Relationship a mess ?

[HarryH20]

Hello, I`m new to the board and would be grateful for any input.

It`s a long story(aren`t they all:( ) so I`ll give some background.

 

I`ve been with my ex for 7 1/2 years, I`m 40 her 24, we met when she was 17 and me 32. we`ve lived together for the past 5 years.

The relationship has been absolutely fantastic throughout this time, loving , caring, sharing and most of all we have always got on like a house on fire, never stuck for anything to say and always had a great laugh. we would always tell each other we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together and mean it, she was even getting upset that I`d never asked her to marry me which was often what she told her friends that that was what she would love, everybody sats we are perfect for each other including her parents.

 

Anyway,about 6 months ago, she asked if she could go on holiday with her friend(to a small holiday resort, nothing flashy) which she`d always visited as a child and where Id been to with her and her parents on numerous occasions,in fact the one she wanted us to eventually move to, she began to get upset at the thought of me not letting her go saying she needed a break from work etc, to which I replied"no problem you go"as I knew she was feeling a bit down lately(family history of that type of behaviour).

 

She went about three months ago, and she sent me a text which made me believe she was questioning our future and relationship whilst there.

 

When she returned home I could sense that something was missing with her, sometimes she`d be quiet and other times be her old chatty self which I thought may just be post holiday blues.

 

A couple of weeks ago I caught her on the phone twice in one night(after midnight) whilst I was downstairs and she was upstairs, I confronted her and she denied any wrong doing but eventually I found out whilst on holiday she had been talking to a Police Officer and they`d been keeping in touch( she has a thing for older Police officers which is how I met her, I was one myself when we met) she confessed she had feelings for him but has continued to say to me she still loves me, wanted children with me,wanted to marry me etc and that she was just totally confused with everything(in life) how she felt and thought at the moment which I sensed was true before.

 

Well I packed her backs for her yet it still took around five days for her to go(this was two weeks ago). we`ve still been going out, keeping in touch, she`s stayed over and have made love a few times during this spell, but she`s still in contact with this Police officer and she wants to go down to see him to decide,basically saying she still doesn`t know what`s happening, her head hurts its so mixed up and confused and she needs time to sort it out.

 

I`ve asked her if she is 100% sure we are over and she will not give me an answer, I`ve tried the talking telling her how good our relationship was and what a massive mistake it would be, I love her so deeply(you know the usual stuff) but it`s come to the point where she has said "she needs to find out all this for herself". and if I really loved her I`d let her do this and still be there for her when she realised the mistake.

 

She`s coming round to see me tomorrow to talk to me saying it will either make me realise I`m better off without her or realise just how messed up her head is at the moment.

 

Seems to me she`s hedging her bets, going through a seven year itch thinking the grass is greener on the other side etc but doesn`t want to lose me if it doesn`t work out ?

 

Tomorrow I aim to tell her that at present she hasn`t done nothing much wrong other than be flattered by someones attention BUT if she does go back to the resort I won`t be there for her when she gets back.

 

Any time, thoughts and advice appreciated.

[binevrywear]

Wow, amazing age difference there! Lucky bugger, I was once with a 17-year-old... but I was 17 myself!

 

Telling her you won't be there for her when she gets back if she goes to the resort was the best thing you could say in your situation, man. You force the issue: she has to make a choice. Maybe given the fact that between 17 and 25 we all do a hell of a lot of growing up, it's time to let her go. Just a thought. Easier said than done.

[Guest]

She's given you her entire adult life.....how about doing the proper thing and propose to her Thats what she wants...she wants to know that you love her enough to marry her and make a real commitment to her. What every woman wants If you love her like you say you do....you'll do the right thing or someone else will

[HarryH20]

Thanks for your responses, very much appreciated.

 

Well while she was away on this holiday I actually bought her the engagement ring and had everything in place to propose to her, once all this came out I had to tell her all about it and my plans, I showed her the ring(maybe a mistake,I don`t know) and she began to cry saying she`s f****d everything up, that`s all she`d ever wanted me to do.

 

I left her in the bedroom with it, when I came back she said it was the most beautiful ring she`d ever seen and it fitted perfectly (don`t know how to read into the fact she tried it on ?)

 

The thing is even knowing all this she has still kept in contact with him, although she does admit that when she speaks to him on the phone she wonders why when she sees me she wants to end the the call and speak to me instead ?

 

Anyway, last night I `one belled` her late on to see how she was , she phoned back straight away and seemed a little brighter and glad I rang, she said she`d been shopping with her friend to a shopping center we used to go to, I asked if she had a good time but she told me no and that she started getting upset because it`s where we used to go and she confessed she finally started to think to herself "WTF am I doing" with regards to us, so don`t know what to read into that ?

 

She`s still coming round to talk tonight and I still think she`ll ask that I wait around until she finds out about this other guy(my stance will still be the same as above) but maybe I`m being pessimistic ? I still know deep in her heart she loves me and despite me just turning up at times she still always seems pleased to see me.

 

Any more thoughts appreciated.