Pink Amulet Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 ... It was last night. It was absolutely incredible sex. He is only the second man I have ever been with (I just ended a five year relationship). We were so excited and turned on by eachother and already arranging our next 'date', and he said "okay- there is something I need to tell you... and I hope this is okay with you... I am married". I have been in shock for the past half an hour and for the first time on Love Shack, I have been browsing this mm/mw section... I didn't reply. He has been incessantly calling me. I can't talk to him until I know what to say. I don't know why I won't just tell him to f*ck off. I don't know him very well, but he seemed like someone I could really have a nice time with... he just seemed like everything I want in a man, except he is someone elses. I have been cheated on, and my father had an affair while married to my mother. I hate infedility, and I have always been an advocate for taking the moral high road... my question... Why do I feel like I want to see him again? p.s I don't expect him to leave his wife, and wouldn't want that. I just feel this sick and twisted thrilling feeling. Please someone talk some sense in to me. I am also only 20... I am not sure if this bares any relevance.
justagirliegirl Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Ok I'll try to talk some sense into you. He didn't reveal that he was married until after you slept with him. What a jerk! He started things out with a very big lie! Maybe the reason you want to see him again is because the sex was really good and you are a bit lonely? Look through LS and read about the misery the OW and BS have when mixed up with these pathetic lying cheating jerks! Put yourself in his wife's shoes for a minute. How would you feel? This is a prime opportunity to nip this in the bud. There are plenty of other wondeful single men who would adore you and love to spend time with you! You don't have to settle for another woman's scraps.
magichands Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 ... he just seemed like everything I want in a man, except he is someone elses. Except that he is a cheater? Maybe you are soulmates, and he realises now that he's met you that he doesn't really love his wife? Sorry - that last sentence was a bit insensitive. (Yes, I know my keyboard has a backspace key.) Well, you know what you should do - I guess. Are you feeling like you aren't "strong" enough to do it??!!??!! P.S. justagirliegirl is RIGHT ON. Totally what she said.
amerikajin Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 You don't have to say anything. Let your actions speak for themselves - he'll figure it out. You feel thrilled because he turned you on. You were attracted to him sexually, and that gets the best of anyone at times. It's important to see things for the way they are: the chances of his leaving you are so slim as to be almost none. Why would a man go through the hassle and drama of a divorce if he can get some nookie on the side and still keep everything quiet and stable on the home front? That's how affairs work, Amulet. The men who orchestrate them almost never intend to leave their wives; they usually do it as a means of temporary escape.
sassiex Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Firstly he should of told u fromthe word go that he was married!! how old is he?? the best advise i can give you is , dont see him again ! the rollercoaster ride you will embark on is not worth it! wish i stopped mine before it began.......10 months on......so in love and so in pain...see now i cant stop !! only wish i could x good luck;)
amerikajin Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 edit previous posts: the chances of his leaving her for you. p.s. loveshack, this new editing procedure is goofy. most sites allow you to go back and edit. if something is objectionable, be it an edit or not, just deal with it as it comes up. (rant over)
bab Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Get out while the getting is good. Not even taking into consideration the moral issues on your part for being involved with a married man, you are in for a world of hurt if you don't let it go. You are infatuated with him now, but honestly, the sex was probably great because he was someone new. It doesn't mean it will stay that way. And better yet, you shouldn't have a difficult time finding someone else for which the sex is also good. I know how it is when there is a guy that you've got these passionate feeling for. It's hard to remember that there are other guys out there as well. But, that's just biology. Your body is making your mind feel what it's suppossed to in order to help the species along. Unfortunately it doesn't have a "oh crap, he's married" off switch. You've gotta realize that it's all just biology and while you might not have the ability to turn off the "connection" that you feel, you do have the rest of your brain intact. Use it.
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 Thank you everyone- thanks especially to you bab. My best friend just came over and her words as well as all of yours have woken me up. Now I feel guilty, and sad for his betrayed wife. Even though I didn't know, I still slept with him Thank you so much for your quick replies everyone. I will not be answering his calls from here on. I am so thankful for this site. If it wern't for my concious awakening I might have been willing to go along for the thrilling ride.
zarathustra Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 you want to see him because you are addicted to him. But you don't love him. He lied to you by not telling you his status. If you knew he was married, would you have done it? Probably not. If my xMM told me he was just in it for the thrill and that he is not leaving his wife, I would have told him NO FREAKIN' WAY!! But he told me over and over how he and his wife is done. He even moved in with me before anything happened between us. He told his W that he was leaving for me which makes me the OW, I guess and then he went home!! Now he's back and we'll start NC tomorrow. Today is our 'anniversary'. Sucks.
KittenMoon Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Thank you everyone- thanks especially to you bab. My best friend just came over and her words as well as all of yours have woken me up. Now I feel guilty, and sad for his betrayed wife. Even though I didn't know, I still slept with him Thank you so much for your quick replies everyone. I will not be answering his calls from here on. I am so thankful for this site. If it wern't for my concious awakening I might have been willing to go along for the thrilling ride. You're only 20, Pink? You seem like a much more mature individual. Anyways, you are obviously smart AND hot. A liar and a cheat doesn't deserve you, even casually, and I think you have made a very intelligent and mature decision to walk away from this guy.
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 s***- He just sent me an sms and said he needs to see me and is coming to my house. For gods sake. I just ended one episode of bulls*** drama in my life. I don't need this. I told him to stay away and go home to his wife. He said he just needs to see me face to face to talk about it and apologise and then he will leave me alone. s***- I know if I see him, I will want him...
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 Thank you Kitten. Not so intelligent that I am about to see him outside my house ...... !!!!!!!!!!!
zarathustra Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 s***- He just sent me an sms and said he needs to see me and is coming to my house. For gods sake. I just ended one episode of bulls*** drama in my life. I don't need this. I told him to stay away and go home to his wife. He said he just needs to see me face to face to talk about it and apologise and then he will leave me alone. s***- I know if I see him, I will want him... Sounds like the making of a stalker... tell him no. If he doesn't respect that, then you will know that he doesn't respect you.
Ladyjane14 Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 You ought to be super p*ssed off right about now. There shouldn't be any question in your mind that this guy is a total jackass. Telling you that he's married AFTER THE FACT.... is utterly disrespectful. He must think you just fall into bed with every guy you meet. His action tells you that he believes you are indiscriminate with your partners and that you won't mind. When you add it up, his words might be honeyed and applied liberally to your vanity, but by his actions.... he just treated you like some kind of slutty play-toy. Don't be fooled. p.s. loveshack, this new editing procedure is goofy. most sites allow you to go back and edit. if something is objectionable, be it an edit or not, just deal with it as it comes up. (rant over) I'm with you on that, Amerikajin. I hate it that I can't edit out my mistakes.
magichands Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Thank you Kitten. Not so intelligent that I am about to see him outside my house ...... !!!!!!!!!!! But this time you know the deal. Right?
Lizzie_D Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Tell him not to come, its over before it begins. If you let him come over, he will persuade you to have sex again, and you won't be able to help yourself. Don't embark on an affair. It is thrilling now, but after a while your feelings get stronger and it becomes torment. You will get weaker as the time goes on, and it will be harder to finish...my friend and I know this. It is absolute torment. DON'T GO THERE. It will ruin your life.
amerikajin Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Sheeze! I'd not answer the door and get prepared to call the police if you have to. This guy is crossing all sorts of lines. Without a doubt, ditch this guy. It was a mistake. It happens. Move on. Don't ever contact this guy again.
bab Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Quick! Call your girlfriend and have her come over. If she can't make it, have a neighbor, SOMEONE at your house, or on the way to your house. It will help. I bet your girlfriend will come. I know if it was any one of my friends I'd be willing to call in sick to help keeping her from making a huge mistake.
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 Sheeze! I'd not answer the door and get prepared to call the police if you have to. This guy is crossing all sorts of lines. HE IS THE POLICE!!! You will all be happy to know I SLAPPED HIM and told him if he ever contacted me again I would publish a story which would ruin his career (I could never actually do this in anyway but he believed me enough to leave) He said "I am so sorry- I just couldn't resist you" I just raised my eyebrow... He said "I should have known your morals would be too high to make me a trully happy man and let me make love to you when ever you wanted it" I slapped him. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH! You were all my virtual wake up call. That is one path I will be sure never to go down again.
Lizzie_D Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Well done, have been following this with my friend over the phone. You had such a lucky escape, wish we had of done!
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 Oh- I hope you both get out soon.
Craig Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Wow everyone gave such good advice already! The guy is a liar, looks like a potential stalker, has no respect for you, his wife or himself. What is the next "bomb" he is going to drop on you. SMS him and tell him not to come over, not to ever contact you again and if he does that you will consider it stalking and harassment and call the police just before you call the police and his wife. Just saw your post about slapping him. Good! What jerk he is and a f*cking cop too. You done good.
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 and with that... my cop fantasy is quickly dashed... lol
magichands Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Well, to be fair it was a path you didn't know you were taking. Quite an emotional rollercoaster.
MarnieGirl Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 HE IS THE POLICE!!! He said "I am so sorry- I just couldn't resist you" He said "I should have known your morals would be too high to make me a trully happy man and let me make love to you when ever you wanted it" ew. what a tool.
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