Groovy Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I've known this guy for about 7 or 8 months through mutual friends. Though we only began to get to know each other 3 or 4 months ago. And we started dating 1 month ago. We had sex after 2 weeks of dating. (Before this it had been a 10 month dry spell). And over the weekend I didn't hear from him at all. I'm 34 and he's 38, we knew each other prior and it didn't seem to be a big deal. Now I wonder.... Some people say it doesn't matter, but 2 girlfriends said it was too soon. Ironically they are they girlfriends who have nothing but dead beat boyfriends who cheat and use them for a place to stay. So I felt irritatated by their advice even more. I'm not in high school and it doesn't seem like a 2 weeks or many months should matter, especially when we have hung out in a group for many months prior. But I thought I would ask men on this board if 2 weeks or many months make or break a relationship with someone you knew to some extent from the beginning.
Stunner Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I just wanted to add my support....and share my experience with you..maybe it will help. I went out for a couple of weeks with a really nice man 31 and I am 37...I knew him about a month or so before we started seeing each other. Fantastic chemistry, seemed like an honest guy, I really liked him and he indicated on every level that he wished to keep seeing me. The sex was great...spanned over three hours although the 'act' was short I was very pleased....22 days later I still haven't heard back... I have no idea what goes on in these guy's heads. They say they want to take it slow so as to not screw it up, leave the door open for sex, we walk through it...we are decisive gals and them BAM...nothing... My theory is two fold. Types like this are afraid of independant women and are more comfortable 'rescuing' someone. If you are strong, decisive, know what you want and really don't need them they get scared and run away. Second, guys like this are scared to death of what they feel is 'confrontation' because they really have no reason to not call back...you are attractive, smart, funny and appealing...they are probably embarassed with their behavior. I left a couple of non committal messages and havent heard word one from this guy. I
Stunner Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 My last post decided to post itself before I was done. What I was saying is that I decided that this sitting back waiting crap was too much for this gal to take...so I called and left a message inviting him to go dance this week...had a really nice time blah blah blah. That way he has an open door to walk through if he wants it, otherwise he's a chickensh** little boy I don't need to waste my time on. I think you should do the same. Don't call all the time but leave a polite message once a week, if he doesn't call back, scrape him off your shoe and move on. I've got a golf pro and a intelligence analyst to pursue..both older than 31. He ain't worth the worry but I understand your feelings!!!
shoedevil Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 I'm not in high school and it doesn't seem like a 2 weeks or many months should matter, especially when we have hung out in a group for many months prior. But I thought I would ask men on this board if 2 weeks or many months make or break a relationship with someone you knew to some extent from the beginning. My fiance and I first became intimate after two months of dating, but we had a long talk before we took things to that level. I don't know if you and this guy discussed "going steady" or not. You did know him through friends, but what did your friends tell you about his character or past relationships? I think two weeks is a little quick, but that's not because I'm afraid of independent women as has been suggested. You can be an independent woman and still postpone sex until you're pretty sure the man is mature enough to be in a commited relationship. I didn't push for sex so quickly in the dating relationship, and my fiance respected me for showing restraint, even though we were both extremely attracted to each other. As for your girlfriends - I wondered if they followed their own advice?
Magister Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 But I thought I would ask men on this board if 2 weeks or many months make or break a relationship with someone you knew to some extent from the beginning. As a man, I think you are asking the wrong question. Complex situations don't have simple causes. Two weeks is too soon if he thinks it is too soon, but no one here can tell you whether that is the case or not. Don't assume that is what it was. Maybe he hasn't gotten back to you because he didn't enjoy the sex. Who can say? If you want someone who will commit to a relationship (other than a "I'll come see you when my other women are busy" type relationship) you need to work on your self-control. It has only been a couple of days since you last spoke to him, other than waiting, there is nothing else you can do. If you don't want to wait, don't. Make a date with someone else. If you call someone and they don't answer, don't call back. They will respond if they want to. I'm not telling you to work on your self-control because having sex with him was wrong. There is nothing wrong with having sex after two weeks. There really isn't anything wrong with having sex after two minutes. I'm telling you to work on your self-control because you have a backwards perspective on the relationship process. Right now you are thinking about how much you want to be in a relationship, what you should be doing is trying to figure out if he is interested in getting into one with you. To do that you should approach this logically. Waiting doesn't directly improve or decrease your chances. All it does is give you time to read his intentions by comparing his words to his actions over time. Do not call him. Never call a man for anything except sex until he asks for a committed relationship (if you want one). Don't ask him if he wants a relationship. If he still wants anything from you (sex, relationship, friendship, whatever), he will contact you eventually.
Author Groovy Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 My 2 girlfriends mentioned criticize small mistakes I make when they live huge ones like being involved with a married man and I guess that's why I felt annoyed. I told one of them flat out she should not be giving me advice! I can see where it seems like I'm going backwards in the process. Really I wanted "just sex" with someone who was a friend I was attracted to, but I'd like a realtionship. I guess if I want his sex but I yearn for a relationship I should see other people and tell him upfront. He's waiting on a job that may be out of state and told me in the beginning he would understand if I wanted to see other people but that he wasn't. I did call him and ironically his cell number is temporarily out of service. So I'm guessing he lost his cell phone. I am feeling though like if he cared he would at least leave a note on my door......
amerikajin Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I'd say that, typically, two weeks is too soon. I think you have to make a guy get to know you and respect you first and then give up the goods. If he gets it right away, he might not take you seriously. Not everyone's the same, but this is generally the case.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I was lucky this time though, slept with him after two weeks and still going strong after two months...I know, not long, but longer than the jacka$$es I tried to date last year. After being with someone intimately, and not hearing from him for a few weeks, I managed not to call which was hard for me, but I did send him an email expressing my disappointment, telling him I was pursuing someone new, and wished him well. I didn't freak on him because I will be running into him in the fall occasionally. He replied with an apology stating that he wasn't ready for a relationship (less than a year out of his marriage). I would say he would have contacted you if he was interested in a relationship. Guys suck sometimes.
Author Groovy Posted June 28, 2006 Author Posted June 28, 2006 I guess I should have screwed his brains out to relieve my 10 month dry spell and looked for someone more capable of emotional giving. I realize no matter what he doesn't care. He could have relayed a message through a friend who could get in touch with me, or left a note on my door. So many avenues he failed to take to show he cared.... I called him and told him to check his pants and see if he had balls still because it was questionable when he can't have an adult conversation. All I knew is I slept with him several times and he stopped calling all together. I understand his phone was out of service but it's been back for over a day. And I'm surprised he would do this when we go to the same places and he'd eventually bump into me. Though maybe he had his own plan to never see me again. If I sounded angry I was. I don't need to date little boys. He's like some dogs*** I stepped in by accident that I just need to scrape away and remove out of my life. I'm not embarassed about what I did. I've told my friends so they know to avoid him. So I met someone who I liked that I willing to sacrifice 10 months of being a good girl because I thought he was an OK guy. Like I said s*** happens...........
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