Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Two weekends ago there was a work BBQ that we were going too. This girl from his work called 1st to see if he could drive her ( she didn't think I was going. I was going to stay home for some alone time) because she has no air in her car. Then she called again on our way out to the BBQ to see if he would pick something up for her at the store. I told him one she is not driving with us and two you better not pick anything up for her unless you like her. I said by even taking her calls you are telling her it is okay to call. Once we got to the party she was very RUDE to me and her kids too. I didn't care I said whatever if she wants to be that way. On the way home my husband said how he notice how rude she was and didn't understand. I said because she likes you. My husband said he didn't think she was flirting with him but can see now that she was. He told me she would touch him and joke around with him. Always looking for a way to grab him. Now she asking him if he wants to by stuff from her. Like her old bedroom set. When I bring it up my husband acts likes he doesn't care about her but at the BBQ right before she left she was very upset about to cry. The only thing I could think of was now she knows she has no chance. But do you think she was upset that he didn't really talk to her? When we first got there he said hi and told her who I was but after that he didn't talk to her at all. What are you thoughts??
babydoll_mimi Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 i could be wrong, but perhaps something is already going on between them, and the reason she was so upset and near tears isn't because she doesn't have a chance w/ him, but maybe she doesnt havea chance of him leaving you...
Buttaflyy Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Could be what babydoll said, but if I were you I would keep an eye on her (and him) and next time maybe strike a conversation with her. She might have had something to tell you that could explain her actions. I hope it's not what it seems. Good luck to you.
a4a Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 well sounds like could be either situation..... but she got burned at the BBQ for sure. I hope he is sticking with NC with her? At least outside of work? He may not be aware of her feelings towards him, I have been in that situation before and totally oblivious to it. Don't beat him over the head about it if he is indeed taking the proper steps to shake loose of her.
Sami_D Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 My thoughts are... You would get a better response if you hadn't posted this in the OW forum.. maybe 'Infidelity'?
Pink Amulet Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Wow! Sami_D I am sure it was an honest mistake. The moderators could move it if they see fit. There is no need to be such a thread nazi (refering to your rude comment on my thread). Just lighten up a bit.
Sami_D Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I am also sure it was an honest mistake. I was being helpful? eta: although there has been a slight amount of MOD action around here in the past day or so, that's far from the norm.
Guest Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Okay I put this question in the infidelity forum and got no answers. The reason I put it here was because I though the OW's out here might be able to help me. Anyone else have any thoughts?
Sami_D Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Still no replies in Infidelity? I suggested you put it there because in the (dim and distant) past, when I used to read there, I've seen several threads from Wives and Husbands asking for input on whether their spouse might be cheating. They've generally got quite a few good responses. Could you change the title, to make it evident that that is what you think is happening? (that is what you think, isn't it, or am I misreading?)
stillafool Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I have to think if this woman was to the brink of tears - there's something going on. I can't see her getting that upset if it's just casual. I would definitely keep an eye on both of them. In the meantime I would start fighting for my husband right away. Give him all the sex he can handle and when you send him off to work in the morning, kiss him passionately and make some joke so he's laughing when he leaves. You will be surprised what this will do.
silktricks Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I have to think if this woman was to the brink of tears - there's something going on. I can't see her getting that upset if it's just casual. I would definitely keep an eye on both of them. In the meantime I would start fighting for my husband right away. Give him all the sex he can handle and when you send him off to work in the morning, kiss him passionately and make some joke so he's laughing when he leaves. You will be surprised what this will do. Great plan even if there's NOTHING going on!! P.S. Guest, you'd probably get more response on the infidelity forum if the heading of your post was similar to the heading here on the OW/OM forum.
Magister Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 My thoughts? I think you blew it. She called wanting a ride because her a/c isn't working? Heck yeah he can give you a ride. Go with him. Get her sit up front where the air is cool. You know how hard not having A/C is. You can only imagine how stressful it must be to have to try to raise kids facing those challenges. Talk to her. Draw her out of her shell. Flatter her. Monopolize her time. She needs someone to buy her bedroom set, throw a yard sale and invite her over. Hopefully she is just a gold-digger with a lot of problems in her life. If she really just wants someone to help her through the problems, help her out yourself. She'll probably go away when she no longer needs you. On the other hand, if she really is attracted to your husband and she is emotional, romantic, "in love" with him, you've really got a lot of work to do. You can get rid of her by redirecting her attention onto another man or by making your husband look undesirable. Otherwise, unless your husband strongly dislikes her, she will eventually break through his defenses. It doesn't matter how much sex you are giving him; he'd have to be head over heels about you to turn her down. So don't tell your husband what to do. As long as she is nice to him and you are bossy, he is going to like her more than you.
Guest Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Okay a few more things. One- I take very good care of myself. I always look nice when he comes home from work. I lost all my baby weight and then some. I am smaller now then before we were married. I am ALWAYS up for sex with him. He knows I will do everything and anything. We don't go without it for very long. Two -when I got to the party not to sound stuck up or mean but she was way bigger then me. Her feet were dirty because she had no shoes on. ( I mean if I liked a guy and knew he was on his way I would wash up my feet and try to look nice) Her hair was full of sweat and her face was all red with sweat coming down. Three-when she came up to us to say hi. She put her hands on my husband and was talking to him with a flirt. You know what I am talking about? She would grab him or try to get eye contact. She did it a few times and each time I just sat there with a big smile. I thought she would be more mad to not get a reaction out of me. I think it worked because then I really didn't see to much of her. But is that why she was upset? Him not talking to her as much as he would of. I have to say once she did leave I notice my husband was different. I asked what is up and he said OMG I really didn't think she liked me but I guess you were right. Then a few days after that he told me she would grab his butt or look for way to rub up next to him. OKay how would you not know then that someone likes you. Yes I have been around my husband for 18 years and know he doesn't get it when a girl flirts but she was rubbing him. HELLO now even a rock would know that. RIGHT?? I just don't know what to think. I mean this girls doesn't seem all that great to me. I would think she would be so hot and then I would understand it better I guess.
zarathustra Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 My xMM's wife bought him a new wedding band... it was a real good 'f*** off bitch, he's mine' way of branding him. Too bad it didn't work though, he is back in contact with me telling me how he regrets going home. Bah, there's always pain and turmoil in these circumstances. If I were you, I would have a frank discussion with your H and tell him to be honest with you. That is the least you deserve. If she is calling him on his personal time and on a non business line asking for personal favours, then she is pretty brazen about exposing her relationship with him. I have not once even called my xMM's home unless its for business purposes. Good luck!
target-d Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Two weekends ago there was a work BBQ that we were going too. This girl from his work called 1st to see if he could drive her ( she didn't think I was going. I was going to stay home for some alone time) because she has no air in her car. Then she called again on our way out to the BBQ to see if he would pick something up for her at the store. I told him one she is not driving with us and two you better not pick anything up for her unless you like her. I said by even taking her calls you are telling her it is okay to call. ........................ When I bring it up my husband acts likes he doesn't care about her but at the BBQ right before she left she was very upset about to cry. The only thing I could think of was now she knows she has no chance. But do you think she was upset that he didn't really talk to her? When we first got there he said hi and told her who I was but after that he didn't talk to her at all. quote] It sounds to me like the woman is infatuated with your husband, and is trying to start something. Your husband has probably been friendly with her, and up to now was simply not aware of her attraction to him (men can be remarkably obtuse at times). She was probably all hopeful that the picnic would present an opportunity for creating a relationship. BTW, that means that you need to be all sweetness and light, not all jealous and clingy. You've let your husband know of your concerns, now let him know that you love and trust him (while keeping your eyes open for suspicious behavior.) But don't bring it up anymore - you could create the situation you don't want. Good luck.
a4a Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Yes I have been around my husband for 18 years and know he doesn't get it when a girl flirts but she was rubbing him. HELLO now even a rock would know that. RIGHT?? I just don't know what to think. I mean this girls doesn't seem all that great to me. I would think she would be so hot and then I would understand it better I guess. Ok I have to say there is a flip side to this..... I am not your H but pretty dumb when it comes to people hitting on me as well. I had something recently happen and has been happening to me for probably a year that is similar and was totally oblivious that a person might have feeling towards me. Again I say might because I still don't believe it 100%. All the signs are there, I do see them if I look from the outside..... but still think to myself "Nahhhhh, couldn't be true"........ so perhaps your H is kinda in the same mindset I was or still am in?? But from an outside view this is true and not to be cruel but I got a feeling this woman has some serious issues under it all..... I would not doubt if drama were in your near future if it continues. Boo Hooing at a BBQ is kinda weird along with all the rubbin and the butt grabs.... your H needs to nip it in the bud..... but either way I see drama in your future from her.
livingwithit Posted June 29, 2006 Posted June 29, 2006 Maybe we could all be a little honest with ourselves here. We all have one thing in common....we want the other person to ourselves! W or OW...H or OM we all want the same thing. I hope all works out well for you...I was the OW and didn't know it. I really do feel bad for his W. It has nothing to do with her or I, he's the one with the problem. I've been on both sides of the fence is sucks all the way around. I believe you should be the wife you know you should be and pay close attention to what's going on. As it is your responsiblilty to meet the needs of your H, it is also his responsiblity to let you know if he has needs that aren't being met. There is no justification for infidelity!
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