Teacher's Pet Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 My GF broke up with me a week ago today. We've talked a couple of times during the week... well.. I talked, she pretended to listen and repeatedly brushed me off......... We were together 6 months, and for much of it, we spent almost every night together. Sometimes we'd go out for dinner, and then I'd go home because I had work the next day, but an hour later, she'd call me to say she missed me and wished I would spend the night... and of course, I would......... We had so much love, so much passion... there were nights that were just... you know what I'm saying. Last night we had it out. I promised myself, and my friends I'd be strong, knowing this was my chance to stand up for myself and my feelings. I failed. I broke down. Crying. Begging for her to come back (she's already met someone else who she had been talking to online while she was contemplating breaking up with me). Even while I was on the phone with her, curled up in a ball on my bed, I KNEW I was being weak. I knew I was going through that 40 minutes of hell for nothing. She was done with me, and no begging, no pleading, NOTHING would change that. And yet, I continued to beg and cry for her to come back.. I felt so weak, so horrible, so worthless...... And she knew it. She no longer wants contact with me, so I guess the "NC" rule for me is going to be pretty easy. Don't contact her, she doesn't want to hear it anyway. I know that I shouldn't feel this way over someone who broke up with me in a text message (by the way, she's a high school teacher, even high school STUDENTS don't do this!), but.. for 6 months, she was my world...... I have had so much pain in my life (lost a child about 8 years ago), and was single for 2 years before meeting her. She totally blew me away when I met her, and now it feels like every woman I meet will be judged against her. Smart, attractive, passionate... I know a few traits about her which are negatives, and yes, it's BEST to dwell on the ex's negatives so you can remind yourself why they weren't perfect, but in many ways, the imperfections are what draw you to someone to begin with..... My goal for myself is to remind myself that in the whole time we were together, she never truly appreciated me. I'm a very openly romantic, giving person, and while she does have a romantic side, she's very introverted when it comes to it, and only shows it for brief (yet, sadly, wonderful) moments.... moments I'll never have again........ I'll say it... I miss her so much, I just want to curl up in a ball and never leave the house again. (Yes, kick my ass for saying that, guys....).... it's just how I feel. So utterly and hopelessly lost without her. The worst part is, I DO have a lot of positive things in my life. I'm restarting an old career of mine, something I really miss doing, and every day I look forward to getting back into "the scene" of what I do....which WILL let me meet a lot of new people... I have friends of literally all walks of life who want to support me emotionally, but right now, none of it means anything to me. It's like I have this wonderful opportunity ahead of me to not only move on with my life, but to move on to even better things. It's simply my lack of self-esteem (I'm overweight, and while I'm an outgoing, active person, deep down I always feel like "the fat guy") that makes me afraid that she was my last chance at being with a really great woman. I only wish she didn't find me physically attractive, or at least hinted that she didn't. For everything I can hold against her for hurting me, never once did she say she wasn't attracted to me, nor did she treat me any different because of how I look (ok, I'm not a bad looking guy, just fat!)..... her being a former athlete kinda made us an odd, yet "cute" couple, as we've been told. I hate being petty, but I don't want to go back to "hooking up with random ugly chicks because they'll let me". I'm better than that. I don't want "hook ups". I want a relationship full of love and passion. With her. I really need f***ing help.
Pink Amulet Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 You need time. I am sorry to hear about your child. You seem much braver than you give yourself credit for. Maybe now should be your time for self improvement. Both on the inside and the outside. You see to be talking yourself down far too much, and the fact that you described yourself as fat would imply you need to at least some weight... You need to work on your own happiness before anyone else can make you happy. You just can't rely on anyone else to provide this, or confidence, or self love. Distract yourself with change. Change your eating habbits, your excercise routine (or implement one), and your social life. Don't sink to "hooking up with random chicks". This will just make you feel worse. Use this chapter ending as the beginning of a new, confident, self loving, chapter in your life. Good luck to you sweetie.
Nedved28 Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Really sorry to hear your hurting so bad!! i think we've all in that position curled up in our beds crying and trying to make sense of it all. Its not easy and the sense of loss can be overwhelming. Its on your mind 24/7 and there's nothing you can do to shake it or take your mind off it! its not gonna be easy but d'ont be so hard on yourself. Your hurt and thats natural but try not to put yourself down. You'l come out of this eventually stronger and with experience gained from the heartbreak of the break up. No matter what she let yourself down badly by telling you via text. that was a very cruel and harsh way to end a relationship. She disrespected you by doing that. take heart in the fact that your not like that, you'd never treat anybody like that and you'l walk away from this knowing your still a decent person. Anybody that treats you like that dose'nt deserve you. You'l be okay. Chin up and walk away from her. leave her in the past. somebody better will come along. Keep telling yourself that.
dividebyzero Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 hey tp i am sorry you are going through this pain at the moment. i myself have recently been kicked out of a relationship that lasted 4.5 years and i thought i had lost everything worth living for. i totally understand what you are talking about. i can really recommend you to talk to your friends. they seem to want to help you; you shouldn't refuse this offer. talking about the situation helps a lot; that's why we are here, after all. in my opinion you shouldn't just curl up in a ball and never leave the house. that way you just end up making reproaches to yourself and fall deeper into the abyss. it is also important that you spend some time alone (and enjoy it!). as pink amulet already said, you shouldn't depend on your friends to provide happiness. finding out that you can have fun and enjoy life on your own will strengthen your self-esteem extremely. take up a new hobby, do something you have ever wanted to but never had the time for, travel to new places and see how many wonderful places there are in the world. you will have more and more memories of nice moments w/o your ex involved, until your ex will just be a shadow from your past. for example i bought a mountainbike 2 days ago and went for a long ride yesterday (alone). i enjoyed it so much that i nearly cried (well, happy tears). the realization that there are so many things to live for (other than the ex) overwhelmed me. you will be alright. it will take time and there will still be bad moments. but these will become rarer, and one morning you will wake up with the feeling that you're able to conquer the world! i wish you all best.
imperialpilotx Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 hey, im about 1.5 weeks after 2.5 year relationship.. honestly i feel 10X better.. Since then ive been out with my friends, going to the beach/amusement park, a party.. it helps sooo much. The pain is still there.. but I can actually eat again and am excited about meeting better people. The best way man, is staying OUT of your house... whatever you do do not just lay around... go out and get new jokes going with your buddys, whatever it takes. It will help. After time I started to realize that there is someone better out there for me, who matches me better that i can go out with and have a good time, She will make me happier, and you will make her happier. Ive learned these things do end.. but all you have to do is pick up the pieces, clear your head of the succubus that ripped your heart out of your ass, and remember SOON you will meet someone who totally makes your ex look lame. Trust me. just remember.. there is no sense in wasting your time thinking of her.. because it is not mutual anymore. That is how I look at it. why waste time thinking of a bitch who doesnt want you in her life anymore man ? She is a different person now, get her out of your mind and life.. set her on fire if need be. jk Hang in there man.. day by day, time will heal you. The sun will rise tomorrow buddy.
Author Teacher's Pet Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 Hey guys.... Thanks for listening.... I feel a little better now..... I guess my real pain is that she doesn't want to even be friends (we were friends for 4 months before we ever even kissed)... and the worst part is.. I am DEATHLY afraid of running into her.....especially if she is seeing someone new..... Honestly, I don't think I'll be able to handle it should it happen. Luckily, we don't hang out at many of the same places (we have maybe 2 places in common, but she rarely goes there), and we don't live THAT close (like 20 minutes away), but... I'm so afraid of seeing her with another man... knowing he's the one who climbs into bed with her at night....the one she does things with that until a week, was only with me..... I know maybe I sound petty... but it still doesn't seem fair (I know, I know, nothing is supposed to be fair when you get dumped)..... Tonight, I'm going to the Yankee game with one of my best friends, which should cheer me up (I wont think of her at the game, since she HATES baseball - thank god for that... I dont equate baseball and my ex, so at least I have this much!)..... It's just the little things that hurt.... when I hear a Bon Jovi song (we have/HAD tickets to see them in July - she worships Jon Bon Jovi), especially CERTAIN songs, I start shaking..... when I drive down the highway past her exit, I tremble, knowing her house is just a couple of minutes away, and normally I'd be going there to be in her arms..... ....bah... I just need a new driving route. And a girlfriend.
Thursday_le Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 I know exactly what your feeling about the little things. Same here man. I was with my ex for almost 2 years and now shes hanging out with friends and stuff. No contact with me. She broke up with me and Im left here to die. Even though its been only 2 days of NC....I am feeling better already. Although I know my ex doesnt want another relationship...just to be single for awhile. I am moving on but yet I still think someday she will come back. Then I could say that I really knew what TRUE LOVE was.
Guest Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 I'm right there with ya, Teachers Pet. My gf broke up with me about 6 weeks ago and for the last 4 weeks she won't even return my phone calls or email me back. The weekend right after we broke up, I was actually doing ok, but then I went to take the train (Chicago el) to my friend's place and I ran into her all dressed up and looking amazing. So, since then, my life has felt like a complete wreck. Coincidentally, I'm going to the Cubs game tonight and hoping it cheers me up. Too bad we suck and I'll probably just end up getting pissed off, haha. Personally, I find this NC stuff to be bull, because if the other person cared about you in the first place, she should at least be willing to meet for lunch once in a while to help you come to terms with things. I'm not sure if that is me being too young or too old to understand NC (I'm 24), but that's how I feel.
Nedved28 Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Having contact with an ex is okay as long your completey over them!! But believe me if your still hurting bad NC is for the best!! It might not seem like that right now but you gotta go through this pain barrier and try nd get used to living without her. You'l only prolong your pain by having to much contact with an ex that ended with you. Meeting for lunch,chatting on the phone can lead to you asking her questions about her private life, getting jealous and bitter and of course feeling hurt again. They tend to only tell you very little anyway so its best to leave it a while. you might also hear something you d'ont need to hear. But there's no harm in staying in contact with someone if you feel strong enough and are completely over them. Ex's can become friends but as long as you can handle the fact that their now your 'friend' and not your girlfriend.
imperialpilotx Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Soon you wont even be attracted to her. and if she does come back.. you will already have someone new or be talking to someone else, and get to tell her to f*** off. thats rewarding. You just have to for now anyways, be able to say, f*** that bitch, I am better than her, I am stronger for surviving through this, and I will find someone better for me. You don't need her. Just set yourself up to meet new better people. Someone ideal you envisioned before you ended up with this girl. I know that person exsists, just go find her, and have a good time.
Guest Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 @teacher's pet: i really hope that you enjoyed tonight's game with your friends. these events will make you realize that there's a life without you ex-gf. i understand that you still have these little things that hurt... i have been living w/ my (ex-)gf for 4.5 years, and i still live at the place we have been living together (she has moved elsewhere). everytime i come home, i see the light burning in her former room, and i know it doesn't shine for me anymore @imperialpilot: i don't think that degrading your ex-gf to a bitch will make you feel better. i accepted my ex to fall in love with someone else. these things do happen; sometimes you fall in love with someone and you cannot explain why. it just may strike you as a lightning. i tell myself that it's better for her (and for me) to find out *now* that i'm not the right guy, than in several years, when we've got involved into marriage stuff, and even worse, have children together, because i don't want my (innocent) children to be affected by this kind of relationship trouble. i still adore my ex-girlfriend and i am very happy to have spent the last few years with her. they have definitely been part of the greatest moments of my life, so far. but, it did not work out. it was extremely painful to accept this fact and it will haunt me for several nights. but, on the other hand, i am also looking forward to the other moments of joy i will experience. maybe i am too optimistic @guest (3:42 pm) as far as i have understood and employed it, NC is not about your ex to miss you, but it is about you to move on. i have used it for 3 weeks now (since the breakup). i am feeling a lot better than at the moment of the breakup, thanks to strict NC. sometimes it is a real pain to stick to it, but i always tell myself that it is better to avoid any contact, than to be disappointed by any lack of response from her part. my ex is not the same girl anymore i fell in love with. she moved on, and so should i. learn from the mistakes and experiences you've made, and it will result in a better and stronger you. you just live once (at least according to my beliefs). make the best out of it. you shouldn't waste your only chance of existence because of one single person. there is so much else to live for.
Fallen_Angel Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Hey there T P, I am truly sorry for both of your losses. After a week, you're totally expected to still be in shock. I thought the whole "stages of grief" thing was a bunch of bs but it is SO very true. And it's funny how your body will try to insulate you from the shock in the beginning, but you still have to face facts - she's out of your life. DO NOT keep your feelings bottled up. Let them out. The longer you try to repress them, the worse you'll feel once they're released. Better to get rid of them now and get it over with. But don't wallow. You said so yourself - you've got great things in your life. You have friends who will help you pick up the pieces...this is key!!! And it's so funny how the 9-5 grind can be such a godsend. (I started a new job not long after my breakup, and I don't regret it!) Make a list of the things you want from your next relationship. You'll quickly see these are all the things you didn't have with your ex, and these are things you definitely deserve. It's so easy to fall into the trap of beating yourself up - why would she leave me, I thought she loved me, I'm not good enough, etc. etc...but this line of thinking is self-defeating and exhausting!! You gave 110% to her, and you now need to give this 110% TO YOURSELF. A random hookup or two may be a temporary fix, but you're right - in the long run you'll be dealing with that empty, hollow feeling. Take this time to work on yourself. I'm sure the next lovely woman you meet will be glad you did.
dividebyzero Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 the "guest" message before has been posted by me; i somehow forgot to log in. anywho, if i had logged on at the moment of writing, i would have been able to correct a little grammatical mistake. now i have to do it manually: *** i tell myself that it's better for her (and for me) to find out *now* that i'm not the right guy, than in several years, when we **would have** got involved into marriage stuff, and even worse, **would have had** children together, because i don't want my (innocent) children to be affected by this kind of relationship trouble. *** maybe it is completely irrelevant. i just wanted to tell you about it additionally, i want to thank the whole bunch of you. i have been reading these forums since the breakup and you really helped a lot. it is so overwhelming to see so many people connect through their common histories, tell about their experiences, and help each other. LS has been a invaluable resource of support. i would like me to be able to help anyone of you as much as you have helped me... divide.
mare01 Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I have been exactly where you are. The pain is too great to bear. And I know exactly how you feel. You don't want to hear that she wasn't and isnt worth it and all you need to do is move on because that is extremely hard and almost impossible to believe you will get over this. But if there is anything that is going to help you is this NO CONTACT. It is a way of getting her out of your system and right now she is pushing all of your buttons. Its very hard to not want to talk but the status of the relationship has changed and you need to do that as well. Treat yourself right and good luck!
imperialpilotx Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 hey everyone has different ways of coping.. theres nothing wrong with degrading someone as long as it helps you. Im talking to one of my exes now friendly, and its been 4 years. and now im gonna visit her and have a drink with her and hang out for a bit. because now im able to be her "friend". When women or men cant stand you anymore where they just walk away and have kept s*** bottled up from you... how are they worth your good thoughts ? They arent. Its not worth it to grieve over someone who is otherwise bored of you. That is why people say No contact, because there is just too much emotion to get in the way of anything.
AriaIncognito Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Hey T.P. I don't have much to add that I didn't say to you last night while we talked. Chin up. It sucks. Many of us feel your pain, you know I do. Just gotta keep busy, and try to move on. Our exes are... Do something for yourself, as others have said. Maybe if you dont like your weight, try to change it. I started going to the gym since my breakup of last week, and I'm pretty proud of myself for that little accomplishment. I've been meaning to go back, and finally, I did it. Hopefully, I'll stick to it lol. Little goals. Don't make anything monumental like "i have to be perfect by christmas" or whatever. Just try to set little accomplishments for yourself, so you have something to feel good about, during all this. At least, that's what I'm trying to do, by working out. Chin up, and you know how to reach me. Jennifer
dividebyzero Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 hmm, i think drowning your trouble in booze will be contra-productive. first, you will have the hanghover to deal with the day after. second, chances are that you perform the dreaded drunk dialing. and third, you will still miss her afterwards. of course going out with friends is a huge step towards healing, but if you get too drunk your plan might backfire. @imperial: you are absolutely right about the degrading thing. i was a little narrow-minded when i posted. everyone should deal with the breakup in the way that's best for him/her.
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