Guest Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 I have just found out that 3/4 years ago my husband was subscribing to a Hong Kong website to look at people have sex and also he was meeting up with a swinging couple in a hotel not far from home, not even a year after we got married. I feel numb and physically sick. What should I do?
Tony T Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Talk to your husband. In most cases, this type of behavor has absolutely nothing to do with the spouse and all to do with the offender. Your husband has some addictions or behavioral problems that need more sympathy and understanding than condemnation. Chances are he's been leading this kind of double life for a very long time. Try to work with him to get through this so he can discontinue this behavior. If you show non judgement and just take the position that both of you have to work through this together, he will be less defensive and the whole issue will have a much better outcome. If you fly off the handle, you could do major damage, although I'm sure that's what you'd like to do. Just stay cool and get him help.
MarnieGirl Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 why is that an addiction or behavioural problem? so he likes to watch and get it on with a couple of people. the only problem with this is that he's married.
UnknowingOW Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Talk to your husband. In most cases, this type of behavor has absolutely nothing to do with the spouse and all to do with the offender. Your husband has some addictions or behavioral problems that need more sympathy and understanding than condemnation. Chances are he's been leading this kind of double life for a very long time. Try to work with him to get through this so he can discontinue this behavior. If you show non judgement and just take the position that both of you have to work through this together, he will be less defensive and the whole issue will have a much better outcome. If you fly off the handle, you could do major damage, although I'm sure that's what you'd like to do. Just stay cool and get him help. Tony, Keep in mind that counseling will not help to "discontinue this behavior," if they have chosen a life, in all visual appearaces, of a hetro; but keep returning to bi/gay lifestyle. The WS is then living a split life and the BS will be living in the emotional rollercoaster. You are correct regarding condemenation...it will drive them into their other world. However, the BS will have to acknowledge that the WS may ultimately decided on the other lifestyle. If that is the case, no amount of counsel, committment, or anything else the BS will attempt will be successful in salvaging in the relationship.
Blind Illusion Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Guest, maybe you should talk to someone, just to get your thoughts together while you attempt to sort this all out. I'm not exactly sure what your husband is into but maybe it's not as bad as you imagine. Some people like to watch while others like to be watched. Perhaps it's not *you* & perhaps it's not *me* but it can be considered just something that tickles one's fancy. I am not sure if the hotel involves an alternative sexual orientation or just a desire for a multiple party sexual encounter. In any event, obviously, none of this should be stuff done behind your back. At all!! Nor should you ever feel compelled to engage in things that don't interest or arouse you, simply to satisfy another person.
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