Was it the right decision?

[Guest]

We just broke up - I guess it was mutual - the other night.

 

We've been dating a little over a year, I'm in late 20's he's in mid 30's. He has got to be the best boyfriend I've ever had - just amazing in the way he has treated me. We were really falling in love and started talking about the future, etc.... until I went back to Italy for the umpteenth time (alone) to visit family - and I realized with overwhelming emotion that I had to live out a suppressed dream - to live in Italy. It's something I've always intended to do but have always turned back in fear. And this time - after numerous visits over the years, it just hit me that Italy is where I belong and that I can no longer ignore this calling. At the same time of this shift, the level of committment I felt towards him declined. I think it had started to decline when I couldn't get him to commit to coming on that trip with me - there was a lot of hemming and hawing on his part - I missed italy and my family so much that I went anyway.

 

I've spent the past few months in agony over what to do with my life, and what to do with this relationship. We grew distant as this was going on. I finally decided that I have to make the move now or never, so I'm going this fall for a six-month school thing there but I'm pretty likely to stay forever.

 

He has been very supportive of my need to do this, but naturally he is very sad to see me go. He is also hurt that we have become distant, and has been probably feeling impatient with me, as I have had NO clue as to what to do with our relationship and I have been pretty vague - it's hard to give clear answers when I have no clue myself. I just stopped being into him and my heart went to Italy and hasn't really come back.

 

Saturday night we had a three-hour conversation that led to us agreeing that it's over. At the beginning of the conversation I knew it definitely was over. But at the end, our whole relationship flashed before my eyes and I was really upset. I'm feeling doubtful now - did I just miss out on "the one"? Am I totally crazy for giving all of this up and moving to Italy when I don't even know what will happen in Italy? A lot of people are really shocked that we broke up - they think I'm joking when I tell them - this of course makes me feel even more stupid for letting things end - and I'm just so overwhelmed with so much stuff that I can't even think clearly about this.

 

Any insight? Did I do the wrong thing? Am I nuts? Is it OKAY when good people break up? Is it OK that I ended a relationship with a good guy?

[Diver012]

I dont think you missed out on the one. I dont think that there is a "ONE" for anyone. That may seem a little pesiistic, but its reality.

 

YOu are choosing to move to Italy because its been a life long dream. You ties to family and friends there must be overwhelming. SO overwhelming that it superseeds your desire to be with this man.

 

If you decline to go because of him, and pass this chance up, then you will regret it.

 

Life takes us in directions that are sometimes painful. As long as you are true to whats good in your heart, and your dreams, how can you go wrong?

 

It sounds to me as if you are just in two different places in life. You are in a transitional phase, and he wants to settle down. You will move on and have a wonderful life in Italy. I actually envy you.

 

I know it hurts, but time heals all wounds.

[Violet87]

Is it okay when good people break up? Yes, Absolutely

 

I agree with what was said before. It seems like life was pulling you two in different directions. It also seems like your heart is more into fulfulling your dream to go to Italy. So I say, go ahead. Naturally you will miss you bf and all the good times, but would you really be happy knowing that you missed out on a lifelong dream. I think you did the right thing, because had you two have not broken up, more resentment will build and you two will grow more distant from each other. Atleast you two broke up on good terms.