undexterouslinda Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Hello, I'm new and I've been very confused, upset, and playing the waiting game. This may be very long so please bear with me. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now. He moved away to Phoenix about 6 months ago and we agreed to stay together and we kept our relationship wonderful. I went to visit him once and he came back home around christmas and surprised me for Vday this past year. He did not like Arizona and decided to move back home. I went to see him in June and we moved back home to here in Missouri. It's been about a month since we've been home and I believe I've grown very dependent on him and I would get unusually more upset with him then usual and we fought a lot. He finally told me that my behavior kind of was a turn off and that he doesn't really want to be around him and to give him space for several days and that he just wanted to hang out with his friends. I understood that and He hasn't really seen his friends for a good 6-7 months. I made the mistake of calling him two days later since I'm not use to not being able to see him or talk to him for more then a day. He'd atleast call to say goodnight. He didn't sound too interested in talking ot me. He kept it short. I called him and texted him worried that he wanted to break up with me. No response. He finally stop answering my phone calls and my friends told him that I need to give him space even if it means not talking to him and seeing him for awhile. I finally regretting my desperate phoncalls and text messages. It's been nearly a week since i've seen or had a real conversation with him. I'm so scared that he doesnt want to be with me anymore he's told two of my friends that ask hime how "We are" and he respondes with something similiar too "We're fine.. yeahh.. i dont know.. i dont want to talk about it" in an awkward manner. It really scares me. We've had so much history together and I really do not want to loose that. It's really tough since we have both the similiar close knit friends. and now I feel like I don't even exist to him anymore. I hate sitting here and waiting and wondering if he's ever goign to call me back. I try to keep myself busy by hanging out with my friends and worrying about myself but it's always in the back of my head. I care about him and I love him so much and I know he feels the same about me and I wonder if he still does. I try to take into consideration that he has had a rough year living by himself without his friends, family, and myself in AZ. I was the one that talke dto him every single night no matter what.. and now that he's back home he wants to get his life back together and catch up with his friends. I dont want to step on his toes but I do not want to loose him either. i dont want to call him and bother him i want to wait till he's ready to call me. How long should i wait? I'm afraid that I'll be waiting forever. I just want ot know what's going on between us butI'm scare di'll push him further away. I wrote him a letter. I dont even know if is hould give tha to thim. I dont know waht to do. I just want to talk tohim. Someone please help me.
lilmems81 Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 u know, im going the same situation as u are. over a month ago, my girlfriend asks for time and space. she wanted to think cuz maybe the distance was gettin in the way. we been together for over 2 years and i live in san diego and she is up in sacramento. i know how u feel, cuz i wanted to call her. but i think the best thing to do is give him time and respect that he is askin for space. cuz i know that he is missin u the way u are missin him. i know it sux playin the waiting game, juss give him time and if u guys truly love each other than all will work out. my advice would be to give him time and the space he needs. try to stay busy, go out and have fun. but the most important thing is to stay busy cuz u will think about it so much even tho i know it still in the back of ur mind, thats how it is with me. juss give him time and space but i wouldnt wait too long u know. cuz its not fair for u to be waiting, and having ur emotions go up and down like a rollercoaster. i would juss give some time and then try to talk to him. thats juss wut i think cuz im going thru the same situation, and i feel ur pain. juss hang in there and good luck k. if it was meant to be, than it all will work out. k.
tearful_soul22 Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 If he wants his space, then give it to him. Stop being so dependent on him because you will only end up more confused and hurt. If he loves you the way you think he does, he will come around and hopefully do what is right. Meanwhile, find some other interesting things to do in your life and let him come to his senses. Take care of yourself and be strong!
sagiterre Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 once i asked my bf for space in relationship, and it happened that we just broke up..coz wen both of us took a kinda BREAK, we just realised that we r nt meant to b wid each other.
Guest Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 The past 6 months have taken strain, due to many aspects. I was going thru the 'changes' a L/D r/s and all that this type endures. For all the uneasiness, and I admit my instability, trying to get ahead, or my life back, I was relunctant to get involved. But shi- happens. You start to see someone more than others, emotions get the best of you... Personally, I have regrets, but reliving some of the events have shown me that there was doubt but not my minds eye. I did not pry, but now due to this past couple of weeks, and especially this week end, I realize he is in love with someone of his past and I shall no longer be able to freely express my true feelings. This of course saddens me, and once again I feel the pangs of envy and hurt. But since I am the one that is being led astray and feeling used I must carry on and insist my time to get over the rejection. How do I express this w/o sounding pathetic? I cannot wholly hold him responsible, but I believed our feelings were mutual, but looking back I was catering a over his head, also the treatment was definitely lacking in trust or honesty. We had some fun, and I was beginning to feel like my ol' self, getting grounded w/a new job, and overall looking forward to a better summer, and plans to romance my and his life to death! Well, obviously, I held back also or I suppose I would have pursued this more diligently. Due to his actions and his lack, I have accepted that continuing would further damage a 'just friends' from his pov, or convienance as it may be best to separate our time together until I am able to manage with a better frame of heart and mind in tact. I felt so vulnerable for so long and somewhat dis connected w/him by actions not the past, nor how accomodating he could be to me, but the big picture, and began to feel he was happier moving on, as he rarely wanted to spend time sharing by his side and enjoyed others' company. I am no longer going to compromise myself or emotion further, and this is an area that he can be very stubborn. I will not relent or he will indeed find to witness the calling. I am not threatening him as I would never hurt him intentionally but am glad that this is in the open before I receive more disappointment. But I am sad that we didn't embark on a more refreshing start, and honesty of his way. I felt this would be an area of question and now I know. Perhaps we can visit again when emotionally he is settled with his life and r/s and I don't react negatively or stupidly and feeling like a fool. He wants space. I wish him well. Truely. He was and is an amazing man, a friend when he applies the love, understanding or empathy he so desires too. How does one say well, it is over before it started? I guess he just did...
LikkleMissConfused Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Honey, It is so hard. But like people have already said to you. Give him space and don't stress its so hard to do I know, but if you need to talk do it with friends and family but leave him alone. If it is meant to be he will get in touch with you. Just give yourself time and him some time too.
kellyp1 Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 But in the end, both parties usually find some clarity during this time. Once you get past the day-to-day I miss him, you usually see that you can live without him. Not that you need him there, but that you want him there and can survive either way. And sometimes that is the best feeling of all...
lonelybird Posted July 6, 2006 Posted July 6, 2006 The most thing you cannot do right now is panic, and pressure him. Maybe you need be back off for YOURSELF. so you have time to think what other things would fulfil your life besides him, and if you NEED him or you LOVE him, when you get busy with your life and be happy and peaceful, he may wonder and come back to you. I know it is very hard, but make sure he is not your main source of happiness. I remember somebody said something like "right attitude is the important thing to keep your man" when you take one step back, you may gain bigger picture
rosewynd Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 From past experience, Interrogation isn't helpful, unless it's done in a diplomatic way. I'd give him time to himself for a while so he can sort things out. also, persuing relentlessly is a bad idea. giving him space will show him you respect him when he tells you what he needs. I know this is hard. if you have to write letters you don't send him to cope, do it. that is what i am doing with my bf who is deployed. things will either work out in time, or you will heal from this and find someone else in time. hugs
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