PandorasBox Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 How do you know the difference between someone who has say a split personality and someone who is just being an ass? I have heard that a split personality, people usaully lose time. They are one way then all of a sudden become a different person, but have no recolection of the time they lost between changing personalities. They don't always remember what they have done/said. The reason for my question is, I have a friend who we shall call "Maggie" and her husband who we shall call, "David" he can be ugly to her. Not all the time, but more so than not. One minute he can be fine and seem in a decent mood, then all of sudden snap and start calling her names out of the blue, and be very angry. She told me of an incident that recently took place, where he seemed fine all week. Then one afternoon came home in a really bad mood, (well we all have bad days) but she asked him what was wrong, and he went off on her! He told her she didn't respect him, and that he didn't even know if he still loved her etc. She said it was just out of the blue. He became very verbally abusive. Then she said the very next day he acted as if nothing happened. She doesn't know if he doesn't know what happened or if he does, wants to ignore it, and pass it off as he was sorry of the sudden change. She said he can be very mean and hurtful then all of a sudden be nice and act like nothing ever happned. He also verbally abuses the kids as well, so its not just her. She said him going to the doc for a diagonosis was out of the question, as was marriage or individual counseling, because she has asked him before and he tells her he has no problem, its her with the problem. To me he sounds like just an a**h*** that doesn't want to take blame or responsibilities for his actions, but maybe he really does have a problem, what do others think?
JackJack Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 JMO, but he just sounds like a jerk, who likes degrading his wife or direspecting her by calling her names and being mean. He says he wants her to respect him, well I would think thats something that needs to be earned, and if she doesn't respect him I can see why with him acting the way he is. He is the one that needs to learn some respect. If he wont go to counseling or go and see if he really has a problem, then theres not much she can do. She either continues to put up with it and live like that (which is not good) or she gets out of the situation. I doubt it will change.
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 She needs to sit and discuss this with him...Take to the DR to have a physical done and maybe have a pysch do an assessment. OR he is a complete a**h*** who has mood swings and feels he can say anything he wants, when he wants. Sounds like the guy needs anger management classes too. Either way she should take the bull by the horns and be active about his behaviour. If she does nothing, it will get worse.
alphamale Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 true multiple or split personalities is a diagnosis that is quite rare so put your money on "being an ass"...
Author PandorasBox Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 Thanks for the replies. I have known them both for about 15 years, and I have pretty much always known him to act this way towards her. He has even been mean and says ugly things to her infront of others or while shes on the phone with someone. Its like he doesn't care at all who hears or sees what he does. Its kind of like a power trip for him maybe. She has told me over and over again how she is tired of the way he treats her and the kids and how he talks to her. She has even told him if he is so unhappy, angry, doesn't love her etc to leave, he says he will but doesn't. She doesn't either. I feel like IMO, that as long as she allows this to continue it will continue. No I'm not saying she is the cause by no means, she doesn't make him say and act the way he does, but I just feel if she doesn't remove herself from the situation then it will continue to be like this or only get worse. She said he has told her counseling is out for him, and I have told her maybe she needs to go for herself. She went for awhile, but then stopped going. I don't know if she felt it wasn't helping, or if she just gave up and decided she was worthy of this behavior of him, even though I have told her she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment. She told me about 2 days ago, she has some marks and brusies from him throwing things at her. This was something I didn't know when she first told me how he was verbally abusing her, now it seems its physical as well.
2sunny Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Is it possible that he is involved with drugs? People who do the drug thing are very unpredictable and volatile... often times becoming physically and emotionally abusive... I'm not sure if they are bad when they are using or trying to find the next fix? Anyone else know? Seems to me my friend seemed bad because he couldn't get the next fix and was suffering from withdrawals... Just a guess...
Pyro Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Thanks for the replies. I have known them both for about 15 years, and I have pretty much always known him to act this way towards her. He has even been mean and says ugly things to her infront of others or while shes on the phone with someone. Its like he doesn't care at all who hears or sees what he does. Its kind of like a power trip for him maybe. Just this here is more then enough for me to believe that he is only being an a$s to her.
JadeStar Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Just out of curiosty, but have you asked your friend why she stays with him? I understand sometimes people will stay for different reasons but this doesn't sound good at all. You said they have kids, do you think she stays for them? Does she work? If not maybe she feels she has no where else to go for finacial support? Maybe they are both co dependent, or she feels she is not worthy of no one else or that she deserves what she gets. You could tell her all day long she doesn't derserve that type of treatment but until she truly believes it, then she probably will stay in it. I think her husband has her where he wants her. He knows she probably wont leave, so he continues to do what he is doing. She needs to think about the impact it has on the kids. JMO. Jade
Author PandorasBox Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 Just out of curiosty, but have you asked your friend why she stays with him? I understand sometimes people will stay for different reasons but this doesn't sound good at all. You said they have kids, do you think she stays for them? Does she work? If not maybe she feels she has no where else to go for finacial support? Maybe they are both co dependent, or she feels she is not worthy of no one else or that she deserves what she gets. You could tell her all day long she doesn't derserve that type of treatment but until she truly believes it, then she probably will stay in it. I think her husband has her where he wants her. He knows she probably wont leave, so he continues to do what he is doing. She needs to think about the impact it has on the kids. JMO. Jade Yes I have asked her and she says she doesn't know why. Maybe she really doesn't know why, or maybe she does and just doesn't want to say why. I'm not sure. I do feel she has low self esteem especially when being called names and pushed around. I would think she would would want to get a job and save some money and maybe get out of the situation but she has yet to do so. I really think she needs to think of her child first, and get out of it but thats just me.
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