johan Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Stupid. Woman at work, always unduly cheerful. Always trying to connect with me. She's on my team. We have no manager, and I've been lead by default. I question the wisdom of stepping into such a position, but keep your eyes peeled, I'm sure there will be a thread on that some day. She IMs me today she's been reassigned to another project. I tell her Good luck. She writes back and asks why I told her Good luck, like I meant something else. I told her I meant "good luck in the new position, and I hope it goes well for you." She sends back an angry face over IM with no explanation. I say "what was wrong with what I said??" and then (clearly not serious) "Fine then I hope it goes terribly for you." Nothing back. So I get the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. Psycho. Reminds me of having a girlfriend. Sooner or later some well-intentioned comment is going to get taken the wrong way. Then the expectation is you kiss ass and "rise above it" and make everything better. Of course, I'm not going to say anything inherently nicer than what I said in the first place. So who's to say the misinterpretation won't continue? What am I, an idiot? I'm saying nothing. She can kiss her own ass. She can kiss mine! Screw that! This is the second time in two days I've been misinterpreted and fried. Fine. If you/she wants to be that way, the last thing you'll see me doing is trying to make it all better. I'm not inclined to f***ing grovel just to climb back to where I should be anyway. Guess this was a vent.
Author johan Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 This is the side of being with a woman I'm not sure I'll ever be able to take again. This concept of saying sorry when you didn't mean to do anything wrong in the first place. The concept of stepping up and soothing hurt feelings that should never have been hurt in the first place. Of explaining things that are obvious. Only to prove you care. This is what turns me off to the whole thing. I can't stomach it. I'm just feeling really pissed about it all. Maybe this is the drawback to having a sense of humor based on irony and sarcasm. Instead of maybe slapstick and simple things. If someone wants to think I mean something else, they can lay that right on me. Because I often do mean something else, and I leave it to them to figure it out.
Touche Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 You're contradicting yourself. You say you often DO mean something else. How is a person supposed to then know whether you're being straightforward of if there's another meaning (irony and sarcasm)? And I agree you shouldn't ever grovel. Just explain your meaning and carry on. It's called communicating. If the other person has a problem with it, then it's THEIR problem, not yours.
Outcast Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 She IMs me today she's been reassigned to another project. I tell her Good luck. She writes back and asks why I told her Good luck, like I meant something else. I told her I meant "good luck in the new position, and I hope it goes well for you." She sends back an angry face over IM with no explanation. I say "what was wrong with what I said??" and then (clearly not serious) "Fine then I hope it goes terribly for you." Nothing back. So I get the cold shoulder for the rest of the day. That plus the rest of your post is what drives me nuts about people in general. They make an assumption that they understand what you meant. Don't ask you for an explanation, especially if they get annoyed at what you say. Nooooo. Why ask to find out if you actually meant to offend them? Instead, get offended and then strike back at you (who never meant offense in the first place). When I rant (as I often have) about people being judge, jury, and executioner, this is exactly what I mean. WHY must people assume the worst of someone's motivations and then, rather than ask the person what was going on, just slam them. And Johan, it's not just women who do that. It's people in general. Everywhere. Even here People just seem to automatically assume malice. Nobody gives anybody the benefit of the doubt. And I don't think it's always been that way. I get the feeling that the overall level of hostility in society keeps rising - and it makes no sense to me because why leap to getting mad at someone before even finding out if they meant to make you mad?????? Your colleague clearly assumed you were being sarcastic or snarky and snarked back. It's SO tiresome when people do that.
ronnieromance Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 People just need to realize that people, in general, suck. It's no more complex than that. We are great, but we suck at the same time. -R-
KittenMoon Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 This is the side of being with a woman I'm not sure I'll ever be able to take again. This concept of saying sorry when you didn't mean to do anything wrong in the first place. The concept of stepping up and soothing hurt feelings that should never have been hurt in the first place. Of explaining things that are obvious. Only to prove you care. If you are intelligent enough to simplify it this much, what can't you just suck it up and do it, realizing that many people have stupid flaws like this, and if you love them, these frustrating bits shouldn't mean much.
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