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Ya'll are working wonders on me.

UnknowingOW

By UnknowingOW
in The Other Man / Woman

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UnknowingOW Established Member

UnknowingOW

Posted
Posted

First, I wanted to personally thank each of you for your wisdom, help, respect, and compassion over the last few weeks of my emotional roller coaster.

 

FYI...I've not sent the new email to MM I will; just not yet. (yes, wavering).

 

I wanted to touch on a something all of you have hit on the head.

 

My EX F is the CP whom I've been involved with since 2002. I met him a month after my MM broke my heart in CT.

 

EX F seemed to be a decent guy. Nice, out going, loyal, lovable, funny, and there wasn't even a drop of desire on my side for him. Plus, there was no sex due to physical reasons. Oh well, I accpeted it an moved on. But, liked I said, he was good to me; so yes; I settled.

 

The thing is, Ex F would talk of us marrying and I thought ok, I could do this. I realized he was a CP by Jun 2003. He's been in & out of counseling and nothing, not one action other then buying my engagement ring has come of this relationship and or counseling.

 

He's still in CT and I am down South. He never came, but never wanted me to leave. He wanted me to wear his ring and then "someday" soon he would put the house on the market and come down and we would marry. Fast forward to last July 2005. I had been engaged since Feb 2005, and by July 2005 I knew Ex F wasn't ever coming...the ring came off and I told him...but I never completely walked either. I was afraid of being alone.

 

There were terrible fights, bitter, cold, just awful. I stepped out on him twice. He's the only man I've ever done this too, but I had been left alone for 8-10 months in two years without ever seeing him.

 

By Aug 2005, MM and I were getting serious about finally taking the step in our relationship. And then we make plans for...you all know the rest of this sorid story.

 

Anyway, something from all of the responses on LS made me realize it wasn't only my MM I needed to remove from my life, but my Ex F. He's like having a false security blanket, and I've taken advantage of it many times. Such as the day I found out MM was married. I called ExF and tried to smooth things over even though in my heart I was through with him.

 

Someone stated, that I wasn't wanting to relive the relationship I had with Ex F with my MM. They were right. I then realized I had two men which I needed to have NC with...Ex F, and MM.

 

So, here is my success story for the day.

  1. Cleaned the house
  2. Baked homemade peach cobbler (GA Peaches of course)
  3. I told Ex F never to contact me again; and I finally meant it.

He will respect the NC. I know from the bottom of my heart. He knows we've caused each other terrible pain and we have to move on.

 

Whether you all know it or not, you all have helped me to remove one toxic relationship from mylife which has been going on for years.

 

Now it's time to work on the other.

 

Many thanks and many blessings go out to all who understand and strive to make their lives complete

lovernotafighter Established Member

lovernotafighter

Posted
Posted

:o awh uko many hugs to you!

 

I know how hard it is to let the toxic people out of our lives..it's fighting a addiction, I'm on a roller coaster from hell with my relationships and I also need to let both them go ..and I've tried time and time again.

 

I hope and wish for you to have all the power in the world to be able to conquer these relationships..remember though it might be hard now..you'll feel better for it in the end,you know whats right for you in your life, you can do this!

bunset Established Member

bunset

Posted
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ahhhh Unknowing,

 

That's beautiful and amazing.

I know why I'm here.

I know I found you beautiful people because I too, need help letting go of the fear and the bad relationship(s).

While reading your stories, you demonstrate that we are beautiful, special and deserving of good relationships, despite our human faults.

Sometimes we need to let go of the security blanket..

because it will get tangled and torn on our roller coaster!

 

keep it up!

:love:

movinon05 Established Member

movinon05

Posted
Posted

UKO (good tag LNF),

 

Thanks for sharing that with us. I wanted to just touch on your e-mail to MM. You really should send it when you are ready. Make sure you're ready. Be as totally sure of your convictions as you can be. Many women vacillate as you've seen. Its too easy to fall back and thus, as you know, the rollercoaster starts its ride again. Take the time you need to think on it, just like I need to take the time to think on contacting my exMM. Either way, it takes a lot of strength to be able to ride it out to completion.

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UnknowingOW Established Member

UnknowingOW

Posted
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I don't know about beautiful are amazing, but I finally felt in my heart it was time to let go and move on. It has taken me 3-years to do so.

 

There wasn't any arguement. There was denial on his part, blaming, and a few other things. But it finally came to moving on. I was calm and polite. I did not point any fingers...honestly there was no point to cause him any harm or pain. We have said all we need to say, many, many, many times.

 

I finally feel a peace where Ex F is concerned.

 

Granted, friends and family say they'll ask me on Wed if I still haven't spoken to Ex F. I think they'll be suprised when I respond...no I haven't. :)

movinon05 Established Member

movinon05

Posted
Posted

Well no, I'm glad you found what you needed for exF. I was speaking more to your e-mail to MM that you haven't sent yet.

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UnknowingOW Established Member

UnknowingOW

Posted
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UKO

Thanks for sharing that with us. I wanted to just touch on your e-mail to MM. You really should send it when you are ready. Make sure you're ready. Be as totally sure of your convictions as you can be. Many women vacillate as you've seen. Its too easy to fall back and thus, as you know, the rollercoaster starts its ride again. Take the time you need to think on it, just like I need to take the time to think on contacting my exMM. Either way, it takes a lot of strength to be able to ride it out to completion.

 

Thanks, MO.

 

I will send it. I have to. And it will happen soon....I know this in my heart. I've set my messenger to stealth mode for tomorrow. I don't want him to see I am available for him, and to be completely honest, I just don't want to talk to him right now. I need some distance for him as to not cloud my thoughts or feelings.

 

These awful peaks and valleys on this road take so much away from you.

 

I've decided that tomorrow I will begin to take back my life and do something for me...

  • Enrolling in a ballroom dancing class
  • Continuing with my French lessons.
  • Finish weeding my garden (have avoided it since D-day and it all overgrowning with weeds!)
  • Book another white water rafting trip with level 4-5 rapids.

But I do feel stronger inside knowing I've removed one toxic relationship. I will not wait 3-years to remove another...that you can bank on!

 

Hugs to You!

zarathustra Established Member

zarathustra

Posted
Posted
Thanks, MO.

 

I will send it. I have to. And it will happen soon....I know this in my heart. I've set my messenger to stealth mode for tomorrow. I don't want him to see I am available for him, and to be completely honest, I just don't want to talk to him right now. I need some distance for him as to not cloud my thoughts or feelings.

 

These awful peaks and valleys on this road take so much away from you.

 

I've decided that tomorrow I will begin to take back my life and do something for me...

  • Enrolling in a ballroom dancing class
  • Continuing with my French lessons.
  • Finish weeding my garden (have avoided it since D-day and it all overgrowning with weeds!)
  • Book another white water rafting trip with level 4-5 rapids.

But I do feel stronger inside knowing I've removed one toxic relationship. I will not wait 3-years to remove another...that you can bank on!

 

Hugs to You!

UKO, I sent an email to my xMM a few months back asking him for nc. after I sent it, I spent the night feeling miserable. But the next day, I felt like a million bucks. I felt like I took control of my life back.

Walking away Established Member

Walking away

Posted
Posted

UnknowingOW,

 

I am very proud of you. Yes, there is much strength and dignity amongst the people here at LS. They, too, have strengthened me in ways that I will forever be grateful. I was able to remove the toxic relationship with my xMM with their support and help.

 

Send the letter when you are ready. And not one minute before. You must be able to accept the consequences of the letter before you send it. You may lose your MM for good. Be prepared for that. And it is OK. The best thing for you is for him to leave you alone so you can eventually find another who will love you to distraction.

 

I know you feel wounded and scared now. But, you will make it through this. I know you can. Be proud of yourself. You have much to be proud about.

 

WA

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UnknowingOW Established Member

UnknowingOW

Posted
  • Author
Posted
UnknowingOW,

 

I am very proud of you. Yes, there is much strength and dignity amongst the people here at LS. They, too, have strengthened me in ways that I will forever be grateful. I was able to remove the toxic relationship with my xMM with their support and help.

 

Send the letter when you are ready. And not one minute before. You must be able to accept the consequences of the letter before you send it. You may lose your MM for good. Be prepared for that. And it is OK. The best thing for you is for him to leave you alone so you can eventually find another who will love you to distraction.

 

I know you feel wounded and scared now. But, you will make it through this. I know you can. Be proud of yourself. You have much to be proud about.

 

WA

 

WA,

You are right very scared of the unknown. I do worry that I will lose him. He's been there for so long. Why should I care about someone that isn't really there to begin with.

 

I keep saying to myself...this is only a fantasy. There is no reality when the MM is not an active party to my life. And by active, I mean daily interaction, physically seeing each other, talking on the phone, and not just the imming.

 

There is honestly no reality to our relationship other then our few meetings. I am finally thinking this was mainly a EA, with some PA tossed in when he felt the need to see me.

 

He has been in complete control of when meetings have occured. I don't believe he will ever just "come" to me if he were single. I don't believe he would ever leave his W for me.

 

He has already im'd me today. I just closed the box and did not respond. Distance, NC whatever you want to call it has to been in place to move on.

bunset Established Member

bunset

Posted
Posted
You are right very scared of the unknown. I do worry that I will lose him. He's been there for so long. Why should I care about someone that isn't really there to begin with.

Try this for a bit,

If you feel bad or fear in any way, use that as a sign to change your energy level so it matches with the paeceful, loving energy of your Source. Now, just repaet to yourself "I want to feel good", and it will happen.

It may only be for those few moments, but I'm finding if I practice this, I get better at it, and do do feel better longer.

Letting go of the fear is easy, - once we know in our hearts that no matter what happens, it is meant to be and will work out for our best.

 

next moment of doubt - bring it on :cool:

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