life. You probably feel bad for them and want to help.....but some people do like having mountains of bulls*** in their life. To each their own. Nip it in the bud and be blunt or ease back on spending any time with them. Will do. I feel life can be tough and stressful enough, I don't need added BS from people who wont get off the pot.
a4a Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Well Jack my H and I can be your new friends... besides my brain tumor and overwhelming need to shove Taters up peoples asses that piss me off..... we are pretty normal and have positive energy I just saw an article about how people today have less friends than back in the days of OLDE...... blamed it on work schedules and commutes. I think there are just more a**h***s out and about and not as many people that will make good friends to choose from. People are too focused on themselves and create their own problems. Life is short..... live happy.
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