Author UnknowingOW Posted June 25, 2006 Author Posted June 25, 2006 RC...I did go for the pedicure last night! WA and SamiD: You are both right. If you love something let it go. I understand his fears of letting me go. But this is litterly killing me inside. I have to be free of him. Whether he wants it or not. His inability to go/no go is not fair to anyone involved in this triangle. Not her, not me, and not him. Why is it woman always have to be the stronger in relationship issues?
Walking away Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I don't know why that is. Perhaps because the MM will NEVER make up his mind if he doesn't HAVE to. Human nature, perhaps....Why rock the boat if you don't have to? I respect you for your strength and resolve. You may falter with NC from time to time, but you will pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep moving in the right direction. Remember, we are here to help you get on the right track. WA
RealityCheck Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 RC...I did go for the pedicure last night! WA and SamiD: You are both right. If you love something let it go. I understand his fears of letting me go. But this is litterly killing me inside. I have to be free of him. Whether he wants it or not. His inability to go/no go is not fair to anyone involved in this triangle. Not her, not me, and not him. Why is it woman always have to be the stronger in relationship issues? Maturnal instinct perhaps.
Author UnknowingOW Posted June 25, 2006 Author Posted June 25, 2006 Thank you all.. I'm feeling somewhat better at the moment. I've written the letter...haven't sent it yet but will by the end of the day. I'm going to focus on things i need to accomplish today Day 1: Stick to your absolutes...NC is a way of life/survival at this time.Finish all task needing completedDon't dwell on the situationSend the email.AND QUIT SMOKING AGAIN! I started up again when all this crap hit the ceiling and am smoking like a feind.
RealityCheck Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Thank you all.. I'm feeling somewhat better at the moment. I've written the letter...haven't sent it yet but will by the end of the day. I'm going to focus on things i need to accomplish today Day 1: Stick to your absolutes...NC is a way of life/survival at this time.Finish all task needing completedDon't dwell on the situationSend the email.AND QUIT SMOKING AGAIN! I started up again when all this crap hit the ceiling and am smoking like a feind. I would call that a great way to get started on your list of things to do today! :bunny: :bunny:
Sami_D Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Why is it woman always have to be the stronger in relationship issues? Because this is about our self-respect, self-regard, and OUR reputation. While for the men, their self-regard and reputation etc. (and therefore their strength) lies in other areas within a relationship. Men (generalising) need to show themselves as providers, as single-minded, as loyal to their dependents in a slightly different way. That is why women will walk away from a marriage because it's not personally satisfying or they fall in love with someone else, while men find that harder to do. Couple that with the fact that the woman/children are seen as 'the home' (and therefore a man leaving is 'deserting' them/ leaving 'the home'), AND add in the fact that a lot of women will USE the children against the man once the split has happened, AND add in the financial penalties for such action... and is it any wonder that a man will almost never bring a divorce..?
Sami_D Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 I agree Sami. What I was trying to say was kinda like this: If he loves her, he needs to let her GO....so the pain for her will eventually stop. Ah right, agreed. Any man who can't let a woman go, but keeps pushing and breaking NC, is just a selfish whatever... nothing to do with love and everything to do with me me me.
Walking away Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Yep, that is EXACTLY what I was trying to say. You clarified it better than I. Hugs
Sami_D Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Oh, and about it being the women who have to 'be strong'... I should have added that, if they really love us, the men ALSO are being strong in their way. They're NOT leaving a situation they have responsibility for (their view) when they really would love to. It's all about a different perspective. WE have to be strong FOR OURSELVES. You have to be strong for yourself. If you keep handing yourself out on a plate... then MM will go on taking pieces of the cake. After all, you're making a big fat creamy present of yourself... how can you possibly blame him if he takes another bite? It's all about having responsibility for your own well-being.
RealityCheck Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Ah right, agreed. Any man who can't let a woman go, but keeps pushing and breaking NC, is just a selfish whatever... nothing to do with love and everything to do with me me me. Amen Sister!
Author UnknowingOW Posted June 25, 2006 Author Posted June 25, 2006 That thought hadn't crossed my mind recently. I thought it was selfishness at first, but then he tried to explain it wasn't...maybe I just believed that this was love and not selfishness.
Author UnknowingOW Posted June 25, 2006 Author Posted June 25, 2006 If you keep handing yourself out on a plate... then MM will go on taking pieces of the cake. After all, you're making a big fat creamy present of yourself... how can you possibly blame him if he takes another bite? It's all about having responsibility for your own well-being. Big, fat, creamy present!!! I love it. yeah, That's what I am, that cake that keeps saying...go ahead. Responsibility...EXACTLY.
MarnieGirl Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 He is not a participating party of my life. He is someone I talk with online..nothing more. This morning we had "morning sex" online if you could call it that. We said our goodbyes, and then I signed off Yahoo, and he said he was heading to the office. I'm beggin for the trigger to snap my mind into voiding this relationship with him. read the bold part. now read the other part. that should be your trigger, because that sounds like the loneliest, saddest existence ever. you seem like a nice person who deserves much more.
movinon05 Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Selfish!! Yes! My exMM was selfish to the core, but sugar coated it, like yours does. I was always the weaker one when it came to this, giving in to his needs. But, hey now, I'm realizing I'm the stronger one!! HE just can't let me go!!! lol!! What was it you called it, RC?? Power????
Author UnknowingOW Posted June 25, 2006 Author Posted June 25, 2006 read the bold part. now read the other part. that should be your trigger, because that sounds like the loneliest, saddest existence ever. you seem like a nice person who deserves much more. MarnieGirl, I've known him for 5-years...when we met and began dating. This isn't an online thing...but it is a way in which we communicate. Sorry for the mis-understanding.
MarnieGirl Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 MarnieGirl, I've known him for 5-years...when we met and began dating. This isn't an online thing...but it is a way in which we communicate. Sorry for the mis-understanding. oh. okay. whoops. well, it still stands, especially the last sentence. sorry bout that.
RealityCheck Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Selfish!! Yes! My exMM was selfish to the core, but sugar coated it, like yours does. I was always the weaker one when it came to this, giving in to his needs. But, hey now, I'm realizing I'm the stronger one!! HE just can't let me go!!! lol!! What was it you called it, RC?? Power???? He can't let you go....Hmmm.....I wonder why? Neither can I!.....lol Maybe its because of all your GREAT qualities! :bunny: :bunny:
Recommended Posts