NC with someone you work with?

[Determined]

I know, I know, you have touched on this issue before. I could use some serious advice. Brief overview of my story:

 

A very close friendship with him for a year now. (This weekend he told me I was his best friend). W goes away for 3 months.. we begin seeing eachother romantically. We become so very close. She comes back, we go back to "Friends" except for the occasional stolen kiss in a shared cab ride home. Did I mention we live about 2 blocks from eachother? I work with him, obviously, and I see him everday. He emails me during the weekends and make the occasional get away to the grocery store, where he proceeds to tell me his misses me, etc..

 

He is is M counseling and is trying to decide if its going to work or not " once and for all" ... His heart is not in it his M, I know this. His M was horrible, just awful WAY before I walked into the picture. He has been depressed and fallen out of love way before me. According to him I have changed his life, and I give him hope, a reason to get out of bed in the moring. ( his words)

 

I simply cannot stand the wait. It's tearing me apart inside. I know it's not my place, and I deserve better. I plan on talking to him today. I plan on telling him that I love him dearly, that I would do anything for him.. , but I cannot do this to myself any longer. It is too painfull and not right for him. How can he really work on his marriage like he said he needed to try if he is calling me on the weekends?

 

Is this a bad idea? Is it bad to tell him EXACTLY how I feel so I have no regrets?? .. remember..I work with him.. How impossible is it to have NC with someone you work with? Any advice on this or just the first NC speech in general would be VERY helpful to me. Please, I am freaking out.

[bunset]

First,

welcome.

second,

you are so right about keeping the contact strictly professional.

You cannot help him through this now. He MUST do it alone.

When/if he becomes available, you might be able to re-connect, but do not rush it.

Until he does this for himself, your relationship will always be 'tainted'

 

I know, because I've done it once before, and am doing it again. I did work with my H, who was my Affair partner in my first marriage. we never kept it professional, and I Married him the moment the judge dropped the gavel on my Divorce. Been 16 years, and I'm painfully aware I screwed up! I should never have had him there, helping me through my D. It bound me to him, and I'm screwing it up again. I had an A with a MM last month and it only ended, because his W found out. He's gone back to work on his marriage. I'm now laying all the groundwork for my D and it's gotta be without the MM in my life. It's gotta be for myself. Same for your MM.

Tell him that he's gotta be his own man before you can be involved, and it'll take time...

also you have to look out for yourself. Go on with your life like there's nothing going on with him.

Have faith that things will work out the way they should.. give them time and have NO expectations that the outcome will be your dream.

That's the best I can do for now. There will be lots of support for you here, if you need it.

[Determined]

Thank you Bunset for your advice. We are talking today at 4:30.. right after work. I hope I have the courage to go through with this. I am sure once I open my mouth I wont be able to shut it.

 

Thanks again!