After 7 months of NC, she calls

[vipi]

So what could make her to call after all these months?. I have been doing so well, almost forgetting about her and then all of a sudden it is like i am back to square one.

 

Why do this to me??. It has been 7 months, she broke up with me because she met a new man and she told me they were so much in love. I did not beg , i just wished them the best of luck, i did manage to talk to the guy though. Since novemeber last year, i have gone through some hard times, thinking of her every day..i have not contacted in any way..no phones, no text, no nothing.

 

So this weekend, i was out for my morning work out. i came back at 7 am and there i see her missed call, her number still the same as it was. No message though.

 

Here i am, wondering what would make her call after all..i am so mad at her for doing this. Now i have to think about her..i wish she never called or something. Am i loosing my head??. I don't want her back..no way i can ever think of that. But now i can't stop to think of the memories.

 

What do you guys think??..what are her intentions?. Is the new guy now becoming boring or what?.

 

I just need some advice..i am loosing my head.

[Diver012]

Its difficult to say what her intensions are. After 7 months she may be offering the friendship card. She may also be doing what you speculate. She could also be checking in just to see how your managing?

 

I know this is difficult, but hopefully you can move past this quickly. I wouldnt call her back. If she does call, explain to her that you dont think its a good idea that you speak any longer. Just my opinion...

[Guest]

Its difficult to say what her intensions are. After 7 months she may be offering the friendship card. She may also be doing what you speculate. She could also be checking in just to see how your managing?

 

I know this is difficult, but hopefully you can move past this quickly. I wouldnt call her back. If she does call, explain to her that you dont think its a good idea that you speak any longer. Just my opinion...

 

Why call and not leave a message????.

 

What did she achieve with tha anyways?

[GW7147]

I agree with Diver. I wouldn't respond to the call. Eventhough, she's contacted you and dredged up all those old feeling, I think it would be easier to get over all of those memories as things stand now. If you make contact, have a talk etc...That will set you back even further. How long were the two of you together? Even if it was a significant amount of time, what she did is inexcusable. You've done the right thing by leaving her alone. The break-up was her decision. I would continue on the path you're already on.

All the best,

GW

[vipi]

I agree with Diver. I wouldn't respond to the call. Eventhough, she's contacted you and dredged up all those old feeling, I think it would be easier to get over all of those memories as things stand now. If you make contact, have a talk etc...That will set you back even further. How long were the two of you together? Even if it was a significant amount of time, what she did is inexcusable. You've done the right thing by leaving her alone. The break-up was her decision. I would continue on the path you're already on.

All the best,

GW

 

My question - why couldn't she call after a month or two months or three months..why now?. Is she realising something..

 

We were together for 3 1/2 years. I was her first boy friend and we were really in love. I never thought of her leaving..but i was wrong. Well, what all these has done, is to make angry..more angry than i ever was with her, I am sure she will call a gain, may be they know how to make us more confused..

[GW7147]

Actually, I was thinking the same thing when I saw your post. You would think one would call after 2-3 months, then again, I've seen some posts where people were contacted after a year of NC. The two of you had a significant amount of time together. I'm begining to think maybe things fell apart for her and her other man. There's always that possibilty that she's looking to you for comfort. Either that or maybe, she just begining to realize what she's missing out on. If you honestly are over her and the relationship and know you would not want to get back together, simply let it go or if you do speak, tell her you have no interest in getting back together, if that's how you truly feel . It's a tough situation, as you have to sit and wonder what the call is all about and what her intentions are. I've not heard from my ex in 2 months and have pretty much written her off. I'm sure if you wait it out, she'll try to get in touch with you again. Let the call go to voicemail and see if she leaves a message. I'm sure others will give you some more insight on your situation.

[Nedved28]

Yeah its very strange that she should call you after 7 months!! She could quite possibly be having problems with her new guy and thinking about the good times with you and regretting her decision or she just felt it was long enough since she heard from you and wanted to see how your doing!! Either way wait till she calls you back and decide if you wanna answer. You've maintained a strong NC policy thus far and its already upset you that she called so u d'ont wanna end up at square one again!! You've come to far!! But only you can decide if you wanna chat to her. Personally i would'nt answer or call back. She made her decision and it hurt you, now you have to do whats right for you and if that means continuing your NC policy and her being hurt well thats to bad for her. have a think about it....

[vipi]

Thank guys for your responces.

 

A friend of mine told me that she thinks i have moved on and just want to drug me back to thinking about her, or it is just another way of starting a nother drama.

 

I have no time of contacting her..i am sure i will never do that, leave a lone answering her phone call, unless she blocks her number. I could have done that the first month.

 

What good can come out it anyways?, to me she is a broken glass.

[Nedved28]

Your totally right!! It won't make any difference if you call her or not!! leave her in the past and rememebr the good times but look forward to the future. Your friend could be right!! Unfortunatley some people do like the idea of somebody crying over them as it gives them a bit if an ego and makes them feel special. I know my Ex to certain extent even though she was a lovely person did get a bit arrogant because of it. But its a kick in the ass for them when they find out you've picked youself up and moved on. Their not as special to us anymore as they thought they were...

[vipi]

So i went to church last weekend. This is the same church my ex gf goes to. I have not been there since we broke up coz i wanted to get well after the break up. I was not going there with the purpose of seeing her, i did not care less about that.

 

She was not in church, but her mum and younger brothers were there. After church, the brothers were so happy to see me, they insisted i take them for lunch. So we all went for luch, plus other little cousins of mine.

 

I never asked my ex gf brothers how she is doing or where she is ..nothing about her came in our talks the whole time.

 

I dropped them back to church after lunch and i went home.

 

Now five days later..my ex called me again. She called last night some minutes to midnight. I was not home and she never left a message.

 

This is the second time.. i don't how many times she has called, but i am sure about two times as i can see her number. The same question is Why with the phone calls and no message????.

 

I am not trying to get back with her, leave a lone being her friend. May be i sent a wrong picture by taking her brothers to lunch???

 

I am going back to church tomorrow and i am sure she will be there, i am freeking out. Some body...what should i do?..why is she making this so difficult..she left me and told me herself that she was in love with her new man!!

 

why now??

[Brittanyjean06]

If this does bring you back to stage 1, strive harder and don't let this whole " stage thing get in the way'. It's a process so let it take how ever long it wants even if it takes longer from her finally contacting you.

 

Obviously your on her mind right about now. And if she is trying to get back with you, I woulden't! She made her decision and had another relationship right?

 

BLock the number. Block it before she calls more and you get more obsessed over it. Burn some bridges if you have to. I would be really curious and suspicious as to why she is calling you

 

Wow imagine an ex calling after a year or 7 months? I would be really curious....But hold up on talking to her. Your still hurt.

[vipi]

If this does bring you back to stage 1, strive harder and don't let this whole " stage thing get in the way'. It's a process so let it take how ever long it wants even if it takes longer from her finally contacting you.

 

Obviously your on her mind right about now. And if she is trying to get back with you, I woulden't! She made her decision and had another relationship right?

 

BLock the number. Block it before she calls more and you get more obsessed over it. Burn some bridges if you have to. I would be really curious and suspicious as to why she is calling you

 

Wow imagine an ex calling after a year or 7 months? I would be really curious....But hold up on talking to her. Your still hurt.

 

thanks a lot for your reply..i am still hurting, though not like it the first two into after the breakup. All these phone calls just make me more angry. Why don't they just leave us a lone given the fact they moved on to a better place???

[Brittanyjean06]

Maybe because they haven't moved on to a better place. Not to put false hope in your head. But even if she does want you back, why rewind back in to the past when there could be someone who woulden't ever risk leaving you for 7 months. Not saying you are but this is still really tender for you. She also could just be seeing how you are managing and wants to chat, which you are not ready for. This is normal. It will be a year for me on aug. 3 and let me tell you how bad it still hurts me, how angry I still am. But I do feel alot different than I felt a year ago when this all happend.

 

Just give it alot more time, you are going to need it! Are you going to block her number? It's real easy.

[mewithmelt]

My goodness, please please please do not answer the phone when she calls again, and she will. I dont know you but I know a little bit and I know FIRSTHAND you should not talk to this woman. I know firsthand, almost same situation as you. I talked to my ex for nearly a month when she showed up out of the blue(9 months) like yours did and all it got me was a loss of interest in other females and depression was starting to kick in. Please do not mess with this woman, ask any guy whos been there (me too now) they will tell you that for some strange ***ing reason ex girlfriends will do this... do they like ***ing with our heads....who knows but she will only be ***ing your large head, trust me.

[Guest]

Im just dropping by and found this thread. But I think mewithmelt gave me a good idea. What if she has moved on and is ***ng with our head. Maybe she wants to give the impression that hmm the relationship that she is in may not be good, but messing with my ex's head will make her look good cause we'll tell all our friends that we can't get over them. In this case they will look glamourous! Basically using us as a bait for her to lure other guys! Dunno, just an idea that came to my thought.

 

Good luck vipi, just a thought cause my ex still calls and its been a year. Im on the same track as you, but we have been talking for a year ever since we broke up. My situation is that I believe my ex has moved on. So our contact must stop, cause I don't get a clue what she wants, if all she wants is friendship from me. Maybe they are asking for forgiveness for doing something like dumping us, that it was okay for them to do so, like an approval. But good luck vipi!

[Clevelandfan]

What if your ex cheated on you toward the end of your relationship and got pregnant,..is living with the baby-daddy (still), e-mailed and called you during her pregnancy stating how she is so remorseful, wants to be with you and wished she was carrying your child, is back to work and playing headgames via the company personnel grapevine,..what do you do then. Talk about ****ing with your head. Unfortunately, I still have some feelings for her even after all this time.

[Effinoverit]

What if your ex cheated on you toward the end of your relationship and got pregnant,..is living with the baby-daddy (still), e-mailed and called you during her pregnancy stating how she is so remorseful, wants to be with you and wished she was carrying your child, is back to work and playing headgames via the company personnel grapevine,..what do you do then. Talk about ****ing with your head. Unfortunately, I still have some feelings for her even after all this time.

 

Mine did the same....cheated, got pregnant with the other guys kid. lived with him....was still calling me saying she didnt want to be with him and wanted to leave him and marry me. Hell we were still sleeping together WHILE she was almost 6 months pregnant....sent me pics of the child the week she was born.

 

this type of thing never has a good (for the dumped) outcome.

my ex moved away with this man she didnt want, married him and is now pregnant again....all the while sending her friends to me to tell me she didnt marry him cuz she wanted too.... my point: get out of that lane bro, it only goes one way....and you wont like where it ends, i didnt.

 

I know you have feelings for her still, as i do still for my ex, always will, but they will NEVER dictate my actions, and whenever i feel the pull of them i remind myself of the reality of the situation, it helps alot.

the only peace i have is NC(10 months so far...thanks a million NoFoolin!).

 

To the OP: those calls w/o a message....heh had those before. She is baiting you. trying to get you to make the first contact. Don't do it. If she really has something to say she can grow up and leave a message.

 

If her intentions are true in any direction, friendsip or otherwise, she needs to swallow the pride and leave a message and quit tryin to see if your still hungry enuff to jump for table scraps....which is all she is offering atm.

 

I'm glad that you are getting angry when she calls. that's a VERY good sign.

 

Of course exes always come back in some form or another after moving on to "greener pastures".

 

The grass is always greener where the dogs take a dump.

 

I would be a complete ghost until she offers something signifigant...ie. comes to your place, drags you into bed, shags you rotten, handcuffs herself to the bed and tells you to call a priest cuz you two are getting married right there.

but this other crap? let her eat static til she gets real, you deserve no less....BELIEVE IT!

[Clevelandfan]

Effinoverit,..sounds like my ex knows your ex,..she constantly needs rescued from the world,..they just don't have any choices,..everything just HAPPENS to them, that way it's not their fault. It's pathetic and you are right about getting out of that "lane". I've been staying away from the situation for awhile now, but now she is back in close proximity to me again, so I've got to keep my guard up basically. What bothers me so much is that she was the first person that I really considered having a family with, I guess I don't know how to pick'em anymore.

 

Thanks for your response and experience.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

Don't sweat it man. I have an ex that still does exactly that periodically (calls at a time reasonably calculated not to reach me, and doesn't leave a message, emails, texts, etc.), and the relationship has been over for nearly two years. It no longer bothers me or sets me back whatsoever. I wish her the best, and feel sad for her because I don't think that she is really all that happy.

 

Her calls to not evince a settled willingness to start over again, and I don't think I would even if given the chance. That woman, wonderful person in many ways though she is, has so many issues. Now if she contacted me in a meaningful adult way, and asked me if I wanted to have lunch for old times sake, I might, but all I get are the cryptic emails and phone calls without messages. Heck with that. I deserve better.

 

I have another ex that remains a (now long-distance) friend (who has since married another guy). She is cool, and there are no hard feelings anymore. Yes, she cheated on me, and then married the other guy, but it's all good, and she is a good person, and a friend. I genuinely wish her the best.

 

It's a strange, wonderful, beautiful world, and there are plenty of beautiful, smart, funny, nice women out there - some of them won't even lie, cheat, steal, and various other things that so many of the exes have probably done to many of us (and yes, there are plenty of guys out there who do that to women too).

 

Move on, and don't call back, and even if you do call or text back, don't be sappy or sign it "I love you" or anything like that. Just be positive, wish her the best, and feel good about who you are. If she really wants to have a meaninful conversation with you instead of just tormenting you, she will. If she does, maybe you will rediscover a friend at least. If she keeps being mysterious, my advice is don't bother. You know better anyway.

[Clevelandfan]

WOWY,..

Thanks for your reply also. You are exactly right about the headgames, ie cryptic e-mails etc,..I'm not even paying attention to any of that anymore. I suppose I've stopped trying to figure out what she really means in any type of message, like you said, if she wants to be "real" and really communicate, I may listen but she has made some poor choices that I am ultimately not responsible for. It's too bad. You are right,..there are a lot of women out there who make better decisions and are looking for a real man to enjoy a future with, not just someone to manipulate, lie to and try to use financially for their own gain.

[Brittanyjean06]

I didn't think anyone else on this site has had Nc for 10 months like me ( almost a year) they haven't talked to me. Though i receieved alot of private calls AND HANG ups Im not thinking its to make me start the first contact or maybe telemarkters

 

 

someone said, ex's come back one way or another...I coulden't bare that right now even with it being a year. I guess all those hard feelings go away after alot of time maybe in one more year or two years I will be truely healed.

[Effinoverit]

No Brit, don't ever think you are alone in that(thought i was for the longest time), NC for 10-11 months...and i plan on it staying that way. And look at the other responses too, the last thing you are on here is alone. And it's hard as hell sometimes, I know, but you will compartmentalize it after awhile maybe feel numb to it. If your strong enough to come on here and share this, then thats says alot.

 

But in all honesty, it comes and goes. some nights even still, I'm on top of the world, others I feel like i got run over by a semi....know what i do then? I scramble to find something to get my head out of it and remove the power from that ghost.

 

a movie, a game, getting out of the house....hell trips to my family's place are welcome therapy...but w/e you enjoy will have that effect if you allow it to, and there's the key.

 

Ya if i saw my ex...well I'd roll out ninja-style if i had to, no sense kickin myself in the nuts. don't mistake this for bitterness, it's self-preservation. unless an ex drops what they ran away from you for and does what i described in my last post, then all they are able to do is cause you pain, or try to rope you in to satisfy their guilt or ego...or both.

 

no one can love you like you.

 

As you said in your post....you WILL be healed, keep seeing yourself that way, you sound like you're doing great at it.

 

 

WOWY,

you said:

It's a strange, wonderful, beautiful world, and there are plenty of beautiful, smart, funny, nice women out there - some of them won't even lie, cheat, steal, and various other things that so many of the exes have probably done to many of us.......

heh, what city are they in?? scratch FL off the list, none of those here as far as i've seen...and i've been here over 20 years...LOL.

 

heh im sure it'll happen when it's time.

[Guest]

Been reading - and thanks to all for sharing your tough stories.

Just wanted to add another side of things.

I got dumped by my girlfriend of 4 years as I proposed to her.

I don't blame her - as I took too long, was neglectful, etc.

However, I hadn't realized the extent of MY shortcomings in the relationship

until AFTER she dumped me.

She had moved back to Miami (from NY where I live),

and after dumping me in person, proceeded to finally tell me

OVER THE PHONE, with rage, how she was suicidal

about a year into the relationship and that I should have known

because she was reading books on love, how I was always a jerk (even

though she didn't tell me during), how I was always selfish (again

after not telling me during), etc.

 

Hearing all this stuff literally drove me down into such a deep clinical

depression, I felt suicidal for many weeks.

The reason I post this hear is that she was a wonderful girlfriend -

I'm convinced she was faithful, honest, loving and true.

And that almost all the fault in the relationship was mine.

But that in realizing this after the fact, the guilt feelings are perhaps

even worse than having been with someone who was bad to me.

Realizing you were the bad guy - when you had never seen it before - is quite a horrible thing . . .

 

I don't know what's worse - missing her (which I do terribly), or the guilt and "need" to make up for the misdeeds - ideally be being with her. And the fact that what I THOUGHT was a beautiful relationship, was actually 4 dark years for her - so now I end up seeing them as such for myself. And now feeling like even the DESIRE of getting back together with her is selfish TOO! Awful stuff. She wants pretty much nothing to do with me now. She says she has moved WAY on - never calls me (I'm the only one who calls - now no contact for a few weeks after months of calling pleading and crying) - and wants me to date others.

 

I think she probably doesn't ever want to hear from me again. Yet it is SO HARD to believe that someone THAT loving for four years, would barely care if you were dead or alive. <sigh>

[Brittanyjean06]

I reply to so many threads that I always forget some

 

Thanks for the great advice EFF! I am doing fine, I seem to be having wonderful days without him. I am finally changing my number, so I don't get any more private calls 3 in the morning. Could it be him? Who knows. Best thing to do is get that hope out of my head! I will survive. I think my fears are just pinning over that one ex. And never loving again? but that seems so unrealistic don't you think?

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

She called last night some minutes to midnight. I was not home and she never left a message. This is the second time..Why with the phone calls and no message????.

 

Because she wants to talk to you.

 

I'd just call her right back.

 

Ariadne