Author john1776 Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 no, they should probably figure out why they are so desperate and then attend to that before attempting a relationship based on artificially created facades and fake outs and a deceitful presentation of who they are at the core of their being, though. I have a well documented nightmarishly awful past that includes molestation, 2 rapes, a failed marriage, and other delightful experiences. I learned in therapy (long years of therapy) that it served no good purpose to hide these issues, and I haven't ever had a problem attracting men. My biggest problem has been men who don't know themselves well enough to BE with a partner like me. There's nothing wrong with hiding one's depseration in the meantime until they correct it. The important thing is to not let the other person see your desperation. Silence is usually the best policy in this case. If you want them to get attached to an incomplete idea of who you are, and then mysteriously face trust issues or relationship problems when you're knee deep in the relationship and suddenly feel comfortable enough to expose your true nature. Then your new GF will post on LS "Why is he so different now? In the beginning of our relationship I had a totally different idea of who he was!" I'm just saying. When I make a good, authentic love connection -- it's because I accept the person, and all their flaws and ugly parts, and all their strengths and pretty parts. If they hide who they are, it turns me off in a big way. Nothing wrong with hiding desperation until one works on fixing it. The important thing is to fake it until you make it. Silence is the best avenue of hiding one's desperation. Again the fewer words a man speaks the better off his relationship will be. This does not mean ignoring her. It means only speak when spoken to.
blind_otter Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 How can I not? I'd be happy if I get to the point where I can completely abstain from sex until marriage. So much for the better. It's bad enough that I feel guilty for having sex even on special occasions. I have given my girlfriend no reason to want to sleep with me. Well I hate to break it to ya, but if your GF is attractive I'm about 100% sure that some guy IS trying to give your GF a reason to sleep with him.
Author john1776 Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 If she can't respect my decision to not have sex that often then she's pretty shallow then. There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait. I have a right to do that. It's my body. Nobody should be pressured into having sex.
RecordProducer Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 If she can't respect my decision to not have sex that often then she's pretty shallow then I think we already agreed that we are all "shallow" and want sex more often than for Christmass, Valentines, Easter, July 4th, and Labor's Day. If we happen to have our period on those days then it's even more rare. There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait. I have a right to do that. It's my body. Nobody should be pressured into having sex. And how did your personal right to withold sex become a guide for everyone?! No one would pressure you, they would just feel unsatisifed and dump you.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I think we already agreed that we are all "shallow" and want sex more often than for Christmass, Valentines, Easter, July 4th, and Labor's Day. If we happen to have our period on those days then it's even more rare. And how did your personal right to withold sex become a guide for everyone?! No one would pressure you, they would just feel unsatisifed and dump you. I was wondering the exact same thing. Is it for religious beliefs? If so, not everyone has beliefs and so that would your "guide" quite flawed. Not that its the only thing.
j.carsey Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 If she can't respect my decision to not have sex that often then she's pretty shallow then. There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait. I have a right to do that. It's my body. Nobody should be pressured into having sex. John you could please her in other ways, never even unleash your beast but still give her an orgasm
westernxer Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 How can I not? I'd be happy if I get to the point where I can completely abstain from sex until marriage. So much for the better. It's bad enough that I feel guilty for having sex even on special occasions. I have given my girlfriend no reason to want to sleep with me. I think the Radiation guy is back. Sure sounds like it.
Author john1776 Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 I was wondering the exact same thing. Is it for religious beliefs? If so' date=' not everyone has beliefs and so that would your "guide" quite flawed. Not that its the only thing. [/quote'] No it has nothing to do with religious beliefs. It's about doing whatever is necessary to make the spark in the relationship burn hotter. If you rush right into sex on the 3rd or 4th date then I can almost guarantee you that you'll put the spark out as quickly as it was ignitied. On the other hand if your girlfriend has communicated that she's sexually frustrated then by all means have sex more often. Do it as a favor to her but don't tell her that you're doing her a favor. If she's initiating sexual moves then don't resist her.
RecordProducer Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 No it has nothing to do with religious beliefs. It's about doing whatever is necessary to make the spark in the relationship burn hotter. If you rush right into sex on the 3rd or 4th date then I can almost guarantee you that you'll put the spark out as quickly as it was ignitied. Damn, I was always wondering why hubby and I had a few problems here and there - it's becasue we had sex on the first night! not everyone has beliefs and so that would your "guide" quite flawed. Not that its the only thing. Hahahahahah!
crazy_grl Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Oh man. This guide is the most hilarious yet. I can't wait to hear more of your gems of wisdom, John.
Author john1776 Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 Another thing I just thought about. If the two of you live together and you get into a heated argument it's best for the guy to leave and stay out of the house for a couple days to give her time to clear her head. He should go to his parents or grandparents house, friends, house, wherever just to give her a couple days to clear her head. God willing I move in with my gf and if we get into an argument then I plan to go to my parents house for a couple days. That's the best thing in addition to keeping his mouth shut. This does not mean ignoring her. If she asks questions during the argument then he should be soft spoken and keep his answers as short as possible. If he can keep his answers limited to 1-2 words then great!
Walk Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I figured it out! John here is scared of abandonment. He feels that if a woman he falls in love with leaves him, then he is unworthy of life. He dislikes himself so much, that he fears no woman could ever love him. So he makes up these "rules" in which contact, both physical and emotional, is limited. Keeping himself seperate from her makes him feel safer, more in control. And allows him to protect himself from true emotional connection. Way to go Johnnie boy! A Guide to being lonely while supposedly in a loving committed relationship. Awesome.
magichands Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 I figured it out! John here is scared of abandonment. He feels that if a woman he falls in love with leaves him, then he is unworthy of life. He dislikes himself so much, that he fears no woman could ever love him. So he makes up these "rules" in which contact, both physical and emotional, is limited. Keeping himself seperate from her makes him feel safer, more in control. And allows him to protect himself from true emotional connection. Way to go Johnnie boy! A Guide to being lonely while supposedly in a loving committed relationship. Awesome. Well, that's either amazingly perceptive, or wrong. Either way I think you're amazingly perceptive. Isn't it usually (always?) the case that people sabotaging their own happiness aren't aware that they are doing it? Making up a set of rules seems calculating - so much so that you must surely be aware of the real motivation?
Author john1776 Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 Walk's view is very naive. If people take her post to heart then they will let their guards down and become too comfortable in their relationships. I believe alphamale said it best when he said that people must be on their toes at all times in relationships. If you are getting comfortable that is the time to worry.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Walk's view is very naive. If people take her post to heart then they will let their guards down and become too comfortable in their relationships. I believe alphamale said it best when he said that people must be on their toes at all times in relationships. If you are getting comfortable that is the time to worry. So relationships should be uncomfortable? That's the best thing in addition to keeping his mouth shut. This does not mean ignoring her. If she asks questions during the argument then he should be soft spoken and keep his answers as short as possible. If he can keep his answers limited to 1-2 words then great! I like this rule!! :D This means I get to bitch for hours and hours and my SO has to just sit there and take it! Come on ladies... Johnny boy is our friend!! This could be a guide to making the world a better place!!
Author john1776 Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 So relationships should be uncomfortable? I like this rule!! :D This means I get to bitch for hours and hours and my SO has to just sit there and take it! Come on ladies... Johnny boy is our friend!! This could be a guide to making the world a better place!! If you feel it's too good to be true to be in that kind of relationship then yes you should feel uncomfortable. That's the situation I'm in right now. I feel like my girlfriend is too good to be true. You know the saying that if it feels too good to be true then it probably is. I'm not saying she's perfect by any means but she has everything that I want. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I've banged my head against a wall once too. Now do I have everything that she wants? That's a question only she can answer. I have asked her from time to time if she's happy to be with me. She said yes. Now does that really mean she's unhappy?? I still never got an answer from any of the posters about this. I have also asked her if I'm good enough for her. She said yes. I asked her what can I do to improve the relationship. She said she does not know. Should I take her word for it when she says she is happy or should I take that as her not really being happy with me?? This is an example of having open communication in a relationship. This is one of the times when it's necessary to communicate with words. If I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is happy then I would probably modify this guide somewhat and increase contact with her.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 If you feel it's too good to be true to be in that kind of relationship then yes you should feel uncomfortable. That's the situation I'm in right now. I feel like my girlfriend is too good to be true. You know the saying that if it feels too good to be true then it probably is. I'm not saying she's perfect by any means but she has everything that I want. Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I've banged my head against a wall once too. Now do I have everything that she wants? That's a question only she can answer. I have asked her from time to time if she's happy to be with me. She said yes. Now does that really mean she's unhappy?? I still never got an answer from any of the posters about this. I have also asked her if I'm good enough for her. She said yes. I asked her what can I do to improve the relationship. She said she does not know. Should I take her word for it when she says she is happy or should I take that as her not really being happy with me?? This is an example of having open communication in a relationship. This is one of the times when it's necessary to communicate with words. If I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is happy then I would probably modify this guide somewhat and increase contact with her. You sound very confused about your relationship. If your so confident in your dating skills to write a guide for it, then why so confused? Why would her telling you she is happy mean she is unhappy? Franky my friend, you make no sense.
Walk Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Walk's view is very naive. If people take her post to heart then they will let their guards down and become too comfortable in their relationships. I believe alphamale said it best when he said that people must be on their toes at all times in relationships. If you are getting comfortable that is the time to worry. You proved my point for me with your last post.
7on Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I think the best guide would be: "Don't be creepy" That pretty much covers everything I can think of.
riobikini Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 re: Bullgator: " Bullgator's guide to catching and keeping women: 1.) Be Yourself 2.) Repeat until successful " (Smile) Gator, I "Ditto!" the he*l out of that. Wish others could see it that way, too. -Rio
climbergirl Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Bullgator's guide to catching and keeping women: 1.) Be Yourself 2.) Repeat until successful. This is the best piece of advice I've ever seen on this site. EVER. Screw the manipulation crap. Unless, your SO has some serious neuroses.
Walk Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I think the best guide would be: "Don't be creepy" That pretty much covers everything I can think of. I love the "Don't be creepy" with your avatar. Cracked me up.
7on Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I love the "Don't be creepy" with your avatar. Cracked me up. What? are you saying I look creepy?!?!?!?!?!!111 So much for my only rule
amerikajin Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I think it's very important for a man to show off his masculinity. For example, when I come home from work, I like to beat my chest like a gorilla - it really turns her on. Seriously, men should try this. As far as catching women is concerned, I usually hide behind some bushes and wait until she walks on by before throwing a giant net over her. BAM! Got her! Then I drag her back to my lair. Muahahahaha!
Walk Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 I think it's very important for a man to show off his masculinity. For example, when I come home from work, I like to beat my chest like a gorilla - it really turns her on. Seriously, men should try this. As far as catching women is concerned, I usually hide behind some bushes and wait until she walks on by before throwing a giant net over her. BAM! Got her! Then I drag her back to my lair. Muahahahaha! That'd be sweet!!! Dating would be so much easier if this is how every one did it. No more having to worry if you should call, or if he likes you, or if he wants to see you again, cause you'd already be tied up in his bedroom.
Recommended Posts