Cuteboy06 Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 [FONT=Arial] Hello[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]My 1st post here so excuse any RAMBLING i may do :-)[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Need some responses 2 my post as soon as possible.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]OK here goes...[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Theres this chick who ive been in touch with by phone and by text.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Shes the one who initiates all the text messages and conversations....and i know she loves[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]talking to me.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Anyway sometimes i just DISAPPEAR 4 a few days with no contact and she[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]gets all ANTSY and starts texting me asking where ive disappeared etc[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I think we kinda flirt when we text.....[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I say KINDA cos am a little confused now....[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I sent her a couple of my pics the other day since weve never met....[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Today she texts me saying she got my pics blah blah blah but she didnt really say[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]anything nice about my pics or stuff and instead started teasing me (we do tease each other a lot)[/FONT] [FONT=Arial]and making weird comments about me and my hairstyle etc.....[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]K i felt kinda hurt cos i thought shed at least say something nice and instead got these SMART ASS comments.K maybe i wasnt her type looks wise but why then go making funny comments and not just keep quite (I know everyone else whose seen my pics said I looked cool) COS I DO [/FONT][FONT=Wingdings][FONT=Wingdings]J[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]I know shes mature and not just a joker as a person so shes got me confused....[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Now shes been texting me all morning but havent responded as need advice.[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Wanted to tell her i was hurt by her SMARTY comments but am not sure if i should....[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Should i just pretend it didnt bother me ? [/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]N what do you think is her game ?[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Sorry 4 the long mess but am in need of help SOONEST[/FONT] [FONT=Arial] [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]Thanks[/FONT]
seranade_u_silly Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 This is a bit hard to read but from what I can decipher, this girl doesn't feel the same way you do. This is fair, you can't demand attraction - especially if you aren't physically compatible with your desired's tastes - you need to compensate for her apparent superficial nature by giving her something else. Feed her ego. Humour her. I know more than most how limited a text message can be, so you have to entertain her with such a medium as best you can and picture messages aren't always the best way. She's dominant now because you've given her ammo by sending your pics. It would have been better to exchange pictures because you could have played on her flaws as well. It's too late for that so just keep it plutonic and funny at this early stage. Only flirt back and never initiate it. Remember you've welcomed her insults by sending your pics and if you are hurt by what she says, stay cool about it and keep an open mind. Remember that there's a human being on the other side of that message and human's can be fallible and unaware of what they say. You say she's mature so she's probably expecting you to take her insults lightly. Play that game regardless. I'm not saying that this girl is shallow but she could well be and if you really like her that much then there's no reason to pack up because she finds you unattractive. You'd feel s***ty about it afterwards so it's not worth it really. Look at this way. You've already broken the ice which is the hardest part and physical attraction is only one small part of a bigger picture. There are a thousand and one other ways to get somebody to like you besides a pretty face so try to get to know her a bit more before you've made up your mind. Everybody has social strengths and social weakness. Being homely is a weakness for example but being funny is a strength. Use what strengths you have and she may end up liking you for being you! Isn't that what you'd prefer?
destination_unknown Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 It sounds like she was joking with you. Sometimes jokes/payful sarcasm can come accross a little dry in a text. You say you let her initiate all the conversations and you enjoy talking to her. You seem to have EXPECTED her to say oh you look so cool in those pictures and are mad now that she didnt say what you wanted her to.
Author Cuteboy06 Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 Thank you both for your replys and for having the patience to read my weird message.... Cant understand why all those FONT icons were present.. Anyway an update... I messed it all up cos i talked to her before reading your posts (silly me) I told her i was hurt by her comment and didnt think it was necessary for her to be so rude.... She apologised profusely and i have a feeling she was just KIDDING as you both said but i guess my EGO came into the way....She actually seemed so sorry but i wasnt sure whether she was just sorry she was loosing my friendship n actually didnt think i looked attractive.Guess ill never know :-( I kinda told her (indirectly) i wasnt interested in talking with her anymore (I know i sound kiddish but i really was hurt especially since i know i looked COOL in the pics i sent her according to loads of other females) n i guess when you like someone you hope they find you attractive back.She apologised so much n said she had become so close to me n hated the thought of loosing me as a friend n was feeling horrid.I told her goodbye (cos i didnt want to speak to her again) n wished her well and didnt say anything mean or spiteful. I somehow feel Stooopid for blowing things outa proportion cos i know we joke like mad and am stuck now cos i dont want to look like a TOOL going back and chatting with her cos shell think am so desperat n am already feeling empty knowing she wont communicate with me.She asked me if i was parting with her for good after i sent the goodbye text but i never replied.Havent heard from her since yesterday :-( Lost a good friend i have.......i feel sick. Worst part is i wasnt after a relationship with her n just wanted to be friends.....sending the pics was just 2 know the person behind the voice.But i still wanted her to like me..... I dont know what she looks like (have a feeling shes hot) n the sickening part is she lives nearby...So am embarrassed now in case she sees me somewhere n recognises me n i wouldnt even know its her..... Again sorry for muddled up post but am venting my feelings out here.... Maybe you guys will give me something to work on... Thanks
Walk Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Personally... if I were you I'd apologize for reacting so quickly to your wounded pride, and have an actually conversation with her about things. You said you knew it bothered her when you would disappear for days and yet she put up with it. She didn't jump your shyt or chew you out about it. Yet she ribs you a little about a pic and you jump her shyt and end the friendship. Not too cool in my book. Be a man, pick up the phone and tell her you were an ass for getting so upset, she already apologized for the comments, then tell her what you basically said on here. That because you value her opinion, that it hurt you and you reacted out of hurt. It would be decent of you to at the very least do that. Because I'm sure she's beating herself up over this, and will for a very long time if you don't explain to her that it was your pride talking. Besides, I think it's stupid to throw away a friendship because your pride was dented. Worse yet, that it really only hurt your ego because you did value her friendship so much.
Author Cuteboy06 Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 Walk.... I want 2 do exactly what you said but am scared.... Its not scared scared but EMBARRASSED SCARED... I feel like a loser now cos maybe she didnt like what she saw or maybe she did n just tried 2 be funny n then i still go back n apologise 2 her.Wont that make me look so pathetic n needy 4 her ? I know she did nothing wrong n wasnt being rude on purpose but now i feel its 2 late... Cos even our friendship will be different now.... All i want is 4 her 2 write me even a small text 2 say hi n ill write back n apologise but i just cant get myself 2 write back 1st. Call me an idiot..... Serenade if you read this theres something i dont understand about your post. You said 2 use my strengths n shed like me 4 who i am....So lets say a girl likes your sense of humour but wasnt attracted 2 your looks but shes still with you.Isnt that a bit weird cos wouldnt you like her 2 like your face 2 when she looked at you instead of thinking i wish he had a better face ? Or do females automatically start finding you attractive if they like something else about you ?
Walk Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 All i want is 4 her 2 write me even a small text 2 say hi n ill write back n apologise but i just cant get myself 2 write back 1st. Or do females automatically start finding you attractive if they like something else about you ? I'll find a guy intensely attractive if I find his personality attractive. So, someone who if I saw on the street I might think was average, or slightly below average looking (without ever having talked to the guy), I would find incredibly attractive if he had great character. It would be awkward to be the first one to apologize. Maybe you could find a way that would salvage some of your pride without having to do a straight forward apology right from a cold start. Maybe send her a card and ask her to call you, or text her a question, or text her and ask that she call you. If she says no, what's the worst that will happen? If you do nothing, your friendship is over. If you do something, you have an opportunity to patch the damage and make it a better friendship then it was. And if you had wanted a possibility for more than friendship, there is nothing sexier than a man who is willing to admit when he's wrong. I think it shows confidence, and confidence is damn attractive.
rkman Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Its not scared scared but EMBARRASSED SCARED... He who shows humility demonstrates a true apology.
Walk Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 He who shows humility demonstrates a true apology. Pride cometh before a fall.
Author Cuteboy06 Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 Decided ill apologise.......... Not going to wait for her to text but will take the initiative myself.... My Ego caused this mess n now its got to take a back seat whilst i try n make up with her. Hope she accepts my apology. Wish me luck
destination_unknown Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 Hun, try to have a little more confidence in yourself. It sounds like things have been going pretty well up to now. She didnt know what you looked like before so you were nervous about how she would react to your pictures - thats understandable - i think everyone feels like that a little. And try to have a little more faith in other people too, are you jumping the gun a little in assuming that she wont want to talk to you again or is that you making sure you dont get hurt? You might be pleasantly surprised if you start talking to her again. Hey, looks arent everything! I've dated guys that I didn't initially find hot, but grew to love them and found them hotter and hotter the more I got to know them. I've also joked about haircuts etc. with guys I am really attracted to, but thats just friendly banter. Deep down, the issue seems to be self esteem, if you work on that it will help you in your relationships.
Author Cuteboy06 Posted June 26, 2006 Author Posted June 26, 2006 Destination unknown..... You frighten me cos it seems you know me so well.... I do have low self esteem n am trying to get rid of it slowly (doesnt seem to be working) Weird thing is i have a seriously WICKED job (something different from what most of the world does), have some money, n every girl i come into contact with thinks im so funny and charming and looks wise id say am a little better than avarage although everybody says am way above average (ok not everybody but you know what i mean) :-) Its the confidence bit that i dont have n everytime i meet a girl who seems into me i assume she cant like me n end things over something silly...... Its like a vicious circle that i cant seem to get out of.....
seranade_u_silly Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 If your esteem is low, the only way to overcome it is to be around people. You have to learn to speak to strangers and slowly but surely you will develop the ability to talk to girls. You won't feel beaten up by what they say and so forth. Don't be afraid to be proud of who you are either. If your successful and happy, then convert it confidence. It's bound to rub off on somebody interesting!
Author Cuteboy06 Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) Bet you all know why am smiling ? Weeeeeellllllll.....I apologised n she was so cool about it n accepted it gracefully. We ended up chatting for an hour n then textin after my apology n somehow i felt we communicated even better then before..... I feel so GOOD :-) She told me she was so depressed once i told her i didnt want to chat the previous day n had been feeling sick n moppy the whole day especially for hurting n making me unhappy unintentionally...but now she was happy again cos shed recovered something special. I wanted to ask her what she truly thought of my pics cos that still bugged me but i refrained from doing so.....i kinda feel that if she really though i was unappealing she wouldnt ahve made such a HORRID JOKE being my friend as NORMAL people dont make fun of someone whose less fortunate in the looks department.Especially not telling them to their face........ I guess ill use the mindset that I KNOW AM COOL whether she or any girl thinks so is IMMATERIAL..... What i do want to do is THANK all of you who replied so much cos you saved a freiendship which i would have thrown away...... THANK YOU ALL........ Will be back here in the future asking for more good advice am sure. Cheers
destination_unknown Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 Ah, that gave me a little smile. What you should try to work on is recognising when you are jumping to a conclusion that somebody is doing something because they think something negative about you. My sister has the same problem. For example, if she asks a friend to go on a night out and the friend cant go, she gets secretly mad (passive aggressive) and cuts them off. She does this because underneath she thinks the reason the person isn't going on the night out is that they dont like her or her friendship doesnt mean that much to them. I try to explain to her that the friend probably has family commitments / new boyf they are wrapped up in / tired from work etc. Needless to say, she has lost most of her friends because of this. I think it has seeped into her relationship with her husband also. So, try to catch yourself when you feel this cycle of thought coming into play. Take a step back when you get mad with somebody, and just do a quick check that your not getting offended too easily. Cutting the person off is really your way of making sure you dont get hurt. You are right, keep telling yourself you are a great person and try not to allow what other people think of you destabilize that self confidence. Have fun flirting with your friend! She seems like a nice person that accepted your apology and was even honest enough to say she felt upset when you guys were fighting. Just remember, EVERYONE has insecurities, (they do to a certain extent serve a purpose) but when we let them dictate our actions they can eat away at relationships. So enjoy getting to know your girl better!
Laura_t Posted June 27, 2006 Posted June 27, 2006 If u ask me, the girl is jsut in it for a bit of fun, i'v had guys do it for fun to me ebcause of the way i look, i'm not exactly the prettiest girl in the world but i'v had my fair share o boyfriends. I would just tell her how u feel, and say that if she isn't going to be open and straight with you, there isn't anything in the text and call relationship and to find someone else to mess with. You can do better than her hun!
Author Cuteboy06 Posted July 5, 2006 Author Posted July 5, 2006 Am back n need more advice... Hi ! Well have been chattin with my friend a lot (as usual shes the one initiating everything) over the last few days and everythings going really cool. Now i asked her if id ever get to see her pic and she replied she could send me her pic or maybe i could meeet her in person. So i told her to send me her pic so at least id recognise her if i saw her..... She said she would and a few days later i get pics form her but of an animal (well i tease her a lot and have nicknamed her a certain cute animal) Man i was annoyed cos i know its funny but am getting irritated now cos i havent a clue of what she looks like and yet she always wants to communicate with me..WANTED TO SEND her a text saying how annoyed i was but refrained as am awaitin some feedback from you all on how to handle this situation. Am i asking for to much ? Shes the one who suggested i could see her in person but now cant even send a pic... Am beginning to smell a rat and i need some thoughts on this....The way i feel now is just telling her i dont like the way things are progressing and let her be...... Why should i be spending my time with someone who doesnt want to show me who they really are.... Heeelllppppp
Walk Posted July 5, 2006 Posted July 5, 2006 Can't give a definite on what's in that girls mind... She may have been hoping that you would say you wanted to meet her in person, and read far too much into you wanting the pic instead. Maybe she felt that you aren't interested since you declined the meeting right now. Maybe she realized that it would be well within your bounds to make fun of her picture, and realized she wouldn't be able to handle it so didn't send it. Maybe she feels you won't be interested in her if you realize she's not a "hottie", and is scared to send it. I'd chalk it up to her own insecurities. She wanted to meet you in person. You postponed it and instead asked for a picture first. That would make me think that the guy wanted to judge whether I was "hot" enough to meet me before agreeing to it. Especially if she really did think you were hot... she'd probably be pretty concerned about how you would view rate her. I'm having a hard time thinking she is doing it to hurt you in anyway when she was the one who suggested the two of you meet in the first place. Don't jump to conclusions. They'll kill you in the end. Tell her the picture is gorgeous and you enjoyed it, and no matter how furry she is you'd still like to meet her.
Author Cuteboy06 Posted July 5, 2006 Author Posted July 5, 2006 Hey again WALK, Good thing there are clever clogs like you around on these boards to put things into perspective.... I somehow cant understand her....cos we flirt a lot and stuff but i dont think either of us expected to meet etc thought we were just text n phone pals Her actual words were " ok shall send you my pic in a day or so or i can give you the opportunity to squeal :-) (i put the smily) at me in person" Do you think she meant she really wanted to meet ? Ill use your line about the FURRY bit :-) but am now thinking she just wants to keep reeling me in n then let go...... I dont get the part where you say she would have rather we met in peson.Wouldnt she rather i not like her pic instead of meeting face to face and then realising i dont like her ! CHICKS think WEIRDLY 4 real :-)
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