In desprearte need of oppinion

[Guest]

Well i do feel weird writting this but i guess i dont have so many friends i can trust for advice and i hoped i could fund some honest help here. Basically i had been in a relationship for four and a half years. Over the past three weeks the relationsship feel apart after an on going argument came up again and go ugly. At frist we decided to split ways for a minth or so while we calmed down and see how it went from there. We decided we would not see others and still hang out. So we hung out once and i couldnt handel it and said bascially take me or leave me. He got angry and said i dont want you out of rage. We did not talk for three days untill i called him and he appologized for treating me in that manner but said he hates fighting with me and did not like that i told him take me or leave me. We then decided to still hang out but now he was saying its ok to see other people ????????? I got very upset to hear he was with another girl just " hanging out" and called him to tell him he was breaking my heart ... i then hung up. After that hang up he showed up at my h ouse 20 min later ( which he never does unexspecteldly) he had a long serious talk wit me saying he loves me and wants to be with me but that for almost five years we still fight alot and he hates it. I told me it hurt him to watch me cxry but unless i changed we could not have a relationship. He said we could still hang out and all but we would not get right back together and that he was not garenteeing me we ever would get back together. So now we have hung out a few times and even hooked up. I just got home from spending the weekend with him, i slept at his apartment we got dinner and went to the movies, when we were together it felt like old times i felt like i was his girlfriend but i am not. And he was " hanging out" with the other girl the night before i came over. I want to be with him sobadly but i do not know what is going on. Why are we hanging out and having a great time but not getting back together. I know he is not hooking up with other girls yet, but apparently it is allowed, he told me he wouldnt like me to hook up with others but at the same time were not together so he cant tell me what to do. I want him back I LOVE HIM what do i do, what is going on, please help

[Nedved28]

Really sorry to hear this!!! I think your gonna have to be strong here nd tell him that this current situation is not for you!! You need assurance and security in your relationship and at the moment you feel insecure with the situation. These open relationships and situations 'where your togther but your not together so u can meet other people' only work if both people are 100% okay with it!! your clearly not!! To me it sounds like a the perfect relationship for him!! not for you!! I know you love him and wanna be with him but you can't go on like this!! what happens if he met somebody else while your having this open relationship!! You'd be devastated far worse than you are now!! You might just have to end this 'hanging out' together for good!! Eventually there' s gonna be a lot of confusion and jealousy between the 2 of u!! On the other hand maybe he just needs space and wants to start from the beginning with you again!! If your not fighting anymore and getting on great maybe its a foundation for a fresh relationship together!! But you have to take care of yourself on this and be honest with your self anf think how long can i go on like this? Its a difficult situation!!

[Guest]

thank you, thats good advice, i really do want to be with him and your right i amjelous and confused i dont want an open relationship i want a fresh start. Does anyone have any ideas o nhow to dothis, should i ues a no contact method ? i feel that if i tell him its all or nothing he will be mad and sayt nothing as he did before, im totally fine with him needing space but hpw do i give him that space and still get him back, does it sound like he still wants to be with me ??? help !